Thursday, May 31, 2007

i was supposed to join daddy n her for breakfast today but i rejected them. i cancelled everything just to meet up with him.

we were supposed to go out for breakfast, and he's supposed to pick me up in the morning, but since i was the first to got up and get myself ready, so i went over instead. because i was waken by my dad early in the morning, i was kinda tired so i slept together with him, and so we forgo out breakfast and his mummy have to take-away for us. i was very very hungry by the time i woke up which is ard 11.15. and he was still slping away so no choice, lie down and pretending to slp again.

breakfast become brunch. and den after breakfast we went back to slp again. he said to wake up at 12.30 for shopping. and so he woke up at 12.45 instead so i was thinking since he likes to slp so much, den must well stay home and slp. and so we quarrelled because of this. drag till ard 2 plus den we went out. but it wasnt a happy start.

scolded me for sth which is not my fault, and den accusing me and den comparing to other couple's relationship. which girl can endure when their guy compare r/s with others. i tried to hide my un-happiness. and den he said sth which was very very hurting. i didnt talk much. i didnt talk back. i was quiet thru'out the whole quarrel.

on the way to boon lay, i dunno why either, he switched on 'chi xin jue dui' until damn loud. it's like he's hinting that whatever he's done, i dunno at all. it should be me trying to hint him and not him. yet and again i dunno why im treating him so nicely when he can treat me like shit. and then i realise i could no longer hold my tears anymore. it was like sth controlling my heart n tears. for tt particular moment i thought of leaving and hoping he'll find someone better. it's still a 2 yr r/s. it's not sth which you can let go so easily. u get it?

there's still many many shadows in my mind and the un-mended heart that may just get frozen anytime from now.

sometimes i just hope im no longer ard.

11:25 PM

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

i guess i've never felt so down in my whole entire life.

in the morning, she was complaining to daddy abt me AGAIN. and she commented on our surname. dad was kinda angry with her and scolded her. well, it's her fault. since she likes to scold ppl and bringing in the whole family including my aunt etc, den why not say it in front of grandad.

i dun think it's my fault. i dun think tt me do-ing that was anything wrong. because i've enough of the naggings and den enough of noise created by children and enough of u hurrying me that i get so fed-up. rmb, the laus temper aint good. tt includes my WHOLE LAU family, and so if u are unhappy, go back to ur family. i wont address u anymore, i wun talk to you anymore and that's the time when u live ur life, and i live my life under one roof.

and i've sth to declare. if any of my parents were to cane me, i wun hesitate to report to the police as child abuse and i wun hesistate to leave this house. i've already planned everything nicely. it's either my bf place or my aunt's place. none will be my granny because they will scold me, my uncle will make sure i go back home and it's not a safe hiding place. haha.

quarrelled with my boyfriend. because he lied to me. and then i got so angry with him tt i dun wan to talk to him, i dun put on seatbelts when i was in the car and i ignored him all the way. and while he was bathing, i called ching, chatted and complain to her and then his mama came into the room. and she saw me crying. it's like so long ever since i cried. with so many things happening. and now my eyes are swollen. it's so ugly.

hmmm...well, anyway since it happens like this, im not gonna put in 100% of my feelings into this r/s anymore.

okay anyway i was selected to be the model or rather flyer distribution model for this anti-smoking campaign in orchard @ 12pm on saturday. and imagine going down to SGH there for briefing at 8.30am IN THE MORNING....there goes my slp....

anyway im off to do my proj. bye.

11:12 PM

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

i just feel like being alone.

please please for heaven sake leave me alone.

i cant stand my mum always siding with a bro who's not my dad's surname, always scolding us because of him, and always siding with him no matter what happen. and afterall -i hate my mum-

I model called me just now. i've an assignment on saturday abt some smoking compaign. and i think im gonna give it a miss. quarrelled with my bf because of this, and i said im in my low-est point of mood, so dun come and provoke me, not even my friends well, except for ching. haha.

6:56 PM

seriously you don't have to make such a comment. it's my own picture. dun have to copy the url and ask me what im trying to show. it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! for heaven sake! you can chose not to go to my friendster and worse is, i dun even know u and u claims that u saw me in sch.

i hate to reply ppl in a very harsh manner with the use of vulgarities but u were the one who makes me says that.

and so from now on, my friendster will be set to 2 degree friends and i'll start clearing my msn contact.

was very moody today. due to period, due to IAP proj RUSH!, due to insufficient of slp, due to 'I CANT WATCH WEI SIAO PASTA cause of PROJECT' and due to a sickening fella chatting over msn with me with so many dirty things in his f*cking mind.

all i want is to slp as much as i want...YAWN!

