Thursday, May 29, 2008
i dunno why but i felt so stressed today that i nearly broke down. suddenly the amaths question seems like a stranger to me. sth i didnt learn before and it's like im left with only a few days to study. as the exams approach, i gets easily fed up, i dun bother abt phone calls and smses, i dun talk to anyone.
but luckily in the afternoon, i called up fiona and talk to her abt that stupid amaths. i told her i was damn freaking stress. or maybe because i spent too much time on econs and i forgot abt my amaths stuff. i felt so much better after calling her. i can never believe that i sat on my study table from 9plus till 11 plus without leaving the seat. and i forgo my lunch because i was too stress to feel hungry.
tomorrow is anthoer studying day. i hope i dun feel so stress.
please wish me luck. hee.
11:21 PM
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
today is my last lesson for bridging course. thanks to our econs lec. thanks for the tips. but 46 marks confirm fly away.
so tired. lesson ended early.
went to fiona's hse b4 lesson and den went for lunch at subway. the cookies is still lying in my kitchen. yummy.
daddy gets upset with me cause i didnt go for graduation. so he doesnt want to talk to me today. idiot. luckily i dun have lesson on saturday. humph. i can remain silent. im okay with not talking at home. sometimes i think i've autism. because at times when i dun feel like talking, i'll purposely quarrel with my mum so i dun hv to talk. and i can hide in my room.
ok, should sleep early. tml is revision day again. jiayou.
11:53 PM
i know i should be studying now but...somehow i just cant do it. pretty scared of econs paper because ting said that 46 marks is a killer marks. meaning that we will nv know how to do. he just use that to entertain uni of london. but don't u think it's a lil too much?
i do miss poly life. i miss so many lecturers there. miss mlt8. miss some of my poly friends. but i know life still goes on. no matter what, we should cherish what we have. yea, im cherishing. lol.
i dun like staying at home. really dun like. because i dun like the way my parents control my life. i feel so suffocated in this house. i cant go out because my father will keep qns-ing me, he'll say a lot of stuff and he will ask me to wake up early ask me to help him with this and that. not tt i dun wanna help, it's because i dunno how he do stuff, so my way of doing may not be up to his liking. but nevertheless, no one can control me, if i say i wanna go out, means i want. no stopping else i'll bang and throw whatever i have. hahaha. im this bad-tempered. i've change alot by the way.
im seriously trying to lose weight. but how??? i dunno. so many days of idling at home. i didnt exercise at all. i feel so fat.
12:10 AM
Monday, May 26, 2008
sometimes it just sadden me to think that afterall, it's just a piece of shit. yes, i choose this path myself and to make it so small that so far i only contact 2 of them.
all along, i nv like some. up till now i still dislike her. no matter how hard i tried to convince myself, i just hate her f'attitude. and i guess till now, the reason why im skipping graduation is also because of her.
as much as i want to cherish the ppl ard me, some just makes me feel like treating them as invisible. yet i knew some friends are worth knwing. ppl like collen.
i went to malaysia last night with my boyfriend, dax and tapioca. haha. actually 4 ppl squeezing in one car is better than separating. dun ask me why, guess it's because more things to talk abt. and den after tt headed back to spore. at first dax sent my bf and tapioca back and den i was like so shocked. 'what abt me!' lol. cause dax stay near my area but it just feel so weird for him to send me hm w/o bf. so end up tapioca got to make a trip to send me back. thanks thanks.
somehow i really feel like getting married. but im afraid we might be separated. maybe i think too much but the feeling of getting married excites me. and im already thinking of who to become my bridemaid. isnt it crazy.
okay shal end here. it's a crazy post.
10:53 PM
Friday, May 23, 2008
okay just take it as it's my fault.
i shouldnt have flare up because u are trimming ur nails. i should just let u do whatever u want next time. even if it means throwing me alone in a corner. well, it was meant to be a joke but u took it too seriously. besides keeping quiet, i dunno what to say.
but thanks for hugging me after that. thanks for cuddling me. i appreciate it.
i've been thinking for the whole evening. im wrong. i cant fall for other guys when im still with him. because i just love him the way he is. i know after 3 yrs of tolerance, i know i can still take it. i know i will not be xing fu, but i just know because love is blind. no matter how hard life becomes, i know i can tolerate.
i bought so many stuff today.
4 panties from john little. 1 mascara. 6 face masks. 1 lipgloss. 2 packets of pocky. i got it all in less than 1 hr. im so happy because im so decisive. hahaha.
i hate it when guys end up in the department for ladies. which is the bra and panties column. because initially i wanted to try triumph bra, but when i saw 2 guys, i dun even dare to look at it.
belgian chocolate from coffee bean is heaven.
despite menstruating, im still taking cold drinks. and now im craving for choc mint ice-cream.
guess that's all. tml got to go to school myself because my fan-tas-tic daddy is complaining abt the increase in price for petrol. hey daddy, i dun mind a ride in ur bike either. hahaha. alright i got to wake up like 6.50am when lesson starts at 9? it's not the make-up prob, it's the snatching of toilets and the time taken for the journey to school. it takes barely 15mins drive from my home. haix.
