Wednesday, January 31, 2007
i wun say much. not tt i didnt call, is u didnt bother to pick. not even a return call. im telling u, im giving it up. pls be more responsible.
gone
12:08 AM
Sunday, January 28, 2007
i really doesnt know wad's going on. is it because the time for recovering is jus too short or is it tt i really cant accept it. I-DON'T-KNOW-
been staying up late recently and this will be a quick update because it's really late already.
i've no prob staying up late to study but yet i also gt no problem letting my thoughts wander. i could still vividly rmb wad actually happen on wednesday night. the time where my whole heart broke into million zillion of pieces. i've to let this haunt me every night, and everynight i nv fail to cry myself to slp. even after all those explanation frm his friends, the fact is -i still cant accept-
i did talk to my future's uncle's gf, michelle. we sms-ed frm like 10pm to 1 am. talking abt bridal issue and boyfren's issue.
many a times i get fed up with myself. i cant even hold on to someone, to make them be loyal to me. wad abt out future? will he be flirting ard with loads and tons of ladies?
i know i've gotta forget n forgive, well it isnt his fault too but c'mon, how can u expect me to recover in jus less than 1 week, a month.
i wanted so much to call up tt bloody bitch. i wanted to ask her to not behave so CHEAPLY. fancy going ard addressing ppl as ur darling not 1 but a few. (i mention A FEW) to make matter worse, u've gt a boyfriend. u stayed with him. yet u goes ard flirting with so many guys. u r not some pretty, slim, sexy or young gals anymore. being a 20plus going to 30 or maybe even older, cant u even behaves more maturely? do i have to buy u a full-length mirror to let u take a look at ur round n short n auntie-like looks?
i jus hope u have a fucking chance to read my blog because i want u to know how i bloody hellish hate u, how ur so-called COLLEAGUES desribe YOU-TO-ME. I pretended tt i didnt see u b4, yet i still rmb how u squeeze urself in tt yellow car. yup, i purposely USED the word SQUEEZE. the reason for my prentence is because i was so bloody eager to know how ur colleagues gonna describe u to me, and up to my surprise, they werent on ur side.
i dun care whose fault it is now. i jus hope to get this across my boyfriend's mind, if u still wanna get to know other girls, wanted to widen ur circles of friends, then go. i believe i can survive without you. i wun be left on the shelf. i believe if u really love me, u wun betray my trust. i believe u wun do things to hurt me but time and again u jus did. i've forgive u many times already and so...if there were to be 1 more time, i'll be gone, out of ur life FOREVER. and i mean it.
no one is perfect, we've to learn to love them and accept their imperfection. thru'out this 1 yr plus, i've learnt alot from this r/s. i've tried to put myself in his shoes in certain situation when we quarrelled....there's so many tt i dun have the energy to blog it down. it's already 3.15am le.
right now will be the time i learn to be independent and strong because i know one day he'll leave.
night~
2:54 AM
Saturday, January 27, 2007
im lagging behind. i seriously need to start some serious revision instead of being distracted by things here and there. but i simply hates theory, im not someone who can memorise and memorise loads and tons of things. it can settle in my brain cells for an hour afterwhich it jus die off.
practising past year paper can jus squeeze my brain juice to 0%. i gets fed up when i couldnt get the ans and i dunno wad went wrong. esp cost accounting. i've heard some of my frens complaining abt how difficult the 03/04 paper is and yes, it's really difficult. i dun even seems to understand wad the qns wants. out of 4 qns, im only able to ans tt pathetic 1 qns.
things wasnt as simple as wad ppl thought it is.
i want exams to end FAST but yet, as it draws nearer, im scared dead. sadly i didnt get to enjoy much during the 3 weeks holiday, and worse is i didnt even study much. if i didnt enjoy much but i did some revision which can help me with my pp, i wun feel so guilty but it's like everything is not accomplish. now tt 1 week study break is coming to an end and my revision is only so-so.
there's so many cost accounting qns which i dunno how to do.
tml will try to finish up COST pp and then study abit of audit or finance. i cant left this 2 modules behind as the credit unit is 4.
study study study...also not use. at the end, results is the same as nv study. boo.
