Saturday, March 31, 2007
i'll be visiting the gynae most probably erm...2pm. wah, another 'scared' situation. because im afraid ppl might mistook tt im preg at such a young age when im not. im visiting the gynae for my infection, not pregnancy.
another huge cost spent over there. like wth. the pay i earn cant even cover it.
den MAYBE on tuesday, i might want to visit my dr ashraff. im still considering. i wish to consult him after attachment, so i wun have to request for an MC and also to see if he still rmb my condition. heex.
actually i gt his contact no, but i gt no guts to give him a call. because i think tt quite thick-skin if i were to sms him or call him. he'll probably build sandcastle and guessing who i really am and also how i gt his no.
wah.....very scared. boo hoo!
10:34 AM
Friday, March 30, 2007
ok, i shall continue with my doc ash. hee. hmm....argh!!! actually i really dunno what's wrong with me. i keep wanting to be with dr ash when he is so much older. really really old and...was tt considered love at first sight or wad?
i also realise i became kinda flirt. flirt in a way tt i fall in love with ppl easily. was it because my bf doesnt treat me as well or wad? confuse, confuse...very very confuse.
isnt it very stupid to look for a doc's profile??? he gt so many girls waiting and i definately stands no chance. why carry such hope? haha
even baby know my feelings for dr ash. and he's pushing me over because he cant wait to get rid of me. right??? haha.
anyway...andrew said he had a conversation with dr ash before at devil's bar. weets.
work was so sucky. and i really mean sucky. having to clear off old audit files. tearing away old files etc etc. paper cuts everywhere. boo hoo.
OT today till 7pm. went to meet dear after tt. reached his place at 8pm. bath le, had dinner.
i miss my dr ash. let me DREAM.
9:39 PM
i guess im just going crazy abt tt ashraff doc. haha. call me childish or wadever...i dun care. i've done research on him...and many many more. like wth...he's so much older than me and yet my love for him jus develop. weird isnt it?
and after such issue, i realise i preferred older man. as they are much more matured. alright, maybe to some, dr ash may not be handsome, but yet he seems perfect in my eyes. like...erm...well, how well do i know him exactly. this i cant ans. jus tt...it's more on the mentally side.
im going to ask him abt my skin issue, and well...i dunno la...jus tt...erm...he's actually a aesthatic...is it spelled like dat? haha. lol.
alright...tt's for now la. will update more abt ytd issue at night.
1:37 PM
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
im fine im fine im fine. im so happy. oh my god. haha. my fav Dr Ash was quite surprise when the medicine and tablets he gave me didnt help much. and he was still asking whether i took my medicine anot. haha. im jus so crazy and going ga-ga over him. now i'll be referred to a gynaecologist. meaning i wun be visiting dr ash anymore. but...wait...i still gotta consult him abt my skin prob, and allergy prob....and more and more....pls make me sick.
haha....
though there wun be any outcome because there's no way he'll like me and there's no way for me to get his no....jus let me DREAM. haha....fact is...i've been thinking of him after i left the clinic and before he reached the clinic i was so looking forward to speaking to him. omg...
dreaming....
a mixed blood...a doc...rich...clever...good-looking...old but yet im loving it...
and now...i know why i feel nausea after consuming the medicine the doc gave me...and i should actually call up and tell the clinic yet i still happily took all 10 pills and den look for info abt the medicine. haha.
i wun blame dr ash for not telling me. hee.
oops.......
9:31 PM
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
my medical report will be out tml. i'll be visiting DR ASHRAFF tml. im so happy yet scared. happy tt i get to see that doc, scared tt i have to face the truth.
will be taking time off tml. meaning i'll visit the doc at 9am tml, and den go straight to office. luckily the secretary is kind enough. she'll not deduct my pay. haha.
i feel so freaking SCARED.
hmmm....most of my frens were scaring me off. i know abt the modelling thing, i made a very stupid decision tt is to pay 480 for my portfolio. this cost cnt be covered if no clients chose me. i know im not pretty, dun have the figure, dun have the height. dun curse me lidat.
i feel so tired.
sick n tired of ppl ard me.
