Thursday, October 19, 2006
past few days of sadness, past few days of self-torture. hopefully it can comes to an end. when i thought everything was perfect it was otherwise.
it's been so long ever since i felt so happy. today before audit paper, u manage to cheer me, make me smile like there's no tml. every single thing i must really thank you alot.
went out with andy. quarrelled due to location problem. at tt particular instant, i thought breaking up was the best choice. i was tired in the r/s. called u after im done with bathing. i told you abt it. doesnt seems to matter to u a single bit. for tt instant, i realise im nth in ur heart. u wanted me to be with him, telling me how much he love me, but wad's the use.
'there will be better guys out there for me.' no reaction either. im doubting every words you said. once so true but yet, it turn out to be false. i tried to control my tears, my emotion. i couldnt. i let it all out. i cried so hard. the past few days hurt were all let out. how i wish u were there to comfort me, but i know ur heart is in taiwan. wadever you told me were jus things to make me happy, to make me believe u. only you know it yourself.
im willing to give him up for u, but can you do the same thing?
when u said u was attracted to me the first time u see me, was tt true?
chatted a while with pearly until her parents like dun believe tt i was the one on the phone. nvm abt tt. thanks pearly. she fully understand wad im going thru. to u maybe wad he said was the truth, but to me, im really doubting. u asked me to enjoy every moment with him, at least i get to own him once. but look, there's no way.
i felt so troubled.
i may not be contacting him anymore.
11:08 PM
