Wednesday, April 04, 2007
sometimes somehow...i feel unwanted.
i may give up both of them. it's not because there's no more love, no more feelings...it's because in their eyes, im jus a piece of shit, jus a piece of rubbish.
when they need me, i'll get their calls, when they dun, they either throw temper on me or ignored me.
sometimes there's jus some mixed feeling.
sth which cannot be explained. i felt so distance from him all of a sudden. i felt tt i no longer stands a place in his heart.
i went to look for him today. all he cares abt is his family, his tv set. see, in need of money still buy tv. i really dun understand ppl like him. does everyone in the hse have to own a tv set? which will increase utilities bills and can u imagine everyone watching the same channel in different room? sometimes nv pay utilities. i really cnt imagine my life if we were to continue.
since family is all he cared for, then wad's the use of my existence?
im not trying to say tt he should not care abt them, he should but c'mon, he treats everyone better than how he treats me.
i really feel like letting go. holding on to a r/s without any future. wad's the use?
his fren once told me, feelings is sth which cannot be switched on n off anytime. ya, he's right. but right now i really feel like switching off.
i know everything takes time. even wounds tks time to heal. but i really wan out.
i chatted with yenting today. because i really couldnt tk it anymore. couldnt tk in the sense tt today he tell me this story, tml he tell me another story. a min earlier he can throw temper on me, next he can treat me nice.
i asked him,'tml i'll be collecting me report, wanna come along?'
'at where?'
'my hse downstair'
'wad time'
'after work'
'i thought u gt other guys to accompany u for the report, dun need me one'
see why i feel so disheartened. he doesnt bother he doesnt care. im always alone. even going to clinic all these, if i really need his companion i have to beg and ask. he nv take initiative.
i need time. i really need. i may give up.
9:12 PM
