Thursday, August 30, 2007
he just pop into my mind. thinking of all our past. the time we spent together, the time i sneak out just to meet him, the many times of calling him and him not returning any of the missed call, me fitting into his tight schedule, the lies and also me sneaking into his camp....i realised i still have some un-describe feelings for him.
the many many chocs he bought to surprise me, the time we stole kiss and hug at his house, the perfume he bought for me...
and i realise this is the only photo left in my laptop.
i believe i have his other photos is other entries.
he used to read my blog.....i gave him my url, inform him on the changes of url...until one fine day...when i thought he did read...but he didnt. i made up my mind to change the url because it wasnt safe as caleb found the other blog's url.
am i trying to bring the past back. hahaha. no im not. he just SUDDENLY pop in. and i know what im doing.
such mistake will never happen. i wun let history repeat itself.
although he's no longer reading this blog, but i still have to thank him for all the time spent on pampering me, thanks him for all the surprises, his funny ways of coaxing me, and every everything.
my love for you was true, but no matter how true things were, we werent end up being a lifetime partner. you were 11 years older than me, you were planning to get married with her...i dunno if both of u are still together, but i wish you all the best in everything you do.
8:14 PM
lazy.
packing my room just now. and my mum was mocking at me because i took a long time cleaning it up.
after cleaning up
the foundation.
my love
nail polish
the in-use and no-in-use mascara, eyeshadow and eyeliner
the un-used curler. hahaha.
this is for ching hui. hahaha.
7 black, 2 white, i beige, 4 pink, 1 purple, 1 grey, 1 green
it's so messy tt i dun even wonder tidy-ing it.
i dunno what i should update. because life's been dull for me.
spending my time on food and sleep is not the way to past time.
1:47 PM
Monday, August 27, 2007
met up with ching and went to parkmall. wanted to collect my cheque which has been dragged for 3 months...and that f*cking lady says they haven collect the cheque. somemore it's 13 ppl chasing the cheque. IRRESPONSIBLE!
after that went to wingtai with ching cause she wanted to sign appointment letter. and the funny thing is, the person who spoke to her asked her if im interested in working. hahaha. too bad i just wan to slack my holiday at home and learn some cooking. if not i wouldnt mind having some income. haha.
shop ard far east. bought a dress and...i dunno what i should call it. lian yi ku? hahaha.
ard 5plus ching met up with xin hui den we shop ard wisma and den i headed home for dinner.
oh...i hate my pimples. it's growing like there's no tml. hell hell hell. i think i should change the habit of covering my face with my blanket every night. but without covering, i cant fall asleep. boo!
im fine.
其实很爱你
离开不会太悲伤
有些心情该释放
直到眼泪它自己落下
才发现骗不了自己
其实很爱你
现在学着去遗忘
躲开有你的地方
回忆被谁放在书架上
把他从最高的地方落下
感动越是深刻
寂寞就越伤人喔
每个人的心里都
会有一段伤痕
像白纸的天真
仿佛被你伤得好深
相爱不需要理由
离开也没有理由挽留
其实还爱你
我讨厌阴天的风
冷得那么刺痛
只有你能够抚平所有的寂寞
昨天的风筝在角落
被谁丢到了路口
我很不想让你找到离开的理由
每一夜闭上眼睛
我看到了恶梦
你微笑但是旁边的人不是我
天空切开一道裂缝
直接割到我心中
不想装作脆弱
也不想爱得懦弱
其实我非常爱你不想失去你
难道我没有权利说我不愿意
你给了他的吻
虽然只有余温
可知道我多渴望抓住你的心
我知道他很爱你你怕他伤心
我每天假装开心害怕你离去
可不可以任性
求求你不要去
藏在我心里最后一句
其实还爱你
可不可以任性
求求你不要去
藏在我心里最后一句
其实还爱你
11:29 PM
Sunday, August 26, 2007
hell to opendiary.
when i really need to rant, opendiary is down.
freako!