11:29 PM
i cannot stand it anymore. another day of staying at home is like hell. even if it means less than 24 hours.
and why the hell am i so stupid to got myself enrolled in SIM when i doesnt want to study, i dun like to study. and now im taking fruitless leave when i dun even feel like studying at home, and the thought of studying can make me lay still in bed, refusing to climb out.
parents nagging is also another thing i feel like escaping from. like who will like their parents to nag at them? but parents just dun realise this.
and now i got into deep trouble by falling for him.
how idiotic can life be?
how stupid can i be?
how brainless am i?
cam-whored a lot last night. but im just too lazy to upload the photos.
i've yet to make this blog public, meaning tt none of my close friends know abt the existence of it. because i yearn for privacy.
i need to get my fat butt down and study.
need to convince myself tt whatever results i get, i've put in 100% effort (im lying)
im depressed dr andrew toon! haha.
lesson tml as usual.
iras friends are holding a k-boxing session. but im not joining because im anti social. because i dun sing well, because i know i'll be bored......and the real reason for not going is because im having my period, so no cold drinks allowed. such a waste. and my boyfriend dun allow me to go. but i know if i insist, he cant say no too. i got the power!
depress la. thanks to dr andrew toon.
3:40 PM
Thursday, May 22, 2008
no work till 5th june. im so happy but yet im sad. sad because exams is nearing. i got no confidence to do well, no confidence to pass the econs paper.
whenever it comes to exam, some history just keep flashing in my mind. back to the past when i was still with terence. when he bought me chocolates from taiwan. and chocs was the only companion for my 1 week of study break. once again i thank you for being so thoughtful. so far u are the only guy who was able to fill me up with surprises.
i was the one who gave up this unfaithful r/s. i destroyed our dreams.
ur perfume still lingers in my heart but i know we can never be the same.
ks: dun be confused. ( i know it's pretty confusing to mend between blogspot n OD)
lots of misses. for both.
11:22 PM
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
i really dunno what im doing....
i think im mad. please please ignore me because i really think im insane.
10:54 PM
Saturday, May 17, 2008
im getting very tired. there's nth we can talk abt, there's no topic for us to communicate. what remains are those 'yes', 'no' ans. dun ask me why i've become lidat. im just too disappointed in you.
i've given in to you million of times. trying very hard to salvage this relationship. yet u just cant stop scolding me in front of the public. u are the one agreeing to queue and what for throw ur temper at me? whatever i do, u must approve first. yet u always act as if u approve and then throw ur temper at me after that. im tired very very tired.
what do u take me as? why can u take it as if nth happen?
even parking fines im responsible for it. even things that has nth to do with me, u blame it on me. my dear, the god is not blind.
i just dun understand why im being treated like a trash.
many times i tried to end this relationship. but what i got back were very very nasty comment on how i look down on you, the guys i have besides you, and things that wasnt true. these were the only thing i fear, if not i guess i've already decided to leave.
anw today marks the end of this relationship. i dun feel like talking abt it.
bye.
10:51 PM
Friday, May 16, 2008
i seriously wasnt in the mood today. not even for work.
was having flu and sore eyes last night. so i slept super early, like 10.45pm. the feeling is shiok la. but i woke up with a swollen eyes. brought forward from last night. haha. it's so ugly and itchy. during lunch time i've no choice but to buy eye mo and apply.
也许是我想太多。
only i know what i meant.
bye.
11:04 PM
Sunday, May 11, 2008
i wasnt really in the mood for anything.
im very tired. tired of this r/s. dun ask me why. i've tried my best to forgive and forget but i dun have such a big heart. i dun have a big heart to swallow everything down and then take it as if nth happen.
i can give up everything for u, but what have u given up for me? u like to smoke, u like to lie. u like to use vulgarities on me making me feel as if im really so useless. i always thought that by ignoring what u say, taking it as some sing-a-long, i'll feel much better. but im wrong.
u scolded me for things which i didnt do, u scolded me for things tt wasnt done by me, u treated as if im totally invisible.
i find it pointless to stay. im really getting tired of everything. even getting tired of seeing ur parents. i dun like the lifestyle they lead. or maybe im too used to my parents' lifestyle. to work and spend their own money instead of expecting their child to pay for all their expenses. maybe different ppl different thinking.
i dun deny my feelings do change by a lil.
i told u i hate liars. how many times have i forgiven u? count it urself.
im confused. very very confused.
