Sunday, June 01, 2008
every now and then, whenever he talk abt the issue of being terrence brother during his wedding, it just simply turn me off. and when i said no, he'll say he'll bring me along. but the prob is that who will bring the gf along? stupid ppl den will lo.
it's not the matter of brothership, it's because this fucker has been together with me before. i knew him too well. it's like after we broke up after tt stupid fling, he keeps wanting to intro other girls to him. and so i told him, fine, since you wanted to know them, den go ahead. i can do without you.
i know being together is build up base on trust. it's not tt i dun trust him. ppl who know me will know how many times he lied. and i caught him red handed. how many times did i forgave him? too many to mention. sometimes i will ask myself why? why forgave him when i knew i cannot take such lie. how many times have i told him i hate ppl lying. but he just cant help but lie and lie non stop.
i dunno what is stopping me from breaking. dun ask me either. maybe this is what i qian him in the past and now i have to return him back. who likes to be yelled at for no reason. which girl can coax a guy when he's freaking in his fucking hot temper? which girl is willing to wash such a dirty toilet without complain. which girl is willing to pick up her bf after work when she herself is also tired. which girl can stand it when the guy threw his temper on the phone right in front of his friend. who can stand the humiliation?
i dun want either. it's not like i didnt talk to him abt it. at the end of the conversation, he'll still blame it on me. and he said he needs freedom. how am i going to give him freedom after so many lies. after going clubbing without me knowing and still trying to deny everything. even when pictures was right in front of him, he still choose to deny. when i told my parents, they wanted me to leave him. but i just cant.
i spent every night crying and trying to make myself forgive him. even the thoughts of suicide trash into my mind. but i told myself, it's not worth it.
im fine with him hanging out with this bunch of new friends. they are much better than terrence. i swear.
i think i need to learn how to trust. and accept the fact that all along, im in the wrong.
im sorry but my heart still hurts. and yet to speak the truth, i still like terrence. even though it's been 2 yrs since we last broke.
11:41 PM
