Saturday, July 01, 2006
shattered hearts, shattered dreams. tt's wad im feeling right now. i've told you zillion times i hate ppl shouting at me in public. look wad u've done today. basically across the road. stares n looks frm all sorts of strangers. the way u grab my arms, you look so horrible, so much like a beast an ass-hole. im not talking bad abt u here, im stating the fact. ask urself, touch ur heart.
went into cab, even the driver asked me. even the driver ask me if ur temper were tt bad. i remembered wad u told me when i went into the cab. 'dun ever come back'. at tt point of time, i've given up. wadever u say will nv go into my head. all i knw is to leave immediately. yup and finally. i nv thought of going back to you, i nv thought of being together anymore. break ups were all over my head, controlling my every movement. maybe, maybe my brain maybe god also cannot tolerate the way you treat me.
chatted a while with the driver on the cab. he thought my guy ask for sex. haa. nvm abt that. he called suddenly. i thought we were supposed to be over. lame ass. reached hm, no one ard, so i bang the door, throw my things, bang my rm door etc. wadever things tt appear in front of me, i jus throw. i know im violent, but i really needs to vent. both my parents were angry with me, to make things worse, my bf actually sides with them, and quarrel and shout and vent on me. ytd i nearly ran away from home.
i've given up. everything doesnt seems to go well for me.
studies-> efforts put in not recognised
bgr-> forever not working well
family-> forever blaming me forever against me
one day im leaving this bloody home. if not for test next week, i believe im now at my aunt's or granny's place.
cost and financial test coming up soon. im telling you, 'im not going to study much because wadever time i spent on studies are NOT recognised.' marks still as low as before, ok i admit im the black sheep of the class. always the last few. haha.
if can transfer i confirm will transfer to pearly class. not so stressed. everytime when teacher says our class grades very good, i will be thinking, ya, good but look at my results, it sucks big time. ppl thought im not serious in my studies, ppl thought i never study, ppl thought i heck care. when i care so much, when i studied so hard. look at wad i've gt. a result which is so low tt i can even stand the first few counting from the last.
so im telling you im not going to put in effort.
by the way bought a pair of SK earring. dun ask me abt the price. i dun rmb, i dun give a damn. i only noe tt when im unhappy i tend to spend a lot. i dun even bother to find out the price. feeling so much better. i tink im going back tml to look for another pair or maybe a bracelet. SK jewelry and SKII rox. haha.
10:11 PM
