Saturday, July 30, 2011
very very hurt... T.T
I've been trying very very hard to avoid penning my feelings here. but somehow there's no way to avoid when every thing starts to screw up. i really dunno what he wants anymore. whatever thing i do, i say, will provoke him eventually. sometimes i really wants to shut up and dun give a damn anymore. but it will be very awkward when a chirpy, noisy person starts to quiet down. i dun wan him to feel the difference in me. i dun wan him to question me. and end up, i chose to remain noisy and now offended him tonnes of times.
Many times, i wanted to give up.
I tell myself not to want anything.
Not him,
Not love,
Nothing at all...
Deep down i cried so hard.
We both wanted sth out of this relationship, at least for me.
But things just dun seems to work out well for us.
You know when you started crying, and all the flashback starts appearing...at your lowest point in life, you wanted to give up every single thing u once own. but when you realise you cannot bear to let go yet you dun wan to feel hurt anymore...
People tell me: try talking to him. if both dun talk, both avoid the topic, things is not going to work out well, and den...
YES I DID...but i failed! ended up he kept drinking and drinking...got drunk and it makes me terrible again.
Issue still remains.
Unsolved.
When you tries to hide every thing. from your family to your friends. you refuse to tell them tt some prob have arise. you thought u can settle them yourself. you thought u r old enough to settle everything. but the fact is, everything screwed up.
I really dunno how to stop my tears.
Dunno how to stop my heart from beating for him.
I just hope i can go back to 5 mths back, when we haven even started.
Things wun be complicated as it is now.
We can still be good friends.
But it's too late...
T.T...
11:16 PM