8:10 PM
Monday, March 26, 2007
it was only after this issue that i realise how 'true' their love was. it's okay, nvm. u turn ur back on me, i'll turn my back on u. i once told u, no matter how bad my health is, it's no longer ur business. firstly, i've seen ur true colours, secondly, u didnt show much concern.
how many times have u asked abt my condition? one time which is when i visited the doc. tt's all. i did tell u how painful it is, instead of consoling me, comforting me, u scolded me, u sounded annoyed. how many nights have i cried abt the pain? do u know?
one day when i have decided to leave u, dun ask me why. dun make me stay. happiness wun last forever. there's a vow in the registration of marriage tt one have to stay with one another, no matter how hard life is, no matter how ill one is, the other will go thru the pain with them. u cant even satisfy this, let alone marriage. by then ur feelings may have already fade.
the life im leading is no difference from being single. it's only tt i gets to go over on wed, fri and weekends. did u ever shower me with concern? when u were ill, i will go over, i nv gets fed up with u, i do everything for u, even the slightest thing, even the nearest thing, i'll get it for u. yet wad abt u? how did u actually treats me on sunday? when i was so uncomfortable? u even scolded me when i needed slp, u even throw ur temper on me for no reason right after i woke up. wad's the matter with u?
ur bro even ask me wad kind of medicine im taking. wad abt u? u always ask me to visit a doc when im ill. were u with me all the while? wad did i do when i heard tt u were ill and needed a doc? no matter wad, i'll rush down to acc u to the doc. and when im sick, i have to visit the doc alone.
i realise the past sacrifices have all gone down the drain.
if this is the life i have to lead in the near future, i wun hesitate to leave. this is not sth i want. not the life i'll lead.
are u able to dote on me the way daddy does? maybe yes, maybe no.
all i can say is, dun take me for granted.
it's time i isolate myself from the 2 guys. i need to learn to be independent. i knw they will nv be with me thru'out.
from this, i've learnt tt only ur own family members will stay by u, support u and help u when u r in trouble and when u needed them the most. i dun believe in love.
bye to both.
10:22 PM
i dun feel like doing anything except blogging blogging and more blogging.
i hate everyone ard.
im not going to bother, not going to care.
i miss sch, i miss all my close friends.
i hate working life.
i hate ppl who thinks they are so smart.
i hate ppl who acts like senior.
i hate hyprocrite like u.
i hate it when u think u r damn big.
i hate it when u cant even keep ur own promises.
i hate it when u starts to lie.
i hate it when u think u are -oh so big-
maybe in sizes, but u'll definately lose to me when it comes to temper.
i've since deleted u off my contact list.
so if by any chance u received an sms/ reply stating: 'whu r u ?' den this is a hint tt im dropping to tell u tt u r no longer my fren.
i've also deleted u off my friendster friend.
i tell u, dun mess with me.
there's a limit to my tolerance and u've exceeded. so blame urself.
3:11 PM
was indeed upset.
i dunno wad's wrong with my body. i dunno if it is because of the medicine. i feel like vomitting and i think there's sth wrong with my bladder too. i feel so uncomfortable.
i wanted to visit the doc, but then i dun wan other doc to examine me except for dr ashraff.
sometimes i really dunno. why is he still with me after so long. he dun care n dun even give a damn abt my condition. it made me feel alone with no one to turn to. not even my parents. if im able to talk to my parents openly, i would feel better. daddy will try all means to help but, i dun wan them to worry abt me. i rather suffer alone. i know right now, byofriends dun exist in my list anymore. not even baby.
how much do they understand me?
when im at my lowest point in life, were they with me? not even my boyfriend let alone terrence.
i realise i've been living in a world alone. when things crop up, i have to solve it alone and face it alone. no one have an ans to my question.
more updates at night. bye.
1:36 PM
Sunday, March 25, 2007
confused.
i was actually looking for info abt my condition. the more i read, the more im scared. i dun want to read, i dun wan to know anything. i dun wan to know the result. i dun wan everything.
the medicine makes me feel bloated. the tablets hurt me loads.
im willing to forgo everything for my own life.