11:33 PM
im confused.
im unhappy.
is this the last option.
if this is ur option den okay.
i dun want to reply to peter's msg, but because of u, i choose to keep one more friend den one more foe.
dui bu qi.
to those who r reading this blog, the new number is no longer available.
it was the pain that haunts me, it was the love tt u once showered, it was the many efforts of looking you up....but it was you who hurt me over and over again. it was ur irresponsibility that makes me feel tt life is nth. it was u who make me realise how insignificant i am.
one day...just one day when ur wish for me to die comes true.
9:16 PM
Friday, August 24, 2007
i went to the court, i went to vivo city, i went to sentosa, i went back to vivo city for 2.30 Secret.
i love the movie. really. if u were to ask me to watch again, i will. so touching. how i wish i've someone to cycle me home after school. hahaha. wait long long.
borrowed 3 vcds from videoezy. 3 for $10, 7 days. membership $5 -compulsory. what the hell la. 49 days, happy birthday and long time dead.
haven start watching. maybe later.
i need shopping but im too lazy to walk.
okay bye.
8:58 AM
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
sick! damn. luckily yesterday was the last day of paper. the girls in my class, well only 4 i should say, went out for dinner. i didnt join them because firstly, i lost my voice, i have sore throat, i cough. secondly, it's my own personal reason. which i dun think it has anything to do with a third party. just tt freaking second party. haa.
went to visit my granny today and also tt new baby girl. i was in the bus and den i felt so cold! and den i realise i was down with a fever. granny made some sore throat medicine for me. on the way home, i slept in the bus.
anyway we are over. because i choose to so stupidly give him another 2 weeks to try out, what i got back was merely more disappointment. and so well, i chose to give up. ppl have asked if im able to change my whole lifestyle totally w/o him, and i've ans tt i may look for part-time job. but now, i've totally change my thoughts. part-time job will nv be under my list. i know how boring this 1 month of holiday is going to give me, but i guess i'll be busy visiting my aunt, visiting my granny.
可能如果这一切都没有发生，我的生活会比较好，不过既然发生了，就要坚强的去面对。
朋友也只是需要你的时候才找你，我也习惯了。
这一切的东西，我都看清了。谁才是我真正的朋友，我也知道。老天也总算让我看清一切。
每次打给你们的时候，都必须考虑，三思。
老实说我也不需要一个带着面具跟我说话的朋友，假装对我好，假装问候我。
太假了。
11:02 PM
Saturday, August 18, 2007
i was quite unhappy. and that's the reason why i blog here.
went to kk women to visit my uncle's wife in the morning. like we left house ard 10, all the while i didnt study much. haven really started on my macc revision. my aunt drove us there because my father was tired from working and i dun wan him to drive until sleep.
reached kk, den saw my uncle and his baby. guess what he say to my father, 'this uncle very stingy one, dun 'ren(4)' him, we go 'ren(4)' the one in malaysia one.' at this moment, i wanted to scold him back, wanted to talk back to him, but then i stop myself and laugh it off.
my father didnt bother abt it, and let it fly off. my dad is the eldest in the family, you are the youngest, how can u talk to my father and somemore to your daughter in this way? who was the one who paid for all the celebrations of the family, who was the one who brought the whole family to thai village, who was the one footing the bill? it was nv you, it was either my dad, or my elder aunt.
we've always respected u, calling you uncle, caring for ur wife etc. it was nv recognised. my mum was angry and so am i.
if his daughter is not going to acknowledge my dad as her uncle, WHY SHOULD I? i dun think there's a need to do so. who was the one being stingy. why cant u urself think before u speak. it was the opposite. c'mon.
not because my dad was the eldest, u can bully him lidat. not because he was the eldest, he have to foot all the bill. my father have never complain about the expenses spent on treating them. be it hundreds be it thousand. he didnt complain he didnt ask u to return him.
why is it that ur wife can appreciate that we bring granny and grandad out for breakfast but u cant?
did my granny owe you a lot? why do u have to scold her, scream at her and restrain her from using the house phone just because ur wife need to look for you and cant get through?
god have eyes.
damn!
11:30 PM
Friday, August 17, 2007
im taking a break. because i think i've gona a lil insane.
one more paper to go. =) and i keep telling myself to "jiayou"
i need a haircut, i need to lose weight. hehe.
and the arrival of my new cousin...yeah! so happy.
i dun think there's a need to hide my blog's url. because the more u wanna hide, the more ppl will found out. so there's no need to hide. hahaha.
and because i dun like ppl to find my blog, so i also wun go and find ppl's blog if i know the person dun wan ppl to find out. so stop accusing ppl. damn it. luckily one of my friend found out and tell me, DEN I KNOW.
i feel so tired. yawn!
night all.