1:51 AM
Friday, January 26, 2007
should i believe or not??? still in a dilema. his friend spoke to me, everyone is trying to help him. and me, it's jus so hard for me to forget wad i heard. he claims they have no r/s, nth at all. his supervisor morhan was kinda fed up with the girl after he knew abt it.
had a lil conversation with his fren, ah kim. he told me tt the girl called him and another guy darling too. but yet i told him im not as open minded as wad he thinks i am. he says he understand how i feel. he told me he doesnt want my r/s with him ended because of a girl who obviously lose all the criteria to me. he said he will nv fall for a girl who's older than him, fat, and behaves like an auntie. he asked me to go over to stamford to look for andy later. he says partly he wanted to see me too (which i know was sth he said to make me happy la, but im obviously not).
yup, and i did went over. i didnt know he suffered so much because of me. not until now. he told me he threw away his breakfast, threw away the pack of rice after a few spoonful etc. all of a sudden, i felt so guilty. he kneeled b4 me ytd to plead me not to leave him, he told me he cant live without me...his mum was so worried abt him committing suicide( i think so) tt she follows him wherever he goes.
even though i've tried to forget the whole issue, but every now and then it jus replay thru my mind and tears will eventually roll down. i've tried not to think abt it yet i cant.
my papers is jus a few days away. i have totally no confidence for audit and finance paper. and now im losing confidence over taxation.
i felt so messed up with everything now.
2:00 AM
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
it all ended. i requested for the break. wad's there to say when i found out tt he two-timed me. i know i did two-time him too but right now tt's not the case anymore.
i can no longer trust guys. not anymore. all my past few r/s ended mostly due to third party. i dun wanna get into any r/s anymore. im really really tired. i think im giving up my r/s with baby too.
i dunno how to break the news to daddy n mummy. i dun wan to say until half and then jus broke into tears. daddy's long awaiting dream finally comes true. when he actually accepted him recently, yet he cheated me.
i dun wan anymore explanation. no matter how u explain i'll nv forget wad u did to me, how u cheated me. it's nv been in my family line for guys to two-time, i mean girls too but i did. i dunno how my granny will react. i think she will jus blow her top off and said many stuff like how young i m etc. ya i know im young, but im really looking for a r/s tt will turn out well, and i can get married in a few years time. i wanted my own family etc etc. i wan my granny n grandad to be present on the day of my wedding. i wanted so many things...yet, my dreams are all gone.
regarding baby, well. i dunno how im going to blog it down. but still i'll write wad i think i feel...
with me ard or not, it doesnt matter much. even if one day i left, it will mean nth to u. right?
fling is jus a fling. i dun have to tk it seriously but i've put in so much.
i felt so empty. i've return him all the jewellery. should i be hinting mum to get me some. haha. no way man. they are changing sofa soon, and there's so many things they have to pay for. i think i will jus let my bank be empty for some time so tt i can pamper myself.
tt's all. i'll not think abt it anymore. today will be the day i cry my lungs out. after tt i have to study n study already. i've to keep myself really occupied so my mind wun wonder off. bye.
11:20 PM
is it possible for me to laugh my ass off. haha. well, will go into detail.
went for my entrepreneur paper at 5pm. finish the pp fast, and know wad, vincent forgot abt the paper totally. gosh. can u believe it. haha. called him up and he was so BLUR. reminded him to get an MC, else no retake. haha.
after tt went jurong point with pearly. had andersen ice cream and den we walked ard. nth much la. saw a top i quite like but there's no white available. nvm.
bought ljs home for dinner.
and the excitement starts...
rmb the guy who stalked me home? haha. this time he stalked me AGAIN. he think im stupid, he thinks i cant recognise him, he think im a 3 year old kid. nvm. this time i wasnt alone in the lift. thanks to my sis mum. i took the lift with her as she was fetching the 3 kiddo my mum babysit. haha. so the bloody guy doesnt have the chance to stalk me. wahaa...i was laughing to myself in the lift.