10:58 PM
Saturday, March 24, 2007
sometimes i was thinking...actually god was fair. was fair to everyone. u got the looks, ur studies will sucks big time, and when u dun have the looks, ur studies will be good. well, tt may not apply to everyone in a case whereby u can do well in studies but u may not be good in r/s stuff. which also means a person can be pretty n clever at the same time.
i went for the modelling interview and i got thru. the company was actually I Model International Pte Ltd. went with kelly and den i agreed to the terms n conditions and have to pay 480 for the portfolio. well, whether im able to earn back tt 480 will be another case. haha. but so far tt lady wanted to push me for the motor show which i strongly disagree.
my bf totally disagree with me being a freelance model. but there's really no choice because i've paid a deposit of 200 bucks. and since this is a freelance thingy, i can reject if im uncomfortable and also if i have not agree to work for tt client.
argh!!!....wadever it is...i dun care anymore.
met up with collen. went to look for her shorts. after tt went to pick dear up.
quarrel a lil.
things gt better.
quarrel again.
gt better.
quarrel....
haiz....
all because of the modelling.
thanks for those who cared...i'll be fine.
11:14 PM
Friday, March 23, 2007
ok, i wun think so much. i'll try.
baby called me in the morning and he started screaming over the phone. gt a shock and was figuring out who he's talking to. haha.
i went back to the clinic jus now...was thinking of looking for the doc i consulted ytd, but he's not ard. i tink i feel comfortable with younger docs rather than those old docs. haha. dun ask me why.
i got no idea how the whole tablets works. i jus knew it's damn painful. had a good cry last night until i dun even know when i fall aslp. it's very very uncomfortable. woke up several times in the middle of the night. th medicine didnt dissolve and nth happens...the next day it's still dere.
which means i wasted the whole thing.
im not going to think abt it.
the new time-table sucks big time. having to go to sch on thurs for an hours lesson and also @ 12pm for a stupid auditingII.
tt's all.
9:27 PM
Thursday, March 22, 2007
was actually very sad n scared. spent 75 bucks to scare myself. im so scared i'll get cancer. im jus so so so scared. even the doc was asking me why after so long den i seek help. i myself dun even know. when he eventually tell me wad it is, my whole heart sank. hopefully the test will be negative. jus wish me luck tt there's no bacteria.
went to meet baby at lakeside. and while walking i dunno, i jus broke down. and den trying to pretend im fine.
when im alone, i'll start thinking again. hopefully im not the 200 women who will get this cancer. pls...
went to vivo with baby. it's been so hard to meet him...and together we went to watch the forest of death...tt's a lame show la. had lunch at sushi tei. so sorry baby, i really really couldnt finish tt rice.
walked ard vivo until 6 plus.
was very happy being with him. haha.
was very scared when im alone.
anw my colleague was actually thinking of joining me for lunch but when they heard tt im at vivo, they say too far. wahaha. i know they miss me la. muahaha.
alright, tt's all for now.
8:48 PM
im scared of visiting the doc.
it's nearing.
argh!
12:10 AM
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
im not reporting to work tml. self-proclaim mc. haha. no la, im visiting the doc in the morning.
was very pek chek when i was working just now. it's so weird to do the client's general ledger for them and den con't with doing their trial balance and afterwhich i have to audit for them.
firstly, the things i did from the very first day was audit audit and audit. and den follow by p/l, b/s and den tax computation. now ask me do back accounting....wan my life ar.
asked henry, who's an audit senior, he ain't of any help. so instead i asked andrew and den he told me to print my gl out and he help me check. haha. thanks a lot man!
had lunch with tt bunch of guys and yenting. chatted and laugh and this is how they actually de-stressed. really really, staying in the office is really very stress. my eyes were threatening to shut off, my brain juice was completely dried up and for tt moment, nth could get into my head. i need to analyse, force myself to pay attention and all.
however, lunch time always past so fast. i cant even enjoy my meal.
today, while i was buying lunch, i saw the cute guy working at bugis street. wanted to say hi to him, but im jus oh-so-shy. haha. nvm....change target liao. samuel. haha. bleah.
