Tuesday, February 27, 2007
i cant believe i've such a bf. always says he love me yet...action speaks louder than words. oh please!!!...
actually i dun like bf to put his fren before me. i guess that explains why i rather suggest to break.
i dun quite like his circle of friends. he used to be an ah beng, so u can guess his scope of friends is like wad la. and that also tells u why i quarrelled with one of his fren at fashion bar the other time and him....wad a useless guy, who nv stands by me, keeps quiet n laugh.
and now he says im the one in the wrong when it was his fren who provoke me. c'mon, if no one come and step on my tail, why would i defend for myself???
i really dunno who is more impt. like wtf. tgt for 1yr plus already, with tt fren of his whom he cant get along previously, and now, he finally said tt im the one in the wrong.
terrence, bernard n kim is okay with me. as in after the talk with kim, he's not bad a guy.
okay fine, im the one in the wrong. when have i never been wrong? im always the one who's wrong. summon also i wrong, my fault.
i think 1 day, i gotta drag daddy down to lavender to change my surname. from lau to LAI. isnt it better this way?
u claims tt u wanna go overseas badly, den go ahead la. stop showing off saying if u wanna go KL, den kim will definately bring u there. please lah, ppl's gf in s'pore. he's so willing to stay in spore for his gf sake, so freaking unlike u.
i think it's better that we take a break.
it seems that things are getting far too out of hand, and there's so much conflict.
im always the one u blame even if it's not my fault.
lottery nv strike is because im so suay. when u strike my ic no. so many times, did u thank me for tt? when i didnt appear in ur life, u claims tt u nv strike at all. nvm la, im at fault. every week u MUST strike else i will make u very suay.
i feel so tired of all these.
10:40 PM
work till 6.30pm today. luckily not until 9pm else we'll complain to michelle le. haha. lunch hour not fixed, so had lunch at 1.30pm. hungry until pek chek.
oh ya, granny bought me bird nest. daddy bought another bird nest for me. he spent abt 200+ with tt lil quantity. like wth. ya i know he dotes on me, but dun need to dote till tt extend ma. boo!!!... nvm la, next time i work le, mus look after them le.
went back office today and den to client's place. took a short nap on the cab.
while i was taking a train today, i was wondering, how come nowadays it's the guys who are the one sitting down instead of the girls? okay, im one of them who always stands in train, frm 12/02 until now, even though gt seats, but walau sit for 1-2 station is so wu liao. haha.
was kinda tired. hopefully tml will be the last day at the client's place. haha.
tt's all.
8:48 PM
Monday, February 26, 2007
i hate working there. no overtime pay or wad. worse than bangladesh. may have to work till 9pm tml. was a rush job.
somehow i felt that we werent as close as before le. maybe with c, is still close, the others are drifting apart. felt like a stranger. some of which i dun like, some of which i think is proud. only like k n c attitude.
in my list i only gt 4 close friends of which 2 are from sec sch n another 2 frm poly. i despise those who looks down on ppl and that is you you and you. dun have to say ur name out la, all along i know u look down on us. it's okay, because there will be times where u might fall.
MAY be changing my url again. but if this time i change, i think i will only tell the 4 of them.
im jus a slave for you.
8:03 PM
Saturday, February 24, 2007
went to june's house follow by szeling hse. were gossipping in june's house abt some teacher. it's so fun. haha.
i think recently im damn lazy, too lazy to update le. i feel like sleeping every now and then. it's like pig. right???
i think that's all.
gonna buy more chocs tml. hehe.
bye~
11:07 PM
Friday, February 23, 2007
rejected my only chance to be a bridemaid. my parents says it's really really no good for me, so no choice, i called her up jus now to cancel it off.
quarrelled with bf. was damn pissed. let's not talk abt it.
had a chat with alfred. my colleague. so far i think he and jas is considered the more friendly type. walk to mrt with alfred, chat abt work and sch. nv gossip abt ppl hor. lol. i realise the other colleagues can gossip non-stop abt ppl they hate.