6:02 PM

Monday, May 28, 2007

OMG!!! i tell you i've never feel so f-ugly in my whole life. trust me. pimples growing like there's no tml, and i feel like throwing my face away. having to hide my the other face with my fringe, and with my face looking DOWN.

the pimples is ITCHY. i dunno what's the cause of it. make-up? weather? heaty?

i cant be so sure that it wasn't my make-up causing it and so im gonna change the brand. it's better to take precaution

9:27 AM

Sunday, May 27, 2007

i jus cant get my butt down to study. flew out of the house ard 3pm and got home ard 9 plus.

went to buy some snacks and then went to his place. darn! left my afa notes at his place last night so i couldnt study much, and guess what i did. haha. i watch wei siao pasta @ youtube for the whole night.

studied abit at dear's place and this thought came to me... 'study so much for what, my results are only so-so.' and so that inspire me to watch dvds with him and tadaa~ Zzzzzz! heex.

sometimes i realy misses the way we cuddle each other, the time when everything is so rush for us and many many more. it's my fault tt the r/s didnt work out, but partly is due to your fault too. i don't wanna say so much but just to tell you im sorry for this ending. i know u'll hate me for life, let it be.

i think i should stop playing ard and stay FOCUS.

i felt sorry for dear. i think i've let everyone around me down. i promise i vow, i wun repeat the same mistake.

i'll plan for our future again...

PMS-pre mentrual syndrome, please do not irritate me.

11:41 PM

Would you be there?

If i were blue, would you be there for me?
And whisper in my ears that's okay.
Would u stand by me?
Let me hold u tight, and say u love me one more time.

If i feel good, would u slow dance with me,
and touch my lips with tender loving care,
would you die for me, would you run with me, and never look back.

would you be there to love, to be with me?
would you swear that your love is always true?
would you say that you'll always be the one,
to take my breath away?

If i will wait, would you still think of me?
And wished that you could hold me now?
would you die for me? would you run with me?
all the way...

would you be there to save my soul tonight?
would you swear that your love is always true?
would you say that you'll always be there?
to kiss my pain away?

would you be there....
for me?

10:47 PM

Saturday, May 26, 2007

actually i dun have much mood abt blogging in blogger. still, i prefer opendiary. seems like there isnt any privacy in this blogger anymore. heard from one of my friend tt his/her friend found my blog.

if i feel like giving away the url, i will, if not, don't bother abt visiting. i need more privacy than readers.

i know i should be studying for AFA esp the FRS, but i dun even have the mood to study FRS. what the hell, why must have theory? in real life, ppl gets to refer to FRS but we have to study and memorise. and trust me, nth will get into my head at the end of the day. haa.

mum's sick and so i've been the one watching tv alone, keeping clothes for her, looking after my brother and keeping my stomach full. haha.

went out with my parents for breakfast and after tt proceeded to IMM.

nowadays our conversation lasted for less than 1 min for every phone calls. i dunno why i jus dun wanna talk much to him and i gets very very irritated easily. may be pms or what. and hell, this month is coming to an end which means my period is coming which means i didnt visit my 'old mr gynae' which means next month by hook or by crook i must must must visit tt old man!

hell hell hell.

it's GSS and yet i have to spend over 70+ for a stupid check up to spoil my plans for GSS...there' hell loads of thing i wanna buy.

make-ups
shirt
skirts
shorts
bags
jewelry
perfume
and the lists goes on...

i tink i should cut down on eat-ing, munch-ing, snack-ing. so that i can go shop-ping!

choco fondue, choco fondue...my last desire...

1:33 PM

Thursday, May 24, 2007

sometimes i wonder. wonder whether there's really true love. still trust is the key to every relationship. im unable, or maybe i refuse to trust him.

it's all my fault. tt i refuses to believe but there's nth i can do. my own character, thinking etc.

off for tv. bye.