9:25 PM
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
i realised im super duper tired recently. every morning i dread waking up. partly because i dun feel like doing the client im assigned to right now. boo hoo...
im taking mc this thrus as im visiting a doc for check up and also may be meeting terrence.
i hate the feeling of constipation. arh!!....the feeling sucks big time and i think i might be consulting the doc abt it besides infection. haha.
appointment for modeling interview. actually i dun feel like going. but...the person thought im interested so she told me tt if i cant make it on saturday, den they'll arrange for me again. duh.
alright tt's all.
9:39 PM
Monday, March 19, 2007
thanks to eddie, my hairstylist.
taken on 180307, my uncle's perfect wedding =)
some pictures...
the top view
the back view
the front view
act cute ar!!!
9:25 PM
Saturday, March 17, 2007
was super duply unhappy. very very pek chek with him.
his father ask him to wake up at 3 am in the morning, he agreed without much thoughts. i asked him to wake up at 5+ am, he complain here and there, ask me why so early etc etc. ok fine, since ur dad have so big a power, go and stay with him. u r not going to get married, u r not going to have me. u r to look after ur parents until they die, give them all ur salary etc. dun have to care abt me. i wun be left on the shelve. or maybe u can go look for another family-oriented gf. im not ur type. neither r u my type.
went shopping with von today. from fareast to bugis n then from bugis to fareast again. prolly because i needed to get my shoes and also von needs to get her top.
we saw a very very cute n charming sales assistant. wah piang, i ask for discount den he smile smile and say okay la. wah....von n me was like: 'his eyes so cute....' omg....i think i'll jus faint when i see him the next time. well, nvm, since he works at bugis and my office is at bugis, i still gt chance to catch a glimpse of him when i go home. all i have to do is to take a longer route and walk into bugis street jus to see him. oh my god!!!!!!!!
bought a spaghetti top at blossom, blouse at red2 and anna nucci's heels. wah...jus mainly tt shoe cost me 58.80. faint. nvm, as long as it's nice la. and finally i added a new colour to my wardrobe. the 2 tops i bought is RED in colour. wah.
anyway while waiting for von at orchard mrt station, a stupid assistant of a modelling agency approach me. she started off with:'hi im from a modelling agency n we are looking for good looking people like you. what's ur name and ur hp no.?'
i dun even have a chance to say anything or reject her and she wanted to pen down my name and no.
afterwhich i started observing the ppl she finds. wapiang, fat ppl also can, not very pretty one also can....well, fine. haha. but but but...im not trying to say im pretty jus tt some really cannot make it one. haha. i know i also cnt make it la, so stop gossiping la. haha.
everytime when i needed him, he wasnt there for me. it's like not even once. i know afterall im jus a substitute but i didnt even treated him like one. i admit i sucks at relationship issue. im someone who's so fuckingly unfair, such a bitch, such an idiot, such a busybody, such an irritating person, such a slutty person.
i needed a doc asap. things seems to worsen n i felt the pain most of the time. but time doesnt allow. i was thinking of taking mc to visit a doc because i dun like squeezing with ppl on weekends and den waking up early in the morning jus to queue up.
for tt moment i wish im dead.
sorry, i needs to be alone.
10:27 PM
Thursday, March 15, 2007
work was kinda stress for me. i had to stressed my eyes to look at those small small figure, which gives me headache.
had lunch with another 4 colleague of mine and den we walked to some shophouse for chicken rice afterwhich i realise i wasnt full at all. wah piang. can u imagine 3 big guys says it's okay and im still hungry???
gone casebought some snack to office. haha. and i was mock at when i was hiding and eating at the same time. lol.
erm...well...sometimes feel so disappointed in him. i think next time i will not request or suggest anything le. as in i always try not to disappoint him, and meet him up whenever he request...well maybe not all the time but most of the time i'll try. yet whenever i request, he can nv make it.
i will not care, i will not bother.
