Friday, October 30, 2009
其实你是最没有资格说我不爱你。。。我对你真得很好了。。。不要让我觉得一切都是我一厢情愿。。。
1:50 AM
Monday, October 26, 2009
when i gave you many times to change ur attitude, behaviour but once and again u let me down, let my parents down....and pulling a long face in front of them...just because i was a lil late in opening the door for u.
7:03 PM
Monday, October 19, 2009
i've been hesitating to blog. but well, since there's nth i can do and he's out chatting with his friends, i shall just penned my thoughts...
last wednesday he went back to malaysia, and then i went over to look for him with his bro on friday morning. we took the five star tour bus over. everything was well, i was eager to meet up with him...he waited for us at kluang. with his mum and 2 nephews...
but when we reached there, the feeling was totally different. i felt so mo sheng. nv once before. i got the feeling that he no longer needs me, i got the feeling like i dun need him. this weird feeling overcome everything. i find that i was no longer happy. i wanted to smile, i wanted to hold him but i cant bring myself to do so. i felt so strange...
like out of place, like we shouldnt belong together...
i admit i have the sudden urge to leave the area, the shopping mall. i felt i wasnt even invited, tt was worst. i tried so many ways to push tt thoughts away, i tried to walk further away from him, i tried to avoid letting him hold me. things got complicated...feelings too...
it was only after 6 hrs...tt the familiar feeling came back...
but these few days....i've been thinking and thinking...is he the right guy for me? am i suppose to live in a world of fear....fearing that he might hit me again, fearing that he might scold me for no reason again, fearing that he might use his feet to kick me again.... i cant listen to him. because im not those girls who do not have any decision, do not have their own point of view. i do things which i think is right, i dun agree with what guys says unless they feed me, i dun have to work, i take money from them, then i got no choice but to listen. but im not. my parents feed me, i earn some pocket money to cover my own expenses, i dun take money from him anymore like he used to give me. i have my own thinking.
i felt so terrible for the past few days. i feel like crying all the time but i tell myself not to. i make myself super tired every night so that i will not be reminded of all the bad things he did to me. because i dun want to hurt him up till now. i know my leaving will make him very very upset. i know i got to think of myself too....
i really dunno what i want...not anymore....
complicated.
11:42 PM
Saturday, October 10, 2009
im feeling so tired....i need more sleep but i'll definately wake up at a certain time. past few days we were busy moving house, i mean him, not me. im still staying at my comfort house right now. i helped him with the moving house, and then we walked all the way to the new house. a 5 to 10mins walk. and he's not feeling well. having cough and sore throat, flu and fever. but now okay le, left with flu and cough. tried to carry the heavy stuff for him so he wun feel so terrible.
clean up the new house for him too. though he does not appreciate it (he didnt say he dun appreciate but from his action it tell me all he's feeling) but i guess tt's what i could help with.
he said he doesnt know how to unpack his stuff. haha. and so i went over early in the morning to help him unpack and put some stuff away. much neater in this home but dunno after a few months what will it look like. haha. cause he dun usually tidy. plus his bro will be staying with him so will make it worse. hahaha.
back aching like hell and my mummy is scrubbing his stained top right now. haha.
3:48 PM
Monday, October 05, 2009
i just got back my laptop. feeling so great with it though it's abit lok kok. hahaha. we did patched things up, his mum scolded him for treating me so badly, we went back to his house at malaysia, though we still quarrel here and there but well, really hope tt he can treat me better.
with respect to jq, a part of the previous post is actually posted to you. i just want u to know tt im not as despo as what u think. using facebook doesnt mean im out there to look for a better guy. im not like you, can add this girl add tt girl. and this explain why i refuse to reply to ur dumb msn qns. and i dun need a guy to screw me straight. dun ever try to pollute my mind with ur fucking dirty mind. GIGOLO!
back to auditing homework!
2:10 PM