as i walked out the lift, i purposely walk very very slowly. c'mon, i knew i was stalked, so i was waiting for him to overtake me, but too bad, he didnt. he was following close behind me and tt auntie was behind me too. he followed me till 11 storey and when he realise me and tt auntie was taking the same route, i turn ard to look at his fucking disappointed face. in my heart i was laughing at him.
told mum abt it. she was like 'WHAT' and she told me if in any case the guy stalked me again, called her and she'll stalked him back. she was dying to know where he stay. i was telling her he's not anyone from our block because i've been living here for nearly 14 years or maybe more, can i've nv seen this bloody prvert guy who went ard peeping under girls' skirt. i wonder how many girls he had preyed on.
now i know wad time he do this childish act. it's ard 7 plus. so this is the last time im going back at 7 plus. im not gonna let him prey on me. =)
back to studying. bye~
12:07 AM
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
i admit i was feeling down. it was after the phone call tt so-called makes me feel so unimportant, so unloved. again i didnt study much today but manage to study abit of audit n entre. wanted to start on finance but i jus dunno where to start from.
my lil bro keeps me occupied most of the time. he makes me play and run around with him. i feel so kiddy, but i really love childhood life. absolutely
no worries.
went out with mum at night to get my dad's clothes for new year. haha. didnt bought anything for myself.
back to studying. bye.
12:01 AM
Monday, January 22, 2007
darn! i slept my day away. was at dear's house, den his relative came. planned to study abit of entrepreneurship and dear's bed jus tempted me big time plus the cooling weather was somewhat best for sleeping. went into deep sleep and me drooling while sleeping. so paiseh. haha. nvm la, this isnt the first time dear watched me drool le. haha.
woke up for dinner and den con't sleeping.
ard 9pm, dear sent me home. had some quarrels just now. though we didnt resolve thru the phone but i wasnt angry anymore. lalala.
was waken up by mom early in the morning when she bought mince pork noodle for me. sleep for 6 hours and den woken up for a dry n awful noodles. haha. nvm.
i miss i miss i miss......THEM!!!!
how am i going to sleep at this hour???
12:33 AM
Sunday, January 21, 2007
wad should i write abt now...okay, tml once i wake up, i've gt to really really study for entrepreneur pps. imagine spending like 2 and a half days on a 2 credit paper, it's such a waste of time. how i hope all gems is based on proj. studying can really dampens my mood when i read all over again and not being able to understand a single bit. im not trying to say tt i'll regret because i didnt pay attention to lectures la, it's because even if i pay attention, i wun be able to understand. ha.
met dear jus now. had laksa for dinner. haha. it's been some time ever since i taste the laksa at pioneer mall. yum yum.
thing's been going on fine with me and dear. though we did quarrel over small matters, but we wun be angry with each other for long and i think i've change a lil. being less petty le. haha. anyway we talk abt our future. he says he'll start saving now. and ME TOO!! i save because i gt a lot of things to buy. haha.
anyway i strike 4D today. so happy. bought 1237 permutation i-bet. 1st prize=$83. better than nth. haha. at least cover some parts of my expenses. =) tell u,if i won like some 2000 or so, i'll definately give $100 to dear's mum to buy their new year groceries. wahaha....im dreaming. im jus so greedy.
change the song of my blog again. here's the lyrics. by a cutie 帅哥。
寄沒有地址的信
這樣的情緒
有種距離
你放著誰的歌曲
是怎樣的心情 能不能說給我聽
雨 下得好安靜 是不是你
偷偷在哭泣 幸福(它)
真的不容易 在你的背景 有我愛你
我可以 陪你去看星星
不用再多說明
我就要和你在一起
我不想
又再一次和你分離
我多麼想每一次的美麗
是因為你
1:05 AM
Saturday, January 20, 2007
i've studied abit of audit. i've no choice but to plan out a time table ytd. if not i bet audit n ff will be left untouched till the last min. well i jus couldnt focus at all. not at all. mind has been drifting away. i dun even know wad's wrong.
i didnt talk abt it yesterday. somehow dear's bro gf shorts were found in dear's closet and dear claims tt he didnt know her shorts was inside. i dunno who should i believe. it's impossible for dear's mum to open up his closet and place her shorts in because normally she jus left it on the bed. if it's not dear, den mus be she herself trying to set me up. basically she had the whole room to herself when we were having dinner, and den her bf was bathing so the next alternative will be she trying to set me up. MISSION FAILED. i realise it so too bad.