i behaved damn clumsy recently. firstly i acted clumsy ytd when i met up with terrence. he should know wad im talking abt la. haha. next was with alfred. my heels gt stuck in between the path. diao. so i stop to pull it out. i think alfred mus be thinking 'why is this girl so clumsy?' haha. he did laugh to himself la, but....haha....nvm, entertainment. haha.
msg him nv reply, call him den he say will call back also nv. haiz.
meeting ching tml at bishan 11am. mus force myself up at 9am. haha.
bye
9:48 PM
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
went shopping with ching. bought 2 skirt, 2 pants and 3 tops. bought a handbag for my mum at OG. spent 200+ this shopping.
wah so long nv see ching le, found out she likes small small bag. heh. lol.
okay la, dun feel like writing much here.
tml will start work le. i feel so awkward having to travel to bugis. redhill better, still can tk cab to there, dun need walk so much. sobs.
LO will be visiting us tml. dunno how to write in my log book. duh~
10:35 PM
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
im back im back im back....haha. came back last night. jammed again. reached home ard 2.30am. had a good night sleep...hehe...
i really like life in msia. haha. chatting with aunt etc....wah like once a year man!....
i love this new year because during the stay, i wasnt bored at all. supposed to come back this morning but since my aunt have to be back because she needs to work, so my father offered to drive her back...we sacrificed. sobs.
went to meet dear...den he came over to my hse. went to loyang to pray and den dear drove dad's car to visit his granny. went to buy rice for his granny and off we go. hehe.
okay, that's all.
10:15 PM
Sunday, February 18, 2007
happy happy new year to all readers. hee....
back from granny's place. had a very full reunion dinner. wah seh...was thinking whether im able to fit into tt dress. humph.
will be going to msia tml morning le....i miss him a lot a lot.
i regretted not telling him how much i miss him, regretted not telling him how much i love him. will pay him a visit once i reached s'pore which i wish i can reach spore early.
*yawn*
12:07 AM
Friday, February 16, 2007
work ended at 3 today. left the client's place at 12.30pm and den headed to office. had lunch at fortune centre which sucks like hell, expensive like f*ck. haha.
today was the 2nd time i go to office. before that i was always hanging out at client's place. haha. everything is okay at the client's place but....when i went back to the office, walau eh, u will know how arrogant the ppl there are. except for those audit assistant and senior auditor, accountant and secretarial are so damn sucky. u see their face wun even feel like communicating with them. haha.
will be going to msia on sunday morning. SHIOK. i wonder how my sucky day will pass by. with nth to do, with no one to talk to. haix. sad case la. haha.
will be starting work on thurs. hee. so wednesday dun need work, so happy lo. like so long never sleep for all i want. every morning have to wake up at 6am. look thru documents until head pain...haha. so kelian.
red pen, green pen, blue pen....haha.....
jus rmb tt i forgot to take my hp extra batt from terrence. shitty shit.
i dun wanna go back msia....
if anything happens to me...........grrrrr............................................................rmb to tell him tt i still love him....................boooooooooooooooooooooo.....................
10:12 PM
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
how many ppl actually understand me? jl dun believe it's really over. so funny. he actually counted how many times i told him i broke with him. but c'mon, the serious-ness in my tone. with me crying so badly over the other side and him laughing at me. how would one feel.
been so long ever since i last cried. the tears all building ard my eyes. u know how hard it is for me to control? the stress during attachment? who knows? so many times i really wanted to give up the attachment job, how many times i feel like bursting into tears. who can i tell, who can i talk to? it's so hard, so tough, deadlines are so near. how???
the fear every morning i encounter, who really knows? the fear of stepping into client's office, the fear of auditing for them, the fear and frustration of not being able to trace....im already very very stress, i cant even vent my anger on him, cant even do this or do that. now tt it's over, im kinda peaceful. no more phone calls asking me why i didnt call him up etc etc.
no turning back because this is also part of his decision.