9:52 PM

shall do just a teeny weeny bit of updates before i start on any projs. haha.

so weird so weird. i have a weird teacher. shall name her AO. haha. firstly she says must share a bottle of water, so we willingly share. den another teacher came, and so i tell the teacher, cannot take, not enough liao still take. then AO says can can take lo. walau.

then AO says we can only tk the refreshment after the students have taken. den i ask why and she says because we are the host. ok lo. and then lecturers were eating like no one's business. and i told AO, why she can eat, we cannot? she says because u are not a lecturer. wtf. she's a lecturer, she should set a good example, and worse is who's the real host for this activity??? we are not. we are just the helpers. weird thinking. duh~

getting bored with projs

she loves my hair but dun dare admit.

this

to this - when projs makes us slp

presenting our leader/lye goh

6:23 PM

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

so pain!!! i think it's the pimples and scar. omg.

have to reach sch by 8.30 tml.

it's funny, so funny. but anyway thanks. and im so sorry that u have to be the one apologising instead. different titles or should i say there's a very very big diff in our title. i wun say so much least it gets obvious.

i've been eating like there's no tml. how to lose weight???

and still with every nights' dream. why why why. i just want a slp without dreams, so difficult?

nite.

10:16 PM

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

met my ITP colleague for lunch and hell! i miss them so much. dinner dinner...im waiting for ms corrine to arrange everything...SAKURA!! still forever gossiping abt colleagues colleagues and colleagues and it's either the mother duck or tt GOD. only C Y Ng peeps understand what im talking abt. wahaa! we never feel distance even though it has been 1 month plus ever since we last chatted.

well, somehow there's this disease going on. i shall not mention else it'll be so damn freaking OBVIOUS im talking abt them. is there a need when u've never been close to someone and then suddenly u keeps imitating how ppl say they 'this n that'. i think u r so fake. fake to tt extend tt i dunno whether is it a mistake to take u as my friend. you've never been like this or rather to such an extend. well, who cares abt you.

and again i'll say, dun ask me who im referring to. and to szeling who always think tt im talking abt her, it's NO NO. haha. this silly girl will usually come and ask me in msn on whether im talking abt her after some time of posting. so to assure u, im not talkign abt u. haha.

i'll say if i feel like, but to selected fews.

im down with PROJECTS!!!

8:15 PM

Monday, May 21, 2007

went to kelly's place to do proj. argh!! and then UK Funfair. i tell you im not gonna ride on it anymore! im dead scared...at first everything was SHIOK. but then when i started looking down, my heart almost pop out. whole heart sank. dead scared. i scream and i scream...until i got no voice. i shut my eyes so i wun see the distant away but it doesnt help. and after frequent 'dropping' down from the sky, i hope the game will end asap. praying for it to end, feel like backing out. omg.

till now my hand still shivers. heart still pumping kinda fast. i think i'll scream in my slp.wahaha. no la, kidding.

mummy was like saying,'why take the ride when u know u'll be scared'. no no, it's not lidat. im not scared if im still some 15, 16 year old kid. or maybe i think too much in the ride. i was thinking is it safe, what if the whole handle came off, will it be secure, is this how i'll feel if i want to commit suicide. haha. and so luckily the first ride didnt start off with the 360 degree turn. wahaha. and mummy warned me abt risking my life when i told her abt it. heex.

after taking challengers who took the roller coaster. another shiok one with us turning here and there. but the ride ended FAST. haiz. if it's longer, it'll be GREAT.

i have nv took a 360 degree turn ride. maybe i should try it one day. one fine day when my gut is BACK. haha.

ok, i shall end here.

10:05 PM

Sunday, May 20, 2007

GREAT!!!...i went out without make-ups today...haha. i dunno why out of a sudden i dun feel like applying anything to my face...and that's when my fingers got itchy and started scratching n playing with my pimples. with make-up i'll feel disgusted when i play with pimples because the foundation and etc...stuck in my nails. and now...there's a fingernail marks on my left cheek...

i've been falling deep into slp whilst watching tv. esp during commercial breaks. for instance last night, when i was watching guessx3, i told myself to wake up after the commercial break but i fall deep into slp. lying on my sofa and with my blankets on. wth! and i dunno who woke me up and the next moment when i woke up, im on my bed. my bro was the last to get home, but i dun rmb myself getting up and onto my bed. haa.

having weird dreams isn't sth good. i dreamt of my own bf with other girls...keeps appearing in my dreams even when im awaken by it and when i gets back to slp...the dream just cant -leave me alone-...until i got so fed up that i woke up at 8.30am!!! it's sunday you know. WASTED.

anyway went to meet dear since he's not working. bought breakfast over his place for him n his bro. then watch some dvds and i got so tired tt i feel aslp. went for a haircut-> definately NOT ME. then walk ard, buy lots of snacks. had some quarrels at his place la but after tt ok le.

i think everything cannot be done as plan! i spent the whole day doing nth at his place except SLEEPING.

okay off for tv.