reason why i said tt it was her trying to set me up is because she stayed over on sunday night and return home on monday. if her shorts was washed by dear's mum, den most probably it will dry by tues or wed. on wed i took out my shorts to change, i didnt realise any EXTRA shorts in the closet, and ytd when i went dere it so happen tt when i was abt to go home, i realise her clothes. she's someone i'll suspect. she have a totally different mindset from others. fancy rejecting a $2000+ job when she jus finish her studies. trying to sell herself high. dear's been irritated by her because she nv fails to turn up on weekends, like she doesnt have a shelter. i was fed up too because she's always sleeping her day away instead of tidying up the room filled with dust. and im angry because im always the one cleaning the room.
the last alternative is, maybe she has a fling with dear. if tt's really the case, den let it be. haha. it's not as if no one wants me la. im still young. haha.
argh!!! i seems to get so bloody upset with lil things in life nowadays. wad's wrong with me? a lil thing can irritates me to the fullest, leaving me in deep thoughts. i've very gd imaginations so u cant blame me.
2:24 PM
shall not brood over friendship matters. i will set tt aside. =)
studied some financial accounting. was kinda tired but i cant rest because if i were to rest, i cant finish studying. on the 5th of feb, have to attend dear's cousin's wedding. wad's more, dear's mum counted me in and i have finance paper the next morning. have to start ff already and also my audit. seriously i have no interest in ff and audit. really really not interest.
dear and my bro is gonna be uncle's bestman. win already. my uncle is damn smart, he know i wun bully my bf, and so he chose him. humph.
baby called me at 6.07pm. haha. i was shocked to receive his call. chatted with him for like 9mins plus den hang up le. actually i do miss him, jus tt i dun wanna say so much here. the more i say i misses him, the more i'll miss him, so it's better to leave some words unspoken. so baby, if u gets to read this, u will know why i didnt talk much abt u. =)
im feeling hungry at this hour. dunno whether i should get some bites. im growing horizontally already, but i jus cant control my food intake.
left with flu n cough. seriously hate both of these illness.
okay, back to studying. =)
12:41 AM
Friday, January 19, 2007
was chatting on msn with kelly ytd. somehow things left me in deep thoughts. haha. well, again it's abt friendship prob. cant be bothered though. but i all i can say is to mind your own business. i hate ppl interferring in other's grp thingy and wad makes it worse is u add oil to fire. though u always appear to be neutral, appear to be so innocent, how u speaks just betrayed you.
our group conflicts is among us, it's better to stay out of our problem. wad do u really know? wad you hear is wad she says, have u heard anything from us? im not trying to say it's anyone's fault, but im jus trying to make it clear that i dun like ppl interfering in my grp's thing.
it's so bored staying home. studied a lil bit of COST again. im getting well soon. but last night i ate the calbee potato hot n spicy which make me cough like hell n now im munching on pocky. maybe wad they says is right, 以毒攻毒。 哈哈。
will be going out later to meet dear. haha.
2:58 PM
Thursday, January 18, 2007
i was kinda fed up with her. no doubt. i dunno why she became lidat. it's not the first time. maybe she really haven grown into liking this module or wad, but results seems nth to her. but for me, it's not sth to be played with. i dun care whether she's in a r/s anot, this is studies, sth so different from relationship. i dunno why she chose to forgo it because basically she wanted to go over to his hse, and so not wanting to come to sch.
well, i've done wad a fren should do. dun come crying complaining when u've lose sth so impt to u.
still i find it awkward speaking to her la. though we may seems close, but erm...well, sometimes still gt the yi jian bu he de conflict.
went to collect my phone at causeway with kelly jus now. bought another skirt at OSMOSE. haha. i like the skirt very much. =) couldnt find any more shirt, so didnt buy. had mcflurry though im sick. haha. anyway i was lucky that the changing of the lcd screen cost me only 75 bucks. lalala. can throw somemore. wahaha.
msg-ed fish, but she didnt reply. humph.
been long ever since i talked abt baby. well, guess he's enjoying life in thailand. haha. so many mei mei there to acc him. wahaa.
oh dear, i haven bought his present. like wth. i think the next time i can buy is when i gt my pay from attachment. im so broke now. sorry ar.
watching project superstar. bye.