thanks junwei for always being there for me. hee...i'll ring u up if i really needs you. =)
11:06 PM
i broke off with him. threw away the goldheart necklace, next will be the ring, the earring and everything he's given me.
dun ask me why. i've been very very unhappy with him. now tt it's over, im so glad, jus so glad. this day have finally come. haha. true true true.
a valentine's day staying at home. eating his mother plain rice and tougay. wad's more, quarrelling non-stop, non wan to give in. definately not me. so this is considered the worst valentine's day.
i've made up my mind, decided to leave him.
it's enough.
strike lottery, nv even thank me. my ic no. nvm. nv strike lottery blame it on me saying that i always quarrel with him make him cnt strike.
see....
yes im demanding, so now i want u to stand up by urself. meaning, to live ur own life and i live my own life. i dun wan u to come scolding me when im out with my friends and vice versa. im still young and im open to choices. im not someone who will stay loyal to you, and i know u wun either.
i've many guys revolving in my daily life, i cant promise u i will love u forever. nth last. like you, who always sides with an outsider, not even bothering abt me. i dun like that.
it's better to end it this way. i know u've also decided to leave, so i wun hold u back.
that's all.
i dun need anyone to console. i believe im strong enough to handle such stuff.
10:34 PM
Sunday, February 11, 2007
went over to dear's place early in the morning. not very early la, it's ard 9.30 when i reached his place.
rot on his bed, steal some sleep and then off for breakfast. walk ard pm and den went home. told his mum i wan to custom made the bridesmaid gon since i can still wear it for other dinners. cost 140 now. duh.
went to cck with dear and den to jp. he bought a gold necklace.
dear surprised me with a goldheart necklace. hee. nice nice. muacks.
went back to his hse. slept from 4+ to 7pm. i think tonight i dun need to sleep liao lo. haha.
tml will be the start of attachment. kinda scared lehx. sobs. later kena bully how??? i still dun really know the route from bugis village to fortune centre. think i will take the route they took me over on thurs.
ok. that's all. bye.
on fri b4 going over to dear's place. =)
10:21 PM
Saturday, February 10, 2007
went shopping with von. den her friends join us la. wasnt satisfied wit the shopping today. simply disappointed la. prolly is because there's suddenly a big crowd in far east, the queue to try on clothes is long, i couldnt find the skirt i want and den....the humid and hot weather.
in the end i bought a shirt @ red2, and bought a shirt from zeniz for dear. cant believe after shopping like 3-4hours, i only gt this 2 stuff. so unlike me. but well, cant blame me, there's really nth to buy la. no attractive clothes and those clothes were like so outdated. always see them when i go fareast.
insufficient of sleep even though exams are over. woke up early to acc mum to market. so weird when i dun have to study. when i gt nth to do, i'll think of studying sth and den i realise i've finish my papers and there's nth for me to revise. like wth, during exams dun feel like studying den after exams want to study.
sofa is arriving tml. so early when the date we gave them was 15 feb.
busy moving things here n dere. haa.
okay time to do other things rather than blogging.
bye
10:32 PM
Friday, February 09, 2007
hmmm...i dunno why la, suddenly have the urge to call him. last night missed call him, den this morning, he return call. luckily the phone was with me all the while, else if dear sees terrence name n no., tadaa~
called him again at 9pm when i was on the cab. nv pick again. haha. den
jus called him and luckily he pick ar. haha. chatted for a while la. it's been so long ever since i hear his voice le. and someone says i
put on weight liao. haha....nvm la, i will be on diet de.
no more tidbits, no more sweets.
bought a dress @ 47.20. dear paid. heng i gt 20% discount, else will be 59 bucks. haha.
clean dear's living room window and his window and dear clean the lights of his hse. damn hot, heng my clothing damn cooling. haha. after tt went to boon lay market.
acc dear to cut his hair and den had mac for dunno which meal la. haha. in between lunch n dinner and then....this explains why i put on weight....4 meals in 1 day. wtf.
im much happier now.