9:46 PM
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
i know it's stupid to type 2 entries in 1 day. but...there's jus sth which makes me wonder n think alot alot.
actually it's more on my bf. i've tried many many times to trust him. yet and again, i dunno why i get suspicious today. his hands were blue-black etc etc...still there's some wounds on him. i set tt aside.
there's some extra cash in his wallet, which he took a long time before telling me where he gt it from.
is he trying to drag time and think of a good way to lie?
it's jus so weird u see. normally when i reached jurong east i dun have to report to him, but like jus now, he asked me to call him when i reach boon lay. like it's so weird u get wad i mean. he's trying to hide sth. yet i cant figure wad it is. i feel so terrible.
i know u ppl mus be wondering why i can two-time while he cant right?
i cant ans this qns too. really don't. i know im selfish by doing so but....
normally he'll ask me, why i can go out with frens while he cant. this one i can ans. it's because his frens are those tt either goes clubbing or ktv. those ktv where girls acc them tt kind. they even capture their supervisor with another women. me and my frens are plain shopping which occurs in the daytime. his is usually at night. they'll get themselves real drunk and all.
so it's not tt im selfish afterall....it's because both events occur at a different time and different motive.
10:13 PM
woah...haha....hmmm...actually i dunno wad i should update abt. everythings seems like a routine and i dun feel like working anymore.
although i gets along well with some colleagues, i still couldnt help but hate some of them. let's not talk abt colleague. i know wad i wanna say liao. haha.
after getting along with my sch attachment student, i realise i dun quite like yen ting. in such a way in which i really cnt understand her. firstly, she complains tt she gt a lot of work, well, okay. who doesnt. she's jealous tt i gt so much time to spare because normally i finish my work fast. next is tt she complains she's tired. and den she says she wanna go home. during 5.45pm, her butt is still stick to the seats. trying to pretend tt she's oh-so-hardworking. she comes in late for work, and she still have the cheek to complain this and that.
when the secretary ask her to bank in cheque she still gt the time to actually shop at guardian n buy bubble tea.
she should be satisfied already. me have to stay in the office to do auditing, whereas she can go here n there.
ahhhh forget it. jus another 1 more month and my torture is over.
hmmm...actually frankly speaking, i dunno why recently i starts to miss baby. every now and then, even at work, he jus keeps appearing in my mind. though this isnt the first time but....is like it's been so long ever since we started contacting and then he shifted to maju. though it's still the same one-sided missed, but i dunno why i jus cant put him off my mind. argh!!!!!!!!
going to wtch tv le. bye~
9:18 PM
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
work was pretty fine. last night slept pretty well. slp until dun wan to wake up. haha.
was at bugis during lunch time and den tt stupid terrence called. not tt terrence, is another terrence. he called me, which i thought is some other ppl. picked up the call and den i thought is the sell durian ppl. haha. he called me, and den say, 'u now at bugis ar', 'u today wear black right'
wapiang, i today nv wear also not ur prob ar.
den he commented tt i look very different from the pics in friendster. he say i look prettier in person. wah, thanks lehx, but tt also wun help in me talking to u lo. duh.
after work, walked to mrt station with simon. mrt was darn squeezy. everyone was squeezing and i was sandwiched among them. walau.
reached jurong east, was approached by prudential again. after so long, they still wun give up. wanted to run away den tt guy ask me not to run cause the floor slippery.
anyway he asked me to join their firm after i graduated and do their admin stuff b4 getting an insurance agent license. which is after 21 yrs old. he claims tt i gt the looks so if i approach ppl along the street they will stop for me. like wth, if gt 1 yandao ask me stop i also wun lo.
tell him i'll consider abt it. so stupid. he should be explaining the prudential thingy to me, but instead he was introducing this job to me and says salary can discuss with boss de. may be more.
but imagine an accountant during insurance agent....hmm....haha. surprising.
alright, i guess i'll end here.
