Sunday, January 28, 2007
i really doesnt know wad's going on. is it because the time for recovering is jus too short or is it tt i really cant accept it. I-DON'T-KNOW-
been staying up late recently and this will be a quick update because it's really late already.
i've no prob staying up late to study but yet i also gt no problem letting my thoughts wander. i could still vividly rmb wad actually happen on wednesday night. the time where my whole heart broke into million zillion of pieces. i've to let this haunt me every night, and everynight i nv fail to cry myself to slp. even after all those explanation frm his friends, the fact is -i still cant accept-
i did talk to my future's uncle's gf, michelle. we sms-ed frm like 10pm to 1 am. talking abt bridal issue and boyfren's issue.
many a times i get fed up with myself. i cant even hold on to someone, to make them be loyal to me. wad abt out future? will he be flirting ard with loads and tons of ladies?
i know i've gotta forget n forgive, well it isnt his fault too but c'mon, how can u expect me to recover in jus less than 1 week, a month.
i wanted so much to call up tt bloody bitch. i wanted to ask her to not behave so CHEAPLY. fancy going ard addressing ppl as ur darling not 1 but a few. (i mention A FEW) to make matter worse, u've gt a boyfriend. u stayed with him. yet u goes ard flirting with so many guys. u r not some pretty, slim, sexy or young gals anymore. being a 20plus going to 30 or maybe even older, cant u even behaves more maturely? do i have to buy u a full-length mirror to let u take a look at ur round n short n auntie-like looks?
i jus hope u have a fucking chance to read my blog because i want u to know how i bloody hellish hate u, how ur so-called COLLEAGUES desribe YOU-TO-ME. I pretended tt i didnt see u b4, yet i still rmb how u squeeze urself in tt yellow car. yup, i purposely USED the word SQUEEZE. the reason for my prentence is because i was so bloody eager to know how ur colleagues gonna describe u to me, and up to my surprise, they werent on ur side.
i dun care whose fault it is now. i jus hope to get this across my boyfriend's mind, if u still wanna get to know other girls, wanted to widen ur circles of friends, then go. i believe i can survive without you. i wun be left on the shelf. i believe if u really love me, u wun betray my trust. i believe u wun do things to hurt me but time and again u jus did. i've forgive u many times already and so...if there were to be 1 more time, i'll be gone, out of ur life FOREVER. and i mean it.
no one is perfect, we've to learn to love them and accept their imperfection. thru'out this 1 yr plus, i've learnt alot from this r/s. i've tried to put myself in his shoes in certain situation when we quarrelled....there's so many tt i dun have the energy to blog it down. it's already 3.15am le.
right now will be the time i learn to be independent and strong because i know one day he'll leave.
night~
2:54 AM