10:54 PM

Saturday, May 19, 2007

what should i start first? elearning? tutorials? studying for AFA? audit proj? IAP proj??

there's so many things in my to-do list. i terribly needs some planning orelse there will be things left undone after e-learning week.

AFA need to study before hand so that if there's anything i need to approach ms jas ang, im able to do so on thurs. hopefully!

elearnings can be done during midnight so that server won't jam.

still IAP is the one giving us a headache. audit still not yet started. argh!!!!....so many things so lil time...

monday working on IAP proj and den UK funfair!!!wednesday meeting ITP colleagues for lunch, thursday coming back to sch for accounting race...the rest of the days will be occupied for projs projs and projs...

i think i'll just die off!!!

1:01 PM

Friday, May 18, 2007

hmmm....what should i blog about....sch? work? or relationship???

muahaha...actually i dunno what to say/write. skipped company law. so many didnt attend. it's like only 8 person attending from a class of 21 students. haha...1/3? roughly ba.

i feel so tired. AFA...it's not easy to absorb. i've been trying and trying to focus and absorb...until i feel so hungry...luckily jasmine ang is able to explain to us slowly till we understand orelse...the whole class will be building sandcastle...

i've so many things in mind that i want to buy...make-ups, flats, skirt...and the list goes on...

and my brother gave me 50 bucks today...weets~ he said for me to spend...i feel so loved!!!...hee...

since fiona faces prob with uploading photo...waste of time...i shall not post any pic. may put it up in friendster instead.

off to do IAP...again n again n again...never-ending...

10:27 PM

Thursday, May 17, 2007

have a new thumb drive and new sharp el-509w calculator...thanks to my brother....weets~ i think im gonna call daddy to give my bro the calculator money. haha.

went k-box-ing with my girlfriends...if ching hui were there, it'll be more fun. haha. everyone was HIGH!!!...haha...crazy bunch of girls. still got xiao zhabor 1, xiao zhabor 2, xiao zabor 3...muahaha...love them to bits!

tml not attending company law since so many of them doesnt wan to go. my bunch of girls are not going, so im also not going.

editing IAP!!! it's been so tiring...i hope we can just get it done once and for all but....year long module. *faint*

i feel so tired now but i still have to make myself stay up to do the editing n re-phrasing....but gh, dun blame me if i cant get it done by today because...im so tired after getting so HIGH...

headed straight home after singing and didnt join the girls for sakae. bought ben & jerry's ice-cream on the way home...paid by my bro too...because i told him i want to buy and i ask him to treat me...hee! this is sth good when u have a brother who dotes on you.

excuses i've come out with to lie to him
-doing proj must be handed in on fri
-in the toilet
-bag isnt with me, so didnt realise u called
-traffic jam
-bus broke down

haha...it's okay right? anyway it's not like im flirting outside. haha.

and one last thing...i was MOLESTED by shi lian...and in front of my girlfriends!!!...hahaha...how am i going to face everyone...sobs

haha...okay night all.

11:06 PM

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

they says bad luck comes in a grp of 3....how true....

today when i boarded bus 99, an old indian lady stepped on my shoes...and...there goes my fav slipper...thanks to her...the whole strip jus BROKE...though she did apologise, what's the use. i need to go other places but...BECAUSE OF HER I CANT...

i went straight home. and daddy n mummy hear me rant. correct me too!!! duh...and they says forget it, since tt lady have already apologise...but c'mon, the bus wun run away wad's the hurry of being so kiasu and cant wait to get on the bus...i was damn freaking pissed and i called up ching. rant to her...

called my bf...den guess what he says. the most i'll drive u to my area. im more concern on how im going to walk home instead of going over. and i dunno why i feel like crying, i feel like venting. my leg hurts so much.