8:18 PM
Monday, March 12, 2007
was chatting with baby last night. slept at ard 12 plus. i was damn tired, but dunno why i dun wanna hang up. haha.
after putting down the phone i still couldnt slp. i knew im tired but i jus cant sleep. sudden feel of emptiness. cried myself to slp. dun ask me why, i jus feel so tensed up.
couldnt wake up...but i keep telling myself i've to wake up for work. haha.
work was pretty fine. most of the time im busy chatting. haha.
someone said im fat, my butt is round, i've spare tyre....and im his spare tyre. haiz.
sad sad sad ar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:07 PM
Sunday, March 11, 2007
i've spoken to dennis sim. he says come clean with it. yet he still doesnt wan to inform his company abt the truth. still scolded me etc etc....
who's going to bare all the consequences? have he ever spare a thought for me? wad if he have to be jailed for it? who's going to acc me during tt period?
i jus dun understand wad he's thinking.
i've told him, if he were to be jailed, i'll leave once and for all...c'mon, it's not like because i blames tt he's in prison before or wad, it's because no matter how i tell him, he refuse to listen. he always thinks he's right. and now...he claims his bro is in need of money too.
if all these are not going to be settled, in the end, the one who will be sad will be me, the one who will cry like hell will be me, the one who would rather die than see his own bf end up in jail will be me. u get wad i mean?
how long can he be jailed? 1 yr, 2 yrs 10 years? and i have to wait?
no way.
i've already told him, come clean with it, jus be truthful to them. he refuses. he nv thinks of the consequences.
jus wait to be sue.
jus wait to be jailed.
one day, jus one day, i'll have a good talk with morhan, i'll tell him the truth, i'll ask him to withdraw the whole procedure IF U ARE NOT GOING TO DO SO.
dun tink i dun dare.
10:40 PM
how many hundreds and thousands of times mus u lie? dun always use my godfather as an excuse. im no longer a 3 yr old kid. i dun believe in anything u say.
from the way u twist n turn wadever u told ur friends, i know tt out of 10 sentences, 9 are those u made up with. i've tried to believe, tried to be convinced by u, yet i realise i cant anymore.
i know tt being together, trust is the most impt of all, but right now i dun tink im able to do so. never will i. i dun wanna repeat but i still have to say. guys lying n lying to me time and again, is one of the reason why i dun wana trust u anymore. secondly is because u can even lie to ur fren.
i know im always last in ur mind, ur heart. from ur actions and all that, i mean u dun have to specifically show it verbally, from all ur actions and all, it's pretty obvious.
relationship is yet another on and off thing for me. sometimes i'll fall deeply and sometimes i'll try to withdraw. many a times, i've tried to forgive n forget and as times goes by, i realise i can no longer take it anymore.
i know it has been a big blow to u abt tt accident thingy, i know im not contributing much...im jus adding on to ur troubles. i know other girls can treat u better, go ahead. in this world, everything is jus a routine. u get out of a r/s, and u get into another r/s. is pretty normal, isnt it?
maybe without me, life would be better for u, u may be happier. im so much a burden for u, aint i? when it's the time to leave i will. dun hold me back unless im still the one whom u love unless u r able to forget tt girl, unless u r willing to sacrifice.
it's never easy for me. never ever. jus because of u, how many times have my parent turn their back on me? do u know? u expected me to stay out late with u, u never spare a thought on my parents, and on me. when i gets home my dad was angry and so was my mum. meeting up with u frequently was also a torture to my ear. i've tried, i've tolerated. how many times was i scolded for not visiting my granny and yet i always have time for you?
u nv realise the sacrifices i've made. u made it as if it's sth which i owe u and now i've to repay. i hate staying home, and u love to sleep and sleep...making me watch u sleep and den my day was gone.
i know tt being together, is not of going for a movie or going shopping is the amt of quality time spent together. but i hate this kind of lifestyle. it makes me feel like a sua gu.
in my house, i've to give u face, cannot flare up with u or wad...in ur house u can jus shout at me lidat. who am i? ur maid ar? or ur dog?
hatred!
9:18 PM
Saturday, March 10, 2007
i feel so tired. slept at 1 plus last night. was on the phone with terrence ar. see la, now at jurong island bored den will rmb me. at safti, totally forgot my existence. humph.
went to the bank and went to pay handphone bills. morning jus past like this. haha.