8:21 PM
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
i was sick. no recovering after sleeping. i hate it when my nose become some stupid tap. the sore throat is causing my ears to hurt too. perhaps im jus too heaty. can blame myself only for not drinking enough water.
reached dear's place. studied a lil of COST and den i went to tk a nap. when i woke up, i felt so hot. i slept without fan and the door room was closed. but i was jus too tired and maybe my flu makes me sleepy too. when dear's mum talk to me, it's like i feel so blur. haha. den she ask me go slp somemore. haha.
cough started.
and my mum asked me to tk some flu medicine and now she's aslp and i dunno which is the flu medicine. argh!!!....hahaha.
i have to slp early tonight.
11:09 PM
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
im feeling sick. damn the flu. suddenly keep sneezing non-stop. my nose is running away. haha. duh. sore throat again. hopefully everything can be recovered by tml.
darn. waiting for the nokia care to call me, but to no avail. like wth. by tml i can collect the phone back by 1pm, dun tell me they haven touch my phone. i'll scream my lungs out. argh!!!!.....hopefully the cost dun exceed 150.
lesson today was short. walked to clementi with ching. came home bought 2 packet of fries and 1 packet of potato chips for my family. heng nv eat potato chip else my throat will get worse.
have to slp early tonight because tml have to wake up early. cant be like today whereby i slp till 10. c'mon sch reopen n yet im still in holiday mood. revision-ed on modules i like. wad m i doing. shall stop being so biased and neglect audit n ff. haha.
i miss baby and dear. hmmm...
10:42 PM
nokia 6680 was admitted into the hospital @ 1.25pm. hospitalised for 3days 2 night. haha. total amt will range from $80-$180.
went to shop ard with von at causeway point. den went in to M Store and the person there couldnt stop giving us clothes to try and den keep asking us to buy. when we say we wanna consider, her face ji tao 180 degree change. haha. wad a salegirl.
went G2000. couldnt find the size of the design we wanted so much. available size are only 13 and somemore the salesgirl still ask us not to get the grey colour because the color will fade after washing. haha. weird. nvm.
went to osmose. i bought 2 shirts and 1 pants. and von bought 1 shirt n 1 pants. tell u sth, 1 of our shirt is the same and we bought the same pants jus tt it's different sizes. muahaha.
took the train back to dover. wah to and fro is $3. haha. okay la. cheaper than taxi la. haha.
went back to sch for ITP briefing conducted by my michelle lee, my liason officer. haha. well, so my company's dress code will be office wear, pants is allowed too. mon-fri. 8.15am-5.45pm. like wad the hell. the working hours is considered LONG to me. argh!!!
past few days wl sms me. i dunno wad's gotten into him. he says he dun mind being my subsitute. there's so many better girls out dere, y wanna find someone who's attached. i hate the way he ask if im single. as if wah...like it's time for me to be single lidat. wth. there's absolutely no place for u in my heart ok.
erm...well, i dunno wad to say here. was very tired already. *yawn*
12:13 AM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
i hate myself. i definately hate myself to the fullest. i dunno wad's wrong with me nowadays. i dun usually throw phone here and there, yet today i threw my fav sony ericson on the floor and wad's next, my 6680. the whole of 6680 was GONE. lcd totally gone. i dunno how much i've to pay for repairment. i so fucking hate myself.
i felt so sorry to dear. it all started because im violent. played some stupid hide-and-seek at his area. make him run up and down with me. at first i wanted to leave him once and for all, but some to think abt it, it's actually my fault that this quarrel starts, i mus be responsible and give him a good ans. im so sorry dear. such thing will nv happen again. by the way when we quarrelled at the hdb flat, dear nearly jump down when i said i wanted to break up with him. i was stunned too, but the only words that came out of my mouth was, 'DEAR'.
from now on, i'll treasure our relationship. no matter wad i'll learn to treasure. i love u, i really do. i dun wanna be control by fate, i want to control fate. i know i can make it.