went back home to change for slipper and den out i go! quarrelled with my bf AGAIN...i hung his call and refuse to pick up no matter how he call...i know this is bad but im really in a BAD MOOD and sometimes i wish he'll stand by me which he didnt.

second unlucky thing is...i misplace my calculator. i lost it. it's already 3rd year, what's the point of getting a new one when IT'S YEAR 3 ALREADY...why why why...

when will bad luck goes away????

been wanting to do AFA...but I GOT NO MOOD!!! ms jasmine said cannot dun do, orelse will FAIL...haiz...what the hell...i really DUN UNDERSTAND...should ask jasmine for some private lesson!!! muahaha....kidding kidding...SZE SZE PLEASE HELP ME!!

im still looking for a timeslot for my gynae...truth hurts but i've drag it for so long...anyway thanks simon for reminding me that i need to visit the gynae. =)

alright...die die must go back to AFA....

10:11 PM

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

there was this unhappiness...i dunno how i should categorise it under. somehow, sometimes i do regret. regret many many things. god! i wish i was dead.

i dunno what's wrong with our relationship. sometimes i really wonder where i stands in his heart.

it's not like i dun like him interacting with his family, it's more on who's more impt. i know to him, parents are more impt. im perfectly okay with it, but....why do you always sides with them and rather chose them over me.

i love my mummy n daddy too, but i dun usually side with them when i know it's time i should be with my boyfriend. i know how to divide the time among them, why cant you? i've been so tired...tired tt im always the one picking you up at work, tired tt i have to be the one looking for you, going over to ur place...tired tt i've to forgo my friends because of you...i really feel like breaking down.

i wanted to call kor...yet...i dunno why i've to think twice because i dun wan any misunderstanding...

i dunno why he just suddenly called and said, 'on vesak day im going to go fishing with my dad. so no time for you'...

fine...it's okay tt you dun have time for me.

i asked him if i can join my friends for sakae on thurs, he said NO. fine. and then he told me he gt company's dinner on saturday. den definately i'll say NO. and then the quarrels came....

'hey it's not fair that you gets to go out with your friends and i dont'

'no, it's because no matter what i know what time i should pick you up, what time i should meet you, what time i should stop shopping...'

'it's unfair still'

'no because saturday night you are usually with me and the time slot belongs to ME'

'den both dun go lo'

'no, you go for your dinner since you want to be with them SOOO much...and i'll be with my frens...'

'forget it. both dun go'

alright. this was it. i've enough. sometimes i wonder...why????

it's been so long ever since i visit my gynae. i should be visiting but i cant find the time.

GUYS ARE HORRIBLE CREATURES.

10:30 PM

Monday, May 14, 2007

i hate ppl for a certain. i bad mouth ppl also for a certain reason. although u dun like me badmouthing, i still have to do it.

i hate my class of IAP. some bitches they are. no worries, im not talking abt sinhui, so ching u can relax. haha.

we are jus so free...what can u do BITCHes? this is my diary and my say. dun come telling me i shouldnt be so vulgar i shouldnt bad mouth ppl. im jus unhappy so LET ME RANT...

i just simply HATE him....to the Corrrreeeee!!!!!!

9:41 AM

i tell you....i hate blogger so much now. i cant BLOG at all at home. when are they going to repair the system!!!!!!!!!!

okay...i tell you i hate him SO BLOODY MUCH too...he's the one who say if you got any prob can look for me in msn regarding IAP....and now he says we terrorise him on Saturday...fine lo...it's okay we can look for tommy....it's not like you are the only one teaching this subject.

have been ranting in opendiary for the past few days....because of this BLOG!!!

alright....time for lesson...bye.

9:13 AM

Saturday, May 12, 2007

what the hell. haha. wad's wrong with my house internet. i cant blog at home yet i can blog in sch. boo hoo.

boring boring...have to do IAP now. okay...shall join my friend now. haha.

bye~

since im unable to update, den i shall have to EDIT my entries. haa.

alright...actually im at a loss of words. i dunno what i should write here. haha.

blogger has been down since...i dunno when. im unable to update at home and only in sch or rather in the morning n afternoon then i got to blog. hate blogger sooooo much....i think i wanna change blog soon....