11:44 PM
Thursday, February 08, 2007
为什么要这样对我？干脆你直接告诉我。我觉得自己打给你已经没有意义了，因为你不会听我的电话，也不会回电。
考试已经到一段落了，可是心里很不开心。已经久就没见到你了，这一切对你来说是什么？我的眼泪已经忍不住了，心里一直很想把你忘了，可是我办不到。我希望你做任何事都能给个交待，那包括不想和我在一起。
我不是个垃圾，不要的时候就丢在一边。
我已经逼自己笑了，逼得好辛苦，好假。可是我告诉自己，至少我还能笑，就算是假的笑，都像是真的似的。
爱情永远是我最悴落得地方。我认输。不想爱也不要爱。
心里好烦啊。went to look at fortune center route. okay la, not as bad as wad i think lo. didnt see much ah-peh. haha. and my frens keep frightening me. diao.
tax paper was okay but, where to find someone who's so stupid to change the correct ans to the wrong one. fuck. i jus wanna kill myself.
went for steamboat with them. nice. after tt bernard ask dear if he wanna come down find me, den i say dun need. when i wanted to go home, tt's when i gt so pek chek. no cab at esplanade, no cab at marina square, no more calling of cab available, quarrel with dear, hop on to free ride to city hall at 9.30pm, reached home at 10.45.
mus thank my beloved frens for waiting with me. hehe.
okay, it's time to slp. meeting dear tml early in the morning. for breakfast n I WANT THAT DRESS. heh.
11:13 PM
i think i forgot to mention previously. haa-
i dreamt of him on tues night. wondering who the 'him' was? i think he should know la. but well, since it's over, forget it la.
it was actually a dream tt i dun wanna wake up from. i could still rmb vividly the venue the dream took place. at a furniture mall, with u sleeping next to me. the others will be kept as a secret. will not reveal le. haha.
也许把心里的话说出来会比较好。为何让我那么痛苦呢？天天想哭，却阻止眼泪，不让它滑落。你知道我很痛苦吗？你知道我有多么想你吗？装着坚强，也不知能再装多久。眼泪也不知什么时候会再也忍不住掉下来。
现在的我，觉得在这个世界我只为父母而活。
很心痛因为这不是我要的结局。
再见了。
12:25 AM
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
was an unhappy day. totally moodless.
im supposed to be happy, but i jus dunno wad makes me so upset and so disappointed.
bernard's car was with dear, so he drove back to safti to return him the car. dear wanted to look for terrence, so bo bian, we walked to his
so-called canteen there. didnt bother much abt T. i dun wan to let emotion control me, so i tried to turn my attention to studying instead. i cant even absorb.
not even a glance at him. not even a drink frm him, which was partly because of a reason.
a guy whom i once loved so deeply suddenly became a stranger to me.
i guess i'll slowly move on...though it doesnt matter to him, but there's still memories and feelings for him.
i've just lost him overnight. alrite, tml is my last pp. out with frens after that. =)
szeling mention tt she seldom see me laugh in sch le, okay lo, tml i laugh until u cnt ta-han ar. haha.
10:48 PM
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
i shall not bother about anything now.
all past event will be erased from my memories.
-things never turn for the better. i'll keep my words.-
11:12 PM
i was freaking fed up with my parents and bf. now im not going to address him as 'dear' in this blog, an 'A' will do the job.
passed him 100 bucks ytd for polishing. keep asking him how much does it cost, he doesnt want to tell me, so passed him 100 bucks hopefully to cover everything and him paying to his company.
keep the money himself, said he treated his fren. even those who didnt do anything to dad's car gt the treat. not tt im acting stingy here, c'mon la, wad they usually talk behind my back and him acting so generously to treat them. i dun tink daddy will ever past him his car anymore. and me, im still considering whether i still wanna be with him. because of so many things tt is a sore to my eyes. i seems to hate him more.