10:50 PM
suddenly the confidence jus disappear. i dunno why too. i admit i have very low self-esteem. every now and then, i jus cant stop thinking of him cheating on me. dun ask me y. even if he didnt do so, i jus cant stop imagining.
i jus hope they will accept me for who i am, and not wad i am. in another words, if they want a pretty n sexy girlfren, den forget abt me. i jus cant satisfy this criteria.
feeling so vexed abt it.
i need to study, i really need to. else my results will keep deproving until i cant even get a diploma.
1:15 PM
Saturday, January 13, 2007
i was walking ard giant pioneer mall. suddenly the familiar voice stunned me. the voice was from level 4 and i was at level 3. well, nth happen. the voice was actually ken's. the guy whom i once love, the guy whom was once with me. yet i chose to let go. he was my boss when i was working there. our relationship was a secret. no one know that we were together, well, shall not say as no one knows, is we keep denying that we are together. i thought he had moved to IMM, but it's jus so weird, i hear his voice and the missing of him jus came back. there's jus this weird feeling, the feeling of wanting to see him again, etc etc...well, so i went up to level 4. didnt see him. but well, nvm la. haha.
went to meet dear after shopping alone at pm.
did some studying. but nth could go into my head. i wanted to slp the whole day. damn the weather. so cooling. haha.
spring cleaning again, but this time was mum n dad doing it. haha. i cant be bothered because very lazy ar. haha.
shall go watch tv now. heh.
11:49 PM
dun blog here seems so weird. i've jus finish typing in my opendiary. so here i am to blog AGAIN in less than 30mins. haha.
basically today was a very sleepy day for me. dun even wan to wake up. haha. but haiz. forget it.
done with gems presentation. was kinda sad that argh!!!!....darn b*tch and b*stard. dunno why keep aiming out grp. so let it be lo. we admit we lose this time. but their no need to give such a nasty laugh la. wait till one day someone laugh at u, den u know how it feels. i mean my grp didnt even laugh at ur grp, why mus u be so nasty? may be quite true that we have many qns to ask, but asking qns during Q&A is not wrong. why act like a bitch n bastard?
forget it. shall not think so much.
done with facc tutorial.
had a lil quarrel with my boyfriend. i was so angry because it was raining quite heavily, so i ask him to fetch me frm the bus-stop, he said, 'u dun have umbrella meh, i now very busy leh' darn. go drive fren all these no prob, my one only outside his co. only, he like wan die lidat.
forget it, it's okay le.
went to get mum's silkpro product. bought hydrasoft balancer and clarifying face wash for myself too. haha. im wasting money again. argh!!!!....i cant spend too much. mus really really control control and control. ytd jus bought a shirt at 22.40. today spend 67.85. i still gt formal wear haven buy. grrr....
okay im going off le. night everyone.
12:24 AM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
went to meet dear jus now. haha. too miss him le la. wanted to study, again, no much time. now den i realise i still gt facc not done.
today's update will be a short one. dun have much time.
blogging abt dear's bro. sometimes can be very good, sometimes can be KNS. dunno wad to say. i dun quite like the way he speaks. yup. he sucks a lot at times. not forgetting, he owe ppl money still dun dare admit. wad the hell.
okay le, shall blog up till here. bye.
10:34 PM
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
i've jus finished my part for the project. feeling so tired right now. jus realised that my group's presentation will be this week, 12/1. congrats me k. it's jus so last min. thanks to jierong and zaid. both members doesnt know when we are presenting. as me pearly n vincent didnt attend last lesson, they didnt bother to take notice of the presentation.
let's not talk abt proj, it jus dampens my mood.
somehow, i realise i tends to say things without thinking. i tends to do things the way i like. well, cannot be help, i cant change. somewhat im better le. able to accept wad others says abt me etc. but wad's done cnt be undone. haha. so there will not be regrets in my life, because at least im someone direct.
tiredness all shown in my eyes. wanted to take a nap, but argh!!!....time doesnt allow.
haven been talking much abt baby. well, called him on mon nite. didnt talk much. 1 min n 30 seconds. nvm la, i didnt miss him much either. =) was too busy to even think abt him.
the only trouble im encountering now is my bridemaid gown. i dun even know where to get it. pearly suggested daniel yam and the dunno IS shop in heeren. shall tk a look after my exams. not gonna rush into it because i might put on weight etc. haha.
im so freaking tired, tired tired and more tired....