MAY BE meeting terrence later. dun dare/wanna put in too much hope of going out with him. he can suddenly call and den cancel the trip. tt also explain why im still typing this entry.
more updates at night or tml....depending on my mood. haha.
okay that's all for now. =)
11:15 AM
Friday, March 09, 2007
okay...wad to write now. well, hmmm there was some ammendments made to previous entries but i didnt amend la. jus dun bother abt tt entry. haha.
work was fine today. was kinda busy. had lunch with simon. only the two and u can imagine when we gt back to the office, everyone was looking at us. well, wad to do, since my friend is away for audit, of course im more sociable with new guys. as in he doesnt have a companion for lunch, so since im alone, so why not be together. haha.
he bought me m&m choc while we were walking ard 7-11. hehe. wah, u know wad, it's so embarrassing....when we walk back from ljs, i forgot the route and i was asking him...'hey, where's our office ar? why i cant see?'...den he led me to fortune center. duh!!!......
was looking at my friendster photos and darn!!!........i missed my waist long hair. haiz. wait n wait n wait for my hair to grow n grow n grow....
10:38 PM
Thursday, March 08, 2007
when ppl are trying to help, he refuses the offer. he choose to scold me, get angry and get fed up with me instead of allowing me to help him. so now tt bloody 3.6k, go settle them urself. i'll stand aside, watch and see how u are going to get tt sum. i wun say anything, or do anything. wadever it is, i'll remain silent. u choose to ask me not to go to court with me, u said with ur frens, it's enough. go ahead. in the past whenever i told him i'll acc him to some place, he'll agree n let me tag along. not now anymore. watever it is la, dun let me catch u two-timing. i'll make ur life miserable, i'll make sure ur- mistress- have a hard time. dun think i dun dare to.
sometimes im really happy for him such tt he got good friends to help him whenever he got into trouble. take for eg, jianming, he was studying part time and he needs 4000plus in april, he's still willing to take out his 2000 bucks savings to help him for the coverage of court fine. his supervisor called him a moment ago, and told him he's willing to lend him 500 bucks for tt bloody hellish repair of the van. can u ppl see the difference?
ppl always says,
讲钱伤感情。haha. now i know who'll be the one who will stand by him and help him thru such crisis. i cant even find such a friend. but maybe in my working life, i might la. wish me luck k. actually i know someone reading will be wondering why i didnt mention him. well, actually sometimes it's okay if one rejects the other. dun have to drop so many hints for ppl. hidden meanings.
called dennis sim. ask him some of the things regarding laws.
had dim sum for lunch. client's treat. haha. nice nice. it was so full for me and my senior. too bad simon wasnt ard. haha. he gt driving exam today.
pms. wth.
my toes hurt like hell. luckily i gt a plaster from jas. else i'll be dragging my feets all the way to client's office. sobs.
working life makes me feel so tired.
i need lots of masking. my face is so terrible right now. argh!!!........
my face doesnt get enough rest. too much make-up le.
anyway with me ard or without me ard, it's the same. so next time for any outings can dun need to ask me along. i wun blame any of you.
that's all for today.
8:36 PM
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
walau...it's not my fault. i'll nv admit im at fault.
taxi drivers nowadays are very very jialat. i tell you, im so freaking hate them. no wonder grandma was cursing n swearing at taxi driver the other day.
told the uncle:
'turn right at st 51'
'where'
'after the traffice light in front'
'stop after the traffic light ar?'
'no no, nvm...u go straight and den turn right after the greenish temple'
still at tt bloody driver remains at left lane. still dun wanna move on to right lane to be prepared to turn. wtf.
'stop here ar'
'no, turn right'
'wait la, nv give me clear instruction'
'turn into blk 466,.........................turn right in front!'
'stop here ar?'
'no la, TURN RIGHT LA'
knn....dunno the route den dun be taxi driver la. go home ask ur fucking wife to dig ur ears for u la. cb. say so many times turn right u wan to stop for wad? still blame me. get a life. im paying u as if im throwing them to beggars ar. knn.
so who's at fault? me or the driver. if u ppl insist it's me, den be it. because instruction was given before the destination. when i told him st 41, he thought i said st 31.
forrtyyy n thirtyyy.....such a big diff.
my bf still insist it's my fault. okay lo. since he's more concern abt outsiders....no point arguing la. wait till he himself met someone like this, den i'll make sure i'll say it's his fault.
went to orchard, nus n den back to office.
results are out. jus check it in the morning.