he says it's my fault. my fault tt im so stingy. c'mon, dad jus wanted to pay back to stamford because he doesnt want to owe u any fucking things. paying money to someone who cannot be trusted. wtf. trying to change my dad's opinion. change so many things for him without his permission and him again have to fork out money to pay u back.
he's pissed and so are they.
he thought by doing so my parents would be happy, but they arent. my parents are not like those typical s'porean who goes ga-ga over free things. they pay for things tt they owe. so now im someone stuck in between.
his parents pissed me off too.
his dad wanted to sign another 2 yr plan to get a new phone. the line he wanted to use is either A's or mine. i dunno why an un-employed person needs 2 phone. please for heaven sake dun compare my situation with his. i know im unemployed too but my parents have the ability to feed me. wad abt theirs. i dun wanna talk much abt his family here nor complain so much but i really can no longer stand the sight of it.
his dad jus changed his phone not long ago, even later than us, and then he complains the phone is going to spoil, etc etc. A told me tt no matter wad kind of phone his father use, it will still spoil because he always spoil phone. i know the name is under his mum, but is she able to pay off everything. the whole phone expenses for tt extra year? i dun wanna hold on to the phone anymore. because i think it's still better to use daddy's phone instead. even my dad asked me to return him the phone. i think i will do it. because im sure he'll complain to others when he actually pay the monthly bill for me. this is not sth which i force him or ask him to pay off one. dun get the wrong idea. it's all his decision and now....everything is my fault again.
so happy lo, his parents make us quarrel, my parents make us quarrel.
i wun believe this is anymore obstacles for us le. it's all predicted and arranged by god. 2 things happening at the same time.
his fren bernard drove him back after he return the car just now.
you wanted me to trust you, but look at it urself. have u ever done anything to gain my trust? money wun buy happiness. im not someone who's after money, so dun come telling me if u dun love me, u wun buy this or that for me. like i've said, it's not tt i cant afford, is u who dun allow me to pay. WHO TO BLAME?
if we werent together, i believe im working now. it's because of restriction tt i cant work.
i'll have a different mindset once i step out of poly life. by then we werent be together anymore i supposed.
there's a limit to my tolerance. u've reached the extend where i can no longer tolerate.
bye
9:12 PM
one more paper to go....hmmm....today paper i dun wanna say much la. i guess im going to flunk. but who cares....
the past few irritation were due to pms. but somehow it jus didnt go off.
there's so many things i wanted to blog down, yet i dunno where to start from.
have been thinking alot lately, while i was in the car ytd and also during my free time la. when have a guy ever been serious to me? i hate questioning myself but i wanna know the ans.
i went for dear's cousin wedding. well, it was okay but the food sucks big time. im not gonna damage the restaurant reputation so i wun be saying the name out la. somehow ppl's eyes keep wandering off to other girls. wad can i do? he gt tired of my looks already, gt tired of my figure. he wanted girls with
big boobs that explain why his eyes jus couldnt get off frm their
breast.
well, i dun wanna repeat myself, but if u r not going to cherish me, i dun find any reason continue-ing. you always says u are jus looking ard, but u didnt say u were specifically looking at them, eyes following their footstep while they walk past. can any guys jus explain to me why.
firstly u was the one telling me u cant live without me, the next moment u were busy oogling and drooling over other girls. let me tell u, if there's any guys who likes me right now, i wun hesitate to leave you. not anymore when u dun even cherish me. if ur heart cant settle down, no point wasting our time together. 1yr 8mths only and u r tired of me.
now i know why guys looks at me when i go out. this is retribution and im suffering because u were busy looking at other girls and other guys are busy looking at me. next time dun come telling me and complaining how much u hate those guys looking at me, because b4 u say tt pls think of yourself first. u were busy looking at other girls and wad abt their bf. they will have the same thinking, mind you.
i feel better living alone. no worries, nth at all.
hopefully my attachment wun be a place whereby it's all girls. i need some handsome guys to brighten my days. haha.
enough of my bullshit la.
