Tuesday, October 30, 2007
im here to apologise...to my dearest boyfriend.
im so sorry, i cant accept the fact. until now, i still cant. many times the thought just came back into my mind. im sorry again because i told myself from now on, whatever u says carries a 90% of lies. im sorry.
i've wept enough for u.
today u said...'i know u one, we've been together for so long. because u scared the rice cant fill my stomach, that's why u rather starve urself and let me have the leftover'
yes, it's true that sometimes when i see him finishing his food and im still left with a lot, i'll pass him my food. and the amt of food didnt fill my stomach. im glad he knows i starve myelf because im afraid he's hungry. but there's still so much for him to discover.
sometimes when i think back, i realise there's a lot of things tt when he thinks of it, i thinks of it too.
this issue has ben pondering me for very long. is he having another girl. because whenever we goes to SPC to top up petrol, the receipt that states last mth spending and current month spending is quite a lot. from what i rmb, it's been some time ever since we top up petrol. besides that, during april, there's this $400 spending on petrol. which i dunno who he top up for.
i wonder where do i exist.
besides those necklace, rings he bought for me, i didnt ask for more. even when im at the very broke end, i never stretch my hands to ask him for more. what rights does another girl has?
is that the way he shows his love for her?
my nick in msn has been very attractive hor....junliang n weijian. these 2 freak approach me at the same time. 1 talks abt my display name (love forever) and another talk abt my personal msg (070605)
im super confused. if i ask him abt it, he'll starts to deny. but if i refuse to confront, then it's the time when i've given up this relationship.
my mind is in a blank.
im very tired but i cant fall aslp.
god, please help me!!! im so tired of this r/s. so fake yet so true. i hate this life!
i went up to his hse to mop the floor, wash his clothes that cant be wash in washing machine, fold clothes that are dried and buy dinner for his dad and sis. i got myself all wet after washing the laundry. dear...this is the maximum i can do. all i can say is, ur family is the luckiest family. i never buy food for my family. because we usually eat out when everyone is home. i nv wash clothes unless my mum is out dating with my dad.
why am i doing all these for u? when u nv recognise it, when u nv appreciate.
im always alone when i need someone to talk to. u were nv there for me.
i rmb u beaking up with me. u said im a very unreasonable girl. u said u r left with no choice even though u dun wan to break. u know it broke my heart? and u sleeping soundly after the break. there's this feeling of ripping u off.
it hurts a lot...doenst matter much to you but means a lot to me.
do u still rmb 070605 00.00. how crazily were u in love with me? and when i said 'yes'...
if only fate can bring us further.
nights.
1:32 AM