10:25 PM
Saturday, May 10, 2008
i am so angry. angry with the manicurist and angry with my boyfriend.
she did not do a good job and now my nails look like it is done by some fucking inexperience manicurist.
my unreasonable boyfriend gave me crab and ask me to eat it and there goes my nail.
he scold me for nth and keep throwing his fucking temper on me. like i owe him 1millionn $ .
i feel like im just his toy. when he need me, he will want me to be there, if he dun need me, he will throw his temper on me.
i really feel like leaving. but i dun have the courage to do so.
11:07 PM
Friday, May 09, 2008
it seems so weird. i dunno. really dunno how to describe it. maybe it's true that i sucks being a girlfriend. i felt the distance.
I REALLY DUNNO !!!
im very confuse. i dunno what to say. how to phrase it.
i fell in love with 想太多 by nicky li if im not wrong.
i hate school. damn bloody hate it. 9am to 12pm. and it's econs. darn!
10:40 PM
Thursday, May 08, 2008
i was damn pissed off today. pissed off with sam. what actually happened today was like this....
i was working at my own table, not talking to anyone. and then i was listening to music since it's so boring and my mp3 was charging. so i've no choice but to use my phone's loudspeaker. already switched to a volume whereby i will not disturb anyone.
sam suddenly spoke to me. ask me whose song is that, so disgusting. like yu cheng (my another colleague). den i told him, u dun have to listen to the song, just concentrate on ur work. and he started linking it to mrt and then slapping the person in the train because the person ask him to concentrate on his own work. so to make it simple, it's like he wants to slap me for talking back.
nvm, nvm, this one i bo chap. i went over to fiona's area and then when i got back, he started saying, 'wah, u complain finish already ar' being damn fucking angry, i didnt reply. and so he said: 'wah, know how to ignore ppl'
and then after tt yucheng was telling us how much di kai and his gang hates sam and they purposely always eat at the foodcourt on the 2nd storey. they purposely dun wan to go out to eat knowing that sam always wan BK. lol. and they were saying tt whatever thing he says, they pretend they didnt hear. haha.
bingo.
im not alone. so sam poh and brenda choo, i cant be bothered seriously. as to why brenda is being dragged in, it's because she step on my tail first. no la, she actually showed her true colours after 1 month. we used to think she's a nice girl, but i didnt expect her to gossip behind ppl's back and keep bad mouthing ppl. got this kind of boyfriend will have this kind of girlfriend.
whatever it is, i tell u, i will treat them as invisible soul.
7:47 PM
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
u said that our relationship will not change unless i change. but right now, i have not change a single bit. it's u that change the most.
u get easily irritated on the phone.
u flare at me.
u seldom call me now.
look who's the one changing.
i've no confidence in this relationship. let alone think of the future.
shall we just let nature take its own course or ....
some nights it's so difficult to fall asleep. because i keep thinking of it.
i wish i could have the trust in u. but i cant. never.
10:50 PM
Monday, May 05, 2008
i dun feel like going to work in the morning.
an accident happen ard my area towards lakeside. a lady was knock down by a car while crossing the road, i presume. haha. guess she fractured her legs which landed her in such a funny position. i was so shock. because that's the way i cross the road every morning povided there are ppl crossing together with me. if not, i'll walk to the traffic light.
and it reminds me of that evening when tt bus driver nearly knock me down. i guess i'll fly off because he's driving at high speed.
accident here and there. makes it so pointless to learn driving.
10:28 PM
Sunday, May 04, 2008
im old enough to think. to make a decision myself. i believe everyone needs freedom and i believe every children hope that their parents will trust them.
frankly speaking i really love the life in malaysia. no doubt abt that. i regret converting my citizenship but what's done is done. but going to and fro to malaysia is okay for me. as in why does my parents always think abt those dangers and things that is not going to happen?
not as if im not sensitive to the surrounding.
maybe they just dunno me well enough.
im studying.
9:36 AM
Saturday, May 03, 2008
i dunno if it's trust or lack of confidence. please please dun ask me why. ive been thinking a lot recently. i just have a feeling he's cheating on me.
I DUN KNOW.
11:01 PM
im feeling so full right now. haha. just had curry chicken with eleanor, fiona and junliang. my plans for today was to study abit of maths. but looking at the time, i really feel like sleeping.
i was tossing and turning in bed last night. couldnt sleep though it's like 12 am plus.
i think i really need a nap.
3:15 PM
Friday, May 02, 2008
i know i haven been updating in my proper ways. but everyday after work, it's been so tiring. i'll rather make it short and sweet.
shopping with fiona on wednesday. i simply bought only nail arts at fareast plaza. can u believe it??? haha. after tt we went over to dfs. both of us were eye-ing on gucci gucci. haha. nvm abt tt. we cant afford at this age.
bought another slipper from m)phosis. haha. nice nice. im lovin' it. haha.
work is getting bored. we are doing work item now which means that everyone will be facing a desktop and we have to check on their e-filing thingy.
my friends are going to quit soon. and soon, will be left with me and fiona. haiz. i think it's getting bit pointless to stay. sob.
shall end here. bb.
10:20 PM
