Monday, March 21, 2011
i jus dun feel like talking...
am i starting to get emo or what?? i really dunno...
im starting to feel confused again...
wo zhen de kai xin ma??
11:52 PM
Monday, March 07, 2011
i broke free...it's been some time already... it's still frens tt keep me going..i realise i was really silly to hang on... all along he doesn't know how to treasure me... and after 2 1/2 mths of struggling, i finally decided to leave... because i know it's getting no where...
i used to follow my heart when it comes to love, i tell myself to follow my heart, as long as i love him one day, i will nv give up on him...but as time goes by, i realise i cant. mum was very much against us being tgt after learning to know tt he gambles and stuff... what else... i dun wanna upset my parents, i dun wanna upset him till one day i finally understood my mum...
the day i let him go... the day i finally decides that things will nv be the same anymore... even when we hang out tgt, i dun feel like talking, i cant even dote on him the way i did the previous time... i used to think he was the one i wanted...and i was wrong... it's sad to know tt a 2 and a half yr r/s is gone. but im really unhappy. im so sure of his weakness as compared to his strength. as much as i wanted things to be back to normal, i cant.
i knew his mum will hate me for torturing his beloved son, but there's really nth i can do anymore. my heart no longer feels the same. i really cannot understand wad can makes him hurt me so much in the past without feeling the pain. if he really love me, i supposed he wun hurt me tt much. so many tears that flow because of him, so many sleepless night, so many days of suffering w/o food, so many unhappy days. and so...i tell myself, it's time to let go.
the longer things drag, the worse it will become. no matter how the heart overrides the mind, i told myself to stay strong. it was torturing in the beginning, with his colleagues calling me up, accusing me and stuff... but still i told myself nv to turn back again... too many times, i turn back, to get myself hurt once again...
btw, i got into another relationship... but i really dun dare to put in much hope anymore... i was hurt enough! putting in too much will result in more hurt...
but it was also up till nw tt i realise i really canNOT trust guys anymore... the more i wanted to, the worst things will become. the more i wanted to trust, the more circumstances stop me from doing so... i wish i could be more independent...
i just wan to smile... tired from the hurts and crying...
8:49 PM