9:22 PM
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
hmm...both of us are feeling better le. im glad.
had some quarrels recently. but we r fine now la.
after last sunday, i couldnt slp for the whole nite. as in sunday nite. the thought of the 'ghost' jus scared me off. woke up dozens of times in the night leaving me feeling giddy n sleepy n bad headache the next day.
this week will be at orchard. saw mely n yufeng. haha.
hmmm....dunno wad to say le.
infection got worst. i think no matter wad i'll have to visit a doc.
u'll be erased.
8:47 PM
Sunday, March 04, 2007
hmmm...aint i lucky tt he's alive?
went to look for his fren's uncle for some fortune telling session. we really dunno wad we should do, so he suggested on going over.
it was after all a male ghost disturbing. believe it anot. i believe. because from those records, every year 1st of march, the lorry will definately cause an accident. the lorry once killed someone. no matter how dear brake, nth will help.
i may be telling my parents abt it, even if it means him being angry with me. right now the last solution will be my parents le.
thanks pearly for chatting with me. seems like she was the only one available at this point in time as in...erm...well i dunno how i should actually explain la, she's just someone whom i can approach.
im off to slp. have to go down to orchard tml for auditing. nites.
10:31 PM
Saturday, March 03, 2007
everything is alright at home le. right now im more worried abt that issue.
somehow i sensed sth wasnt right. it cant be only tat. trust me.
yet n again i felt so helpless. cant help much and den make him feel guilty n more stress. i hate tt bloody man. fucker ass-hole. go fuck ur mum.
it's so stress thinking abt the money issue and it's not like 1 year can pay off lidat. it's like 2 years to pay off tt 10k. couldnt sleep well, waken by dreams, thinking of wad type of jobs allow saturday n sunday.
isnt it great if i can turn back time?
my last resort...dun have to mention here....
11:14 PM
i tell you, im gonna go crazy. really crazy this time.
1st issue: worried for him
2nd issue: family is not talking to mum, including me. guess it was because of my issue tt dad n mum quarrelled. bro not talking to mum dunno for wad reason.
i cant stand it anymore.
please....cant everything be jus perfect for me?
why why n why?
thanks terrence for chatting with me last night. if not i think my eyes will go totally swollen today.
i know even if i cant help much, im willing to give up my savings for him. im willing to walk him thru this ordeal. it's because of love. im willing to make him happy once again even if it means spending a lot of time on him. i dun mind anything. jus for him.
i want his cheerful self back, i want him to throw his temper on me, i wan him to be strong once again.
of course i hope tt this issue will be closed. in a way tt if we are able to get the amt asap. the longer it drags, the sadder i feel. the sadder i feel, the more tears will flow. the more tears flow, the more guilty he felt. the more guilty he felt, the more i feel helpless.
i pray for things to be normal once again.
10:07 AM
Friday, March 02, 2007
if only everything is just a dream...
nearly broke down in the train. broke down in office. broke down in front of him.
im very worried.
how to get so much money in jus a few months. sell my body? go be those slutty waitress? work as social escort? or wad?? jus tell me how?
many a times i wish i could be run down by vehicle while crossing the road, so tt i will have no worries nth at all. yet i tell myself i cant leave him in a lurch. he needed me desperately.
i promised to stand by him no matter wad happen.
i pray for everything to be fine.
9:29 PM
Thursday, March 01, 2007
things which i dun wanna happen finally happen. i knew it would happen one day. dun ask me wad happen and dun need to go ard guessing wad's wrong.
i jus hope everything can be settled without any jail term.
complain and complain abt dear....yet i still love him to bits.
new guy came in. hmmm...which will means that we dun have any more chance to go to client's area because he will be the one going. wad's worse is i have to give up my table to him. well, wad to do. attachment students are lidat one. but im not gonna return them the stationary.
weather have been so sucky. rain n rain n rain. i tell u, i hate raining day forever n ever.
if there's a choice, i'll rather give up my life just to make sure he's alright. really.
the tears that have been threatening to flow were well controlled. i keep telling myself everything will be fine, everything will be okay after paying the FINE. wad a FINE city.
sad, worried, upset, angry. a whole whirlwind of emotion.
9:36 PM
