Thursday, January 31, 2008
HAPPY HAPPY....today is our last exam.
started so hurriedly at 9am in the morning. no time to recall, and then walk to mrt because i dun wanna take bus as i know there will be jams. with my half-awake look, went into the rooms. trying to focus on this very last paper. at times i felt my eyelid dropping. was so tired. i think im tired mentally. my brain didnt get enough rest due to waking up early and sleeping late.
so after these torturing to my brain, it's time to CELEBRATE.
after exam, we wen to the lib and then to jasmine's room too chit chat. we are so gonna miss our favourite lecturers there. sobx!!
then proceed to cineleisure for ljs. and then PARTYWORLD with crystal, seelian, kelly, chinghui, von and tsl. hee.
it's been 3 yrs. shuo chang bu chang, shuo duan bu duan. i'll definately miss poly's life. and most importantly i'll miss my bunch of girls. hee.
alright, i got some stuff to do.
say goodbye to diploma in accountancy in SP. i love all the lecturers. muacks!
nights.
11:06 PM
Monday, January 28, 2008
i dunno why im blogging at this freaking hour. maybe because i cant absorb anymore or i just hate the feeling of studying.
we quarrelled today. more towards me getting angry and fed up with him. i ignored him for 4-5 hours. i cant rmb. not talking to him and keeping him at an arm's length distance.
these few days, i think and think and think abt this r/s. i really really cannot carry on without any feelings in it. i dunno why. there's no third party for me. i guess it's because im tired of leading tt boring life with him.
it was only after dinner that i talk to him. because his mum was in the kitchen too. if not, i wun even bother. after tt spring clean his hse. his room to be exact. see, everything seems like a chore. i did without complains.
madness. what kind of relationship is this? 32 months coming soon, but then there's no love between us. i seriously dunno. greatly affected by his words. he told me, 'even if u want to break with me, break la, it's not like i cant live without you'
i rmbed it so clearly that sometimes i really have the urge to leave him once and for all.
time and effort is nothing to me. im still young. im not getting married at a young age. and im not going to bear any child. so i dun mind marrying a guy who's a divorcee. so i dun have to bear any child for him.
it's obvious that we both have separate thinkings on the future.
my dear, for now, my heart dun belongs to you totally.
i need sleep.
12:03 AM
Saturday, January 26, 2008
believe it or not.
i cant sleep properly last night. i dreamt abt MACC paper for 3 or 4 times. and waking up for 3 or 4 times during the night consoling myself not to think abt it and look forward to the next 2 papers.
and eventually i woke up because i dun wanna dream abt tt freaking paper anymore and partly because im hungry. too hungry to fall asleep.
please everyone, congrats me for gonna fail badly in this MACC II. congrats me to study in SP again. dun say im exaggerating. my CA1 can hardly cover my marks if i did badly. and for CA1, it's because michelle gave me that 1 marks in order to let me pass. michelle is not going to give me additional marks because IT CANT HELP!
to even believe tt some can do it, yet lied to me saying they cant. this is the stupidest lie i can ever swallow.
define hardwork.
no im not going to put in much effort for AFA and neither CSP.
im in fact looking forward to my dinner at sembawang seafood restaurant. treated by my bf's brother.
gotta help my mum spring clean the kitchen. bye.
10:51 AM
Thursday, January 24, 2008
it feel so scary....these few days study abit and then get distracted. going to pasar malam frequently to buy food to eat n eat. ramly after dinner directly. otah and crispy pancake at 9pm. so pals, dun get surprise if u see me getting fatter and fatter.
1 more day will be MACC exam. feel so scared. because i didnt use 100% heart to study. here and there also dun understand. haha.
i hate staying at home. it let my mind wander off. thinking of those impossible stuff. maybe impossible to me, but not to him ar. hahaha. seriously if tt's what he wants, there's nothing i can do. a leopard cannot change its spot. lying n lying. im so tired. but seems like i cant talk to anyone.
has my love for him faded? this is sth i have to ask myself. with or without has got no difference. it's more of a chores. i hates everything abt him, he hates everything i do. i dunno why we are still together. screaming and shouting at each other seems like a habit. ignoring each other seems like an everyday event. lying seems like tongue-twister. hahaha.
love. this is love.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!