10:37 PM
Monday, August 13, 2007
darn! my exams is just a few hours away. 6pm paper. what the **** i'll miss my show
he's going to ubi tp tml with his friend. quite worried for him. hope everything is okay.
bro lost his wallet on saturday. my parents are damn worried because his army ic is inside his wallet. he lost 2 debit cards and 1 cashcard and 1 driving license and...
wish him luck tt his sir wun be so harsh.
he bought donuts from donut factory again on national day.
and im scared of exams right now. because....im just scared.
nights.
12:59 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
not feeling well
headache and a swollen eyes.
nights.
1:29 AM
Sunday, August 05, 2007
it was a sad sad day for me.
i dun want to repeat what exactly happen. i can only say i've given up in this relationship.
i cried and cried. until my eyes was swollen. i still have to spologise. apologise because this r/s dun work.
im having audit pp tml. how?
11:10 PM
Saturday, August 04, 2007
mummy is complaining abt my eye bags and my dark circles getting worse.
(one missing because it's in another pp bag, not tt im greedy. hahaha)
anyway bro bought donut factory for me upon my request. weets~ he queued for 1 hrs plus after running at east coast park with his friend. hahaha.
i got nth much to say.
i need loads of rest.
if only time allows.
10:42 PM
Friday, August 03, 2007
the thought of moving house has made everyone in my family go crazy.
dad- jurong extension but quite worried abt me going home late because it's quiet in that area.
mum- wanted tamah jurong flat
bro- dun wan to move. no other hdb is bigger than ours. not even the 5-room that daddy wants.
me- i want bukit batok because someone living near there. hiak hiak. *hint* it's a lecturer.
argh! so sucks right. imagine the 5-room flats now. and considering my sofa is so big. how to put everything in the living room?
mummy loves cooking. but the kitchen is so small!
i have so many things in my room, how to place them in the new flats?
dun move la. there's no place better than the current place we are staying now. hahaha.
alright, today is the last day of sch. exams are coming. please please give me all the lucks. i hate exams because no matter how i study, i'll score badly. sob.
okay bye.
9:52 PM
Thursday, August 02, 2007
none-the-less i still have my open diary for me to rant and gossip and back-stab ppl. hahaha.
i cant be bothered, cant be bothered.
i lead life the way i want it to.
6:17 PM
i think i'll go crazy. go crazy worry-ing for him. go crazy doing proj.
it just hit me. when im in the midst of preparing the notes, i thought of him in the police station. like why why why. because there's so much procedures and i cant be there for him...both of us was worried and scared. i dunno why.
or maybe because he's part of my life. i want to be there for him for any secs, mins. yet i dunno why there's sth which i cant overcome. TRUST. is it because i've been cheated in my previous r/s or is it because i've been fling-ing with guys when im attached tt i feel this fear, the fear tt the same thing will happen to me? retribution?
i know it's wrong to hook up with his best friend, i know it's wrong to fling, but sometimes feelings cant be controlled. and i've learnt my mistake and i've already tried changing. i dun wan the same thing to happen to me because i dun want to share a boyfriend with others. call me selfish or what, but i dun like the feeling of sharing a boyfriend with others.
i just hope to go back to the past.
bad headache.
i feel like hugging him now.
12:30 AM
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
seems like some ppl have found my blog. dun need to ask one, see the hits also know. again...no privacy.
well, whatever it is, i dun give a damn anymore. if im unhappy, i'll just shoot la, because it's my blog and i dun give a damn to those who read.
all thanks to my IAP lecturer. (better not mention his name else he'll find it)
his IO called him. will be going to the police station on 13/8 (my first pp) and then 23/8 to court. omg. i really hope nth happens. just hope money can settle everything. i pray and i pray.
peter sms me AGAIN. i dun want to reply and i wun reply. because of him, i cant go pioneer mall afraid tt i might bump into him.
alright. back to IAP.
9:22 PM