不爱就说不爱，为什么要逼自己和我在一起，自己却把我当透明的。这样的爱，我不要，也不希罕。
现在的我，谁都不想要。因为我知道终有一天那个特别的他会出现的。
我想我可以习惯一个人生活，我想我可以假装不曾爱过。。。。。
another day filled with
unhappiness.
2:20 PM
Sunday, February 04, 2007
well...i dunno wad's wrong with me. totally hasnt been myself the whole day. easily irritated. is it due to my
pre-menstrual syndrome or is it sth tt's bothering me.
i
knew i miss him, yet i said nth. tt's just not me. but well, wad can i do? im already trying very hard to act strong, to make it like he doesnt matter to me anymore, but...i knew the pretence couldnt last. there were times when i hate myself so much. at times i feel like crying, yet i tried to distract myself not to even think of you.
how much do you actually understand me? went for hair treatment, cut my hair shorter. hell, i hate it when my hair becomes so short, but...haix....wad can i do, hairdresser jus snip it off, so let it grow again lor. haix.
bought a wardrobe...HEARTPAIN AR...
reached home, bath, and den off to meet dear.
not much studying done today because the waiting time for treatment it DAMN long...haix...let's not talk abt it...i wait until very very pek chek.
last night chatted with jl. was suppose to slp early because i have to wake up ard 8am today. the call ended at 3am. heng i tell him im tired, else he will continue. muahaha. kidding la.
如果事情还是没有转变，那一个人生活还是最好的
off
11:28 PM
Saturday, February 03, 2007
absolutely no idea wad's going on today. somehow i feel so confuse over many many matters and it's so hard for me to force myself to focus on finance. another year wasted. with no improvement in result, may even drop. wadever it is, i dun care anymore. im so sick n tired of life.
it doesnt matter much. nth matters to me anymore. i dun take things seriously like before. i dun care if u wan it or not. i wun force u, nth. everything seems so different. im behaving even more differently. i dunno why i treated u like this, like i totally dun care. i make it sounds like it's nth.
i dunno for wad-so-ever reason, i just keep telling dear, 'even if u dun wan me, im sure someone will wan me'. im not trying to say anything here la. but tt's wad i think. i definately wun last with a guy who doesnt know how to cherish me. im just trying to emphasis tt 'he should cherish me, else i will give the chance to others who's after me'. im hinting him already, it's up to him to decide.
okay, so jl says he will call me last night. i fell asleep. and when i wanted to make a phone call today, i saw his house no. on the call list and i actually received the call. but he claims he hung up after 3 rings. haha. okay la, so heng he nv hear me snore. haha. (hey i dun snore)
going for hair steaming tml. gonna see wardrobe with mama tml too. wah, like so many things to do but c'mon i need to study la. hell.
dun care dun care dun care. im jus going to heck with everything.
bye
11:45 PM
Friday, February 02, 2007
i was busy yet he says im lazy. he treats my diary as a bedtime story. 我小气！ humph.
been feeling kinda guilty la. firstly right before my facc paper, i went to bukit batok defu furniture with my family to look for sofa. happily shop for a few hours. darn. secondly right before my cost paper which was after my facc paper, i went to look for beds with my bro. he's the one buying, not me, but he wanted me to help him choose color. no choice.
audit paper was a killer. well, maybe not to some of them, but to the other some, it's tough la. haha.
this is not a year for me to play anymore. it's time to actually sit down and study but yet i dunno why i keeps getting distracted. one thing is i have already place my lappy away as in im not usually online when im studying unlike the past few exams. haha.
ohhh-hhhhh....someone is going to taiwan on the 12 of feb. the start of my attachment life. haha. nvm la, it's okay with me, because these few weeks i spent it like nth happens. im used to it already. haha.
another 2 more papers to go. finance and taxation. monday night will have to attend wedding dinners. and the next morning im having my finance paper. shitty shit.
im off to watch my war and beauty.
bye
10:07 PM