12:20 PM

Thursday, May 10, 2007

woo~ finally can blog le. wanted to update last night but i couldnt do so.

been busy with project projects and more projects. year3..tt's a torturing year.

curious why i got time to blog at this moment. muahaha...because ching n kelly haven come yet. haha.

mummy thought tt by complaining to daddy, he will scold me. haha. she's so freaking WRONG. was laughing my ass off la. because my mum is someone who's so weird. alright! she can scold ppl, give her comments, yet ppl cant do so to her. and the only one in my family who can do so is MY BROTHER. haha. even my dad knows.

it's entirely her fault, so i think im not gonna care, not gonna bother her.

recently there was this hidden hatred going on. i think i did told some of them la, but those who dunno, dun bother to ask because i wun say.

but one thing to let the person know...you are not tt great, not that perfect, who are you to talk back at me? you think you're so freaking good, deliciously sweet but c'mon, u ain't. yet i have to tell you, 'YOU SUCKS!'

alright. back to proj.

10:01 AM

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

okay, blogger is working already. update at night.

1:01 PM

Monday, May 07, 2007

very very tired....

i couldnt sleep last night. like wth!!!....

am i just feeling normal or what?

waas deleting away msg-es sent by him. everything started so sweet in the beginning...i dunno why it all ended like this. but maybe it's time to end. i really dunno. what's the lil thing holding on and making us stay previously?

was the time wasted, effort wasted? nah i dun think so la...

my heart will stop beating for you at this moment. im sorry.

10:38 AM

Sunday, May 06, 2007

sometimes, i wake up and am amazed at how deeply i've fallen for someone that regardless of the situation, i'll always have his back and have excuses for him. it's not neccessarily a good thing but it's the stability that i treasure the most. we're probably the most eccentric and complicated couple that most people know, theres constant drama, we yell at each other all the time and we spend so much time bickering and complaining about one another. but, at the end of the day, we still stick together because its in each other that we find comfort and solace. maybe its the insecurity of being left alone, of breaking a bridge that has been build over the years months or days, no matter how flimsy it seems, a bridge is still a bridge. so im taking this time to glorify my a-okay life and relationship. to recognise that once again, despite all the bullshit that had happened, i have the person i love in my life, things are generally going as planned and therefore, im okay.

12:10 PM

i always thought u are one who will stay faithful. yet it never come across my mind that such thing will happen. somehow im trying very hard to pull myself up.

so many points pointing to it. i really dunno what to do. without evidence without assurance. whenever i asked you, you'll say no. but i dun feel this at all. because in ur words there were many hidden lies. i've yet to unveil. i tried not to think, tried not to care, yet i cant i cant i cant.

i can cheat on others but others cannot cheat on me. tt's just me. dun ask me why. somehow i feel terrible, hurt...sad.

if you think you can get away, den be it.

i believe and i won't change anymore. it's because of everything you've done, every words you've said. im sorry. i cant be the perfect girl. i wun let you cheat on me.

i feel like crying.

12:52 AM

Saturday, May 05, 2007

okay jus let me do some updating to my blog and i'll really start on audit.

should i name it as a boring saturday? aw!!! i miss shopping, i miss my attachment colleague...i miss so many so many stuff. i slept till ard 11 am this morning with many many weird dreams and mummy poking into my room and telling me wad i should do when im awake.

the noodles mummy bought were dried up by the time i woke up, and den when daddy n her gt home they bought french fries back. i think i should stop eating but it's so tempting. with so much fats cumulating. so sinful!

anw had some chatting with andrew my colleague during attachment. and i realise i MISS them so much.

the song edmond introduce to me was far too emo. cry on my shoulder. haha, but i think if i were to cry i only got my pillows to hug, my furry doggy to kiss on, my piglet to complain to and my two cute lil boy/girl cushion to accompany me thru the lonely nights.

sometimes i find it so hard to understand guys. which c says it's easy and its the women who are so hard to understand. well, maybe, maybe not. i dun want ppl to take the same path as me. cheating n two-timing isnt anything fun. u'll repeat the same mistake over and over again. u'll never change. and this is something which im trying very hard to change. i tell myself i cant fall for 2 at the same time. and i hope im able to preserve it.

hurrays....mummy suggested tt daddy remove the double deck bed from my room. haha. ytd night was funny. i climb onto the double bed, and i cant get down. i was stuck there for abt 10mins. figuring out how i should get down, which leg to move first. haha. and den finally i came to a conclusion...to jump down instead. because the stairs wasnt built-in and so there's difficulty. and i blame my brother whenever i knock my head against his 'old bed' which was on top of me now. humph.

alright it's too lengthy. time to study.

