Saturday, November 17, 2007
i dun wan this to be a very sad blog, nor do i want to make ppl bored with this entry. im going to talk abt my relationship and so please click on the 'x' at the top right/left (which ever way u wan it) hand corner of the screen if u are so tired of it....
yes we quarrel...is abt money issue. my dad and my brother's greatest worry abt me. because of that incident, that he went clubbing and lie to me that he's sleeping and using his hse phone to contact his friend, i never trust him anymore. not even when he's honest.
i just found out that there was a lot of cash in his 'smaller' wallet. and den today he brought a $10 notes with him when he sent me home. when i qns him, he said he put it inside and forgot to take it out. and i ask him if he wanted me to put it inside his room, he said no need. he put himself later when he come back.
it's very obvious on what im thinking. he's keeping another woman? well, only he himself knows it. everyday there's ppl who fetch him to work, which he acknowledge as colleague. but everytime when i called, the environment was very quiet.
i open one eyes, close one eyes.
money isuue will normally lead to marriage. and so i told him i WANT to get married 3 yrs later. date for 5 yrs, and den married. tt's the reason why i dun wan to further study. i told him many many times, that many many ppl told me that in a r/s, we cnt date for too long. so i thought maybe 5 yrs was still alright. he said NO. no money to get married at such a young age. he said if u want to believe these nonsense then u go and believe. but i foresee my own future that my husband MIGHT not be him. i'll get tired of a r/s without trust.
dun tell me im wrong. in a relationship there's no right or wrong. it takes two hand to clap. if i dun see any effort done, what for i stay in this relationship? he celebrated my birthday for me twice, without cake. every year cake was bought by my bro or my mother even when we are already together. i said already, i dun expect much from him. the only birthday i enjoyed was by my secondary sch friends who gave me a surprise during my 16th birthday at sentosa. i thought at least he'll give me a surprise, but he didnt.
showering me with lots of gifts is not sth i really fancy. because i can afford. is whether i want or not. what i want is surprise, and true happiness. not by making me upset, cry and den u try to buy things to cheer me up.
simple and easy. none shown.
my eyes was very swollen, u didnt ask much. only till i mention my eyes is swollen den u realise that it's swollen. but u dun give a damn. and neither do i.
my cysts is getting bigger. i read newspaper and heard that some got ovarian cancer and have passed away. i dun even know when i'll die. how long i'll survive. when my cysts will turn into cancer. i dun even dare to visit my gynae. because at the end of the day, the one feeling stress is me and myself to deal with all these.
but i know im very fortunate not being born as a handicapped. but my life is no much diff from a sick person. like waiting to die. seriously if i got cancer i also wun go for treatment. to me this life is like a torture. i rather die and reincarnate to be another thing than to continue living in this world. dun say i give up on my own life, is because everything is making me so sick and tired of it. whatever i done is never appreciated, never recognise and i dun even know what's my greatest achievement in life.
i dun feel like blogging anymore.
bye.
10:47 PM
