Friday, December 01, 2006
i dunno wad to say. too sad to say anything, to make any comments.
i dun wanna contact him, but somehow i couldnt resist. maybe i should jus switch off my phone. u keep telling me u will call me back but u didnt. in fact i was the one who called u back. did i ever come across ur mind.
quarrelled with andy in the evening. still it left me crying. didnt i say i was tired of crying? how many times mus u ppl hurt me, how many times do u wan me to cry. actually things werent that bad, jus that when i thought of how each guys treat me, tears jus keeps flowing, i jus let go everything. sometimes i dun even know why im living here. why do i exist. every guy who wanted to be with me will treat me nicely, sweet talk etc, n when they finally got me, they treat me like shit, like i dun exist, like im a rubbish.
they r not worth my tears.
right now i finally realise who loves me more, who treasures me the most, who will never give up on me. that's dear. he gave me a kiss after his bath when he found me in bed crying profusely. he coax me whenever we quarrel, he make me realised my importance in his life, he told me he will nv give up this r/s. he gave me the greatest hug. thanks dearie. i'll treasure our relationship.
abt him, i really dunno wad i should say. i rather he's still in brunei now. dun ask me why. i admit im so naive to believe wadever he says. so now i deserve such treatment from him. his cold attitude, and everything. i really should stop myself from taking the initiative because I'VE NEVER EXIST IN HIS HEART, NEVER EXIST IN HIS LIFE AND EVERYTHING ELSE. im jus a spare tyre.
i gotta be strong. guys are not worth my tears. he's living so happily w/o me, so like wad he says, i should live happier.
though it's nv easy, i gotta try. the smile that i used to have will not be back so soon. but i believe it will recover one day.
11:34 PM
