Thursday, September 17, 2009
i was out with fiona at orchard yesterday. we were supposed to shop ard for more tees as sch reopening but i just couldnt concentrate on shopping. i let my mind wonders, i think of him, i missed him, even though he treats me like shit, i still love him, have tt strange feelings for him. dun ask me why.
i called up his mum yesterday. i told her abt the issue. she can even agree that the past is the past, it's not like im still the same. she promised tt she'll talk to him abt it. but there's no more chance in this relationship. we'll b meeting up tml and that will be the last time. he'll continue with his life, i'll continue with mine.
and of course, like i said, talking to nonsensical ppl is like wasting my saliva. what shit does she know we are going thru. what gives her the right to reprimand me? i dun use to hate you, but from the way u spoke ytd, it makes me irk you. in a relationship, im not comparing who sacrificed more, it's because he was the one who insist he sacrificed more than me. tt's why i brought it up, dumb ass.
i guess right now, i'll continue with my life. i'll open up my eyes to look for a better guy. no hurry, i'll just let them appear in my life. but i wun look for guys online, im not tt desperate.
sometimes when u thought u did the best, they think otherwise.
it feels terrible, i cried, cried out loud not even bothering abt the public. it's when u love someone so much and that's the only thing they can give...
i dun need any other guys shoulder to lean on, i only needed urs. but now what? they are offering, im rejecting. i just dun understand why up till now im still bothered by what u think.
11:16 AM
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
okay, we broke off because he cannot get over my past. he says im too flirt, anytime i might leave him for another guy. which fucking idiot can see how much i've changed for him. listened to him. everything everything.
yet i still believe that if u really love a person, you'll changed for him no matter how difficult it is.
he slapped me so many times yesterday. until his colleague stopped him. she sort of pull him away from me. after that she came over to sayang me on my face. and she told me these: from the start, i never see tt this relationship will work out, you are a uni student, there's such a big gap in your qualification, leave him, because if he hit u know, even if the relationship works out, he can do more hurting stuff to you.
swollen at my jaw area.
8:41 AM
Saturday, September 12, 2009
i had a bad cry last night. i feel so terrible. and the sudden shouting and venting thru the phone. lots of thanks to mabel who listen, advice and kind-of console me. i feel so helpless because i wasnt at fault. i feel so terrible being maligned. i was just speaking the fact abt how he treats me. but...well, anyway after that he apologized. which means i manage to talk to him nicely. he said he'll do self-reflection but i wonder when will that be lah.
at least he apologize. though he doesn't know how hard i cried because of his words. it's okay because i just want him to change his character.
went to SIM to pay the school fees in the morning. manage to make my mum go down together if not my dad will be riding his bike there. i dun like the idea because wearing helmets will make my scalp itchy. and so got car sit who dun wan. ben dan!
nth much to do. maybe read some novels and go back to sleeping. my boyfriend will be busy.
1:26 PM
Friday, September 11, 2009
no difference from being single...
10:32 PM
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
i've been thinking...thinking and thinking...never once had i stop thinking...okay, u can name it day-dreaming, whatever it is...
why should i really care and love someone who obviously deserve nth? look at that...a person who accompany you for lunch...how will u view this person? is it care, pure irritant or what. a person who care so much abt you, is there a 'thank you' from u? she doesnt need all these...she dun yearn for things which u thought she's after. and you, can for no reason scold her, throw food right at her, use vulgarities on her and you expect her to be strong, not cry, swallow everything and pretend nth ever happened? no way! she cannot, she will never be able to take it as if nth happen... does she do that to you? ask urself again. when did vulgarities leave her mouth? -> only when she can no longer tolerate ur nonsence. when did she ever throw boiling food right into your face? -> nv once! and when u cried hard, she could only hold onto you because it pains her heart to see you cry.
how much have you done for the person u said you love? you hurt her so deeply, do u know? the most at the end of the day, you said a sorry. but what abt the tears...isnt her tears precious? why must u hurt someone so badly and then u realise u got to apologise? why cant u make it into a situation in which no apology is needed, both of you are happy?
well, 'nuff said... those who really understand will know who im talking abt...not important anyway.
10:16 PM
Thursday, September 03, 2009
met up with fiona mabel and yufeng at jurong point to discuss abt the subjects we are gonna take for the final year. but we made no conclusion. the 3 compulsory are auditing and assurance, financial reporting and managerial accounting. and then...to take ISORG and Elements of Law? or to take an easy paper just to pass? this make us all confuse. so waiting for fiona to call up the sch to check for the criteria for the exemptions of the first two stages for ACCA. and then we'll decide. which probably will ends up with us pursuing ISORG and Elements of Law. seriously, what has information system which talks abt computer stuff got to do with ACCA exemptions? no one knows. it's gonna be a boring paper by the way and lots of theory. final year must pia! i wonder if i can.
got this freebies from the premier and she asked for a 2 mins demo with dead sea salt. provides moisture for the hand and stuff. and when she saw the bruises on my hand, she got a shock. she ask me why so many, what happen, why so swollen. still got where got bruises. i dunno what to reply. i said i accidentally hit into sth. my dad was asking too. he thought was mosquito bite but when i said is blue-black, he asked me what happen.
anyway after discussing, went home for dinner and then off for tuition. luckily my mum cooks dinner, if not i guess i wun be eating.
but im having very bad gastric now.
i feel nauseau.
11:33 PM
看到我这个样子，他们的心很痛。。。他们知道有事发生可是我又不说。。。能给的关心，他们都给了。。。
好多个晚上没有睡好。。。都是以泪洗脸。。。
12:59 PM