12:33 AM
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
i feel so bored. im too lazy to study. or because i have the mindset of: 'i wun do well even if i study so much' hahaha. they says hard work pays off, but for me, 3 yrs in poly, my hardwork nv pays off. since its the last pp already, shall depends on fate.
there was a saying: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ will only come to you when they need you. sometimes i think it's true. they says i couple will not be together forever, but a _ _ _ _ _ _ will be with u forever, supporting you. but i think otherwise. like what i've told one lecturer, _ _ _ _ _ _ comes and go. when they met new one, they will forget totally about you. so what for?
argh!! im thinking too much. hahaha. i should be studying. hahahahha.
else i gonna say goodbye to MA.
4:59 PM
Monday, January 21, 2008
two days of not studying. i feel so guilty.
saturday- went to malaysia with my parents. bought a lot of stuff.
sunday- went to IMM twice. first is with my bro, next with him to buy his new year clothes.
today dun have the mood to study. i dunno why either. all i hope is for the exam to end. boo.
nth much to blog.
6:23 PM
Thursday, January 17, 2008
providing an opening ears. this is what i've been doing to my friends.
i was chatting with my secondary sch friend today. because he and my another friend broke up. what i dun like is being scolded for something u didnt do for. as in when u dun understand certain things, they'll use very bad words like ' you duno meh', 'why such qns' 'all girls are cruel'
as in i only got to know such thing now now now. i dun even know the prob between the two of them.
there's a price to pay for being nice. hahahaha.
relationship, relationship and relationship.
conquer all but not emo-ness.
im glad just very glad tt he will be back to mugging for his paper. =)
at least im able to console him. hahahaha.
8:52 PM
blogging is getting boring....
studying studying studying. but what actually went into my brain. i dunno.
was it pure laziness or was it because i just refuse to absorb.
last exam in poly already.
there's no motivation, nth.
yawn!
1:04 AM
Sunday, January 13, 2008
it's revision week already. very fast. before i can even bid goodbye to my fellow classmates. saying goodbye to projs. saying goodbye to all my lovely lecturers out there.
i really dunno what revision i want to start with. but right now, in the right state of mind focusing on CSB is impt.
ytd helped out at openhouse. that director was looking at me because i was dress in a racer back and 3/4 jeans. rmb the sch rules stated no sleeveless. but c'mon, who cares? lee tan lin was the one who was so stingy abt distributing t-shirts. i reckon the day will be hot and stuffy, so dress in my most comfortable top. and then june was asking me why do i dress like that. like wtf can. go ask lee tan lin la. she was the one who say can wear racer back. as long as dun reveal tummy.
heck care. anyway i've been breaking the rules ever since. as long as i didnt wear slippers and shorts, you should be happy enough. and the position to play account poly has turn out to be accountancy counseller telling them abt this course. no matter how bad, we must make it sound fun. so freaking thirsty after that.
after that freaking 2 plus hours of talking, me and geok proceed to getting free ice-cream at convention. who cares if we are SP students. we pay school fees. we have the rights to eat it la.
after that reached home at 3pm, cannot stand the weather and the headache it causes me. jump up to bed and sleep till 5 plus. it feels great because i sweat it out. feeling much better.
just came back from loyang. went to fetch my bro back.
tired tired tired.
11:53 AM
Saturday, January 12, 2008
no matter how tired, no matter how unhappy i am. i think i've to blog this down. i dun wan anymore scars on my body.
i've sort it out, i've think it thru. because he told me, everyone will change. and so will his feeling for me. dun need to go indepth. i know what he means. cried as much as i've imagine. think as hard as i could.
sometimes i really dunno why im still alive in this world. somehow i feel very very worthless. i gets very tired of living. you can say im trying to escape from reality but the fact was im very tired. tired of my life, tired of everyone ard me. sometimes i just hope i can be knock down by a car and just end it right there. yet i always think of the consequences.
everyone doesnt like to be accused. but today i was accuse of sth. sth which was so untrue. i dun wan to talk abt it. but deep down it bothers me alot alot.
是你变了吗？还是因为在一起太久，感觉到腻了?
