Sunday, June 22, 2008
i hate my mother. i hate her to the extent that sometimes i dun feel like talking to her, sometimes i just feel like treating her as invisible.
i never like unreasonable souls. and worse is, she's one. she can scold and scold non-stop. curse and curse non-stop. tt makes me hate her so much. where on earth can u find a mother who curse ur future, curse ur baby, curse everything u do. by just looking, she doesnt look like someone who will do such thing. but yes, she curse me like fuck. so what's the point. if a comment made by me can make her hate me so much, i really have nth to say. because my comment is just a comment, not some curse, not some hurting words.
no wonder sometimes daddy dun feel like talking to her. i feel tt she's the worse mother on earth. dun say im unfilial. it's because of her actions tt make me think so. take for eg, she can finish up the food i bought, the tidbits, prunes etc. but after she finish eating and when we are out shopping, i ask her to buy it again, she'll give the excuse like it's not nice, it makes her teeth hurt etc etc. it's getting on my nerve. it's not the money issue im referring to. i can do everything for this family but no one will recognise it.
when i eat at home with them, i wash the plates for them. sometimes when i need to study, i'll tell her: 'hey mum, today u wash the plates. i go study already' n den she'll say:'aiya, everytime i wash one, u where got wash before. this hse u also never help any housework'
daddy can be my witness. tt's why on that particular day when she said tt, daddy talk back to her. because she always sees the weak point in one person and neglected the strong points. how i celebrate her mother's day, she never appreciate. my bro's gf bought her a carlo rhino handbag and she's so freaking happy over it. what's the point? yes i know im 'po chu qu de sui' if tt's the way u gonna treat me, den why didnt u abort me when u know im a female and not a baby with dick?
and she's also a control freak a very kpo person. she open up every letter of ours. check everything in our drawer, check every invoice on what we spent and scold us whenever she found a receipt that states hundred over dollars.
privacy, respect. where has it gone to? i really dun feel like coming home. it's more of hell than heaven. i cant talk on the phone. she'll come into my room and ask who im talking to. im already 20. i sure have the rights to have my own privacy. do whatever things i want. i know what im doing. even dealing with two guys. i know what i should and should not do.
alright, back to my love life.
last night both of us cried over the phone. i was actually very very sad. i just want to be with him but i really dunno how to break with my current. i feel very very guilty. his love for me deepens everytime he see me. he felt so 'tong ku' that last night he can no longer hold it and cried over the phone. for tt moment i feel like hugging him. i didnt ask him to give me more time, i just plead with him not to leave me alone. the feeling is like he's gonna leave me, nv to keep in contact with me. he thinks of how hurt my bf will feel, he says he's greedy. he want me to himself only. sometimes when i need to leave he feel so much wanting me to stay but i just cant. i really need to go.
my eyes is still swollen from crying.
i need to go take a bathe and accompany him at the salon soon. heex.
11:10 AM
