Sunday, January 07, 2007
i realise the only way i can try not to think abt baby is to keep myself occupied. haha. he's the first guy whom i felt the so-call absence. first guy who's going overseas for so long in my life. haha. near to 1 month. the last time he went was brunei, and now was thailand. sobs.
u cant blame me if i miss him too much. like he had said, our r/s is a special one. a r/s whereby it's completely different from other relationship. other couples can meet up anytime as long as each other misses one another. our relationship is far too different. no matter how much i miss him, i cant meet him. i can only keep it to my heart. there's why many a times, it's so hard for me to say 'i love you' to him.
sometimes my mind is a blank. i dun even know who i love the most. if i were to judge on a fair fair basis, i'll definately say i love andy more. reason is because he likes her more, so in order to be fair to myself, i will say i love andy more. but sometimes when i think back, there were times whereby i love baby more, or should i say i like him more. the uniqueness in this r/s somewhat confuse me between the word 'love' and 'like'. usually during texting, i'll jus use the word 'like'. is it due to the uncertainty in his feelings for me or wad? i really dunno.
no matter wad, i've to get use to the uniqueness in our relationship, ive to treasure wad i have now. i should learn to accept the simple r/s that u want. i wun expect too much from u because it's not sth that u r able to give. i understand and i will nv blame u even if u dun call or return my call. i will try to understand how busy u r, and i'll try to put myself in ur shoes.
if u gt a chance to read this, i hope u wun get angry and start calling me and ask, 'wad have u wrote' because i didnt say much. haha.
chatted with sueping for a while. thanks gal for ur encouragement. heex. i'll try my best to do well. but even if i dun, i'll not give up because like wad u've said, everything will be wasted. jiayou.
1:12 AM