真想和你聊一聊天
很想看看你温柔的容颜
多想听你说自己并没有变
很想看我们从前的照片
多想和你再接近一点
你现在的心 是在靠在谁的身边
是你变了吗 我的影子笑我的人好傻
是你变了吗 我已经跟不上你的步伐
是你变了吗 对你的感觉应该停止吧
已经不明白你的想法
已经不再看见 你眼中的牵挂
真想和你聊一聊天
很想看看你温柔的容颜
努力说服自己你没有变
很想看我们从前的照片
多想和你再接近一点
你现在的他 是否真已从心所愿
是你变了吗 我的影子笑我的人好傻
是你变了吗 我已经跟不上你的步伐
是你变了吗 对你的感觉应该停止吧
已经不明白你的想法
已经不再看见 你眼中的牵挂
难道我必须假装开心吗？
12:12 AM
Friday, January 11, 2008
i dunno why i just feel comfortable blogging in opendiary.
recently, there were many problems popping up. and i've thought it through.
they says happiness don't last. i know.
there'll be this open house in SP tml. and lee tan lin sort of psycho us to help out in the accounting poly. so to avoid these pestering, my iap grp and wei khjan have decided to help her.
anyway really must say goodbye to all my fellow poly friends. i love all of you but i cant join you ppl for activities because u all know why la. dun need to say it here. but i'll try to join when im available.
i love my lecturers too. greatly missed lec will be tommy yee, ng eng poh, jasmine ang, caleb lye, sriven and june.
thanks for teaching us and tolerating our class. but i have to specially thank caleb lye for explaining and explaining IAP things to us and being pestered by us during the first sem in IAP. thanks for joking with us and i like your sissy partern. and i've to repeat myself, it's not that i dun like you. so please dun keep asking me is it i dun like you thats why i always comment u on this and that.
and also to eng poh, we love your cold jokes. u love to make fun of us, and sometimes making us feel like we are a fool la. hahahaha. i think we'll miss going to ur room to disturb u and ask for chocs and sweets. and t 22433. ur room. heex.
as for the rest of the lec, i really dunno what i wanna say because i cant think right now. not in the mood and not in the right state of mind.
alright then. miss my friends greatly.
9:20 PM
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
不知不觉就过了两年半。在一起的时光，有的是开心的，有的是不开心的。也许不开心的时光比较多。
很开心能够认识你，因为只有你才能让我迷迷糊糊的爱了2年多。只有你才能让我每天活在有人会保护我的日子里。虽然有时闹得很僵，甚至让我感觉很累，可是我的心里喜欢的，爱的还是你。
骗过你两次，我感到很对不起你。我只想说声对不起。不管如何，我的心里永远都会容纳你的。
我只希望我们可以少吵点架。
累了！
爱的仍然是你。
12:07 AM
Sunday, January 06, 2008
心情不太愉快。
总是觉得如果心情不好，最好是不要出声。以免周围的人无辜被骂。能承受的，我也坑了。自己不开心就好，不要影响到别人。我的原则。
过了那么久，我还没忘过他。令我恨他；令我爱他。好复杂。
我经常告诉自己，一个就足够了，不要太贪心。不会有人了解，不会有人体谅。每个都认为是我的错。
其实我受够了。只想谁也不爱，谁也不恨，自己一个人过这平凡的日子。
我心中狭窄，忘不了你对我做过的一切。难道报复才能让我比较好受吗？
可能爱到麻木了。
完美追求者！
累！！
10:26 PM
Saturday, January 05, 2008
not very happy. because i just got to know frm my mum that they went to look for fortune teller abt their year in 2008.
dad has to beware of his health and drink a lot of water. and mum have to travel.
they doesnt want to talk much. like trying to hide something. because for those born in the year of tiger, mouse yr not very good.
i just wish it's untrue. but still, i think it's true.
i hate coughing and blocked nose. because i like to talk alot. with coughing, i cant.
i didnt go for C Y bbq. not feeling well. so sorry guys.
off to do management letter.
wed got psychology n counselling test.
thurs got presentation.
where got time to study????
10:23 PM
Thursday, January 03, 2008
haven been online for a few days. been really tired and i slept at 11 pm every night.
i missed home cook food because it's been 6 days ever since i last eat home cooked food. getting really tired of hawker food. fast food etc.
counting down to saying goodbye to my friends in poly. it's so fast. 3 years just pass by lidat.
shall end here.
8:59 AM