1:06 PM

Friday, May 04, 2007

i really dunno how im going to hold on to this relationship. i've already tried my best, but...again it's of no use. when everything goes smoothly for one moment, the next will be a terrible one.

we were doing fine, everything was okay. and then when he started calling, things starts to go hay-wire. 2 missed call in 6680 and 1 missed call in k800. like c'mon my phone will be in silent mode and it's not even 10pm yet. not the usual time u'll call. u r a lil early. and you blames and shout at me over the phone. wad's the use? no point what.

i wouldnt say i regretted being in this r/s, but somehow i dunno why things don't go smoothly for us. maybe june lin was right. 3 stages for a guy. i don't know how my future will be like. it's already horrendous. i dun deny at times i feel like giving up yet i dunno wad's holding me back.

i think i'll end here.

10:10 PM

Thursday, May 03, 2007

stop being so freaking proud. i cant stand it. you think u're so perfect? dream on. no one is. get a life!

11:47 PM

am i thinking too much or what? sometimes i find it so difficult to trust you. i wanted to, but i really cant. have i been thinking alot?

yet in another case, facing the same scenario but different case difference case different case. i dunno what made me give up. i dun want to but i've no choice. wanting you badly turns into hating you. i dunno why. maybe fault lies with the two of us. both refuses to contact each other. actually i was tired. but nevermind, it's okay for one to make use of one. im used to it.

more and more hatred.

you know how much it hurts when i know the truth. i've been acting blindly, been pretending it's all okay but deep down you know how hurt i feel? you don't at all. why have i been acting as if i dun care when i really do?

time passes so fast. next monday will be audit test and zhang shao han's concert.

i wanted to cut my fringe but....boo....i think i dun want anymore. i rather leave it long then have it cut and pimples growing all over my forehead.

all right, that's all folks.

10:18 PM

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

queue for zhang shao han ticket. haha. had a hard time queue-ing. from 11.50am lidat queue until 1pm. den we got the ticket. can consider lucky lo. because those people behind couldnt get any. so consider ourselves lucky.

but there was something which i wanna voice out. something very very wrong with SPSU. there was this girl who couldn't speak in a correct manner and the way she says it seem so RUDE. i know it's kinda pek chek trying to make such a big crowd listen to you, but c'mon blame it on ur own system. no one takes the initiative to organise the whole queue-ing procedures and ppl can suddenly cut in so much.

anyway we've got the tickets, so let's jus forget abt this.

went to bugis after sch with von. bought a bag, and 4 tees. 2 for me and 2 for dear. slap me if you want, i just cant stop spending.

labour day was not a day for me to shop and go out...hmmm...next time i know le. i can only go out with girlfriends and nua at home with the boyfriend. if not there'll be endless of quarrels. both hates crowd and so...staying home is the best decision.

i was feeling terrible right now. flow last night was WEIRD. not my paranoid self but really weird. i saw the loss of so much blood...oh my!! i can never imagine.

somehow i think it's time i let them know, i can handle them financially but emotionally i cant. should i? i know everyone will say,'go and talk to ur parents'...how? i dun even know how i should start the conversation. everytime i see them, i'll imagine their expression when they heard of it, i'll imagine their reaction. i cant i cant i cant.

every single night...not once but every...i cried myself to sleep. i cant stop letting my imagination run wild and again...scenario on how the doc will be operating on my ovary to remove the cysts...i dun wan. i dun wan anyone to touch me i dun wan any weird instruments to get into my body.

i know i'll be fine after the operation but what abt my future? in a few years time, if the cysts grows again i'll have to remove it again. after operation i'll have to learn to get out of bed, to stand up to start walking once and again...the whole procedures is so tiring...

for i wish i was dead.

11:20 PM

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

pain pain pain. i hate menstruating. or maybe am i just too paranoid? too paranoid to the extent tt i realise tt after knowing abt the existence of cysts, i realise the pain is unbearable. flow was abnormal too la.

forget it.

quarrel alot. AGAIN.

im looking forward to the end of my period to visit my gynae. i mean i wanna know my condition.

sobs.

9:41 PM