3:11 PM
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
well, before i start doing anything, i jus wanna do some blogging....
cost paper was so-call okay except for qns1. den reached home, called my uncle's gf. she asked me to go buy a gown for the bridemaid and the amt will be charged to her n my uncle and ask me to treat it as a gift from them. haha. that's so nice of her. well, that wasnt the point i wanna blog abt.
i wanna talk abt my gems project again.
okay, now since the BLOODY HELL IRRESPONSIBLE GROUP LEADER is not going to give a damn abt this f*cking proj, neither am i. i tink in the first place, we've chosen the wrong person to be the leader, he's far too IRRESPONSIBLE. fancy telling me he got work on wednesday when he himself should know that projs are left undone and have to be handed in on FRIDAY. not he cant tk leave, is he dun wanna take leave from work. am i right? c'mon, im not stupid. u and ur f*cking stupid excuses. maybe pearly would believe that u cant get leave, but NOT ME.
already very fed up le plus my bf was nagging hard at my ears. i really cnt stand him le. hold the phone until my ears and hand pain. im feeling very pek chek already and den he keeps adding on to it. sometimes having a boyfriend sucks like hell. come to think of it, i dun understand why in the first place i started out with him. he makes me so freaking hate him now, so freaking fed up with him.
i felt so messed up now.
8:17 PM
Monday, January 08, 2007
when i thought everything was okay, it wasnt. i was so fucking looking forward to meeting him on wednesday but he said he gt classes after work. i dunno whether i should believe him anot. there's too many loopholes in his lies. firstly, he said his fren driving him back, then his fren should know where he wanted to drop off at, but today, he drop off at a completely different place. secondly i've never heard him say he have any classes. so in the end he asked to meet on tues, which is a BIG NO NO for me. most probably im not meeting for the whole of this week.
actually there's no need to tell me how much i mean to u. from the way you treated me, from the way you talk and everything, i knew i was nth much to you. if lying makes u feel less guilty, then be it. if i have to always give in to ur time, den im so sorry, i cant always do that. im actually thinking of changing out meeting times to once a week. basically i've gt a warning from my dad. ytd i quarrelled with mum because of you. so since i stand no place in ur heart, we shall jus meet lesser and lesser since it doesnt matter. i dun want to be always the one initiating to meet and u expecting me to go over every public holiday. there mus really be a stop to this because i realised im clinging on too tight.
it was now den i realise someone has been monitoring me. haha. im not naming the person out la. lol.
i'll be my uncle's wife's bridemaid. im so looking forward. heex.
7:36 PM
Sunday, January 07, 2007
wasnt thinking of updating, but since im online now, i shall jus update on wad i've done today. =)
spring cleaning was the first thing i heard when i woke up. and since my bro's room gt my things, i've no choice but to help out. was cleaning the cupboard in my bro's room, threw away some unwanted stuffs. den when mum was cleaning my room, tadaa~ there goes my teddy bear. haha. mum insist on throwing it away, so shall say bye to it. haha.
after spring cleaning, was already 3pm. quickly bath and den met dear. his friends suggested going out, so we went to vivo city. walk ard and den haha, one of his fren very jialat, went into a shop to buy things also nv inform us. we didnt even realised his disappearance until we walk for some distance. duh~
den went to kopitiam for dinner. dear's fren treated us drinks and that was my 2nd cup of green apple juice. haha. anyway had a fun day though my leg hurts after walking so much. haha.
reached dear's place ard 7 plus. took a nap. was so tired that once i reached his place, i gt into bed to slp. after tt home sweet home. =)
that's all~
11:50 PM
i realise the only way i can try not to think abt baby is to keep myself occupied. haha. he's the first guy whom i felt the so-call absence. first guy who's going overseas for so long in my life. haha. near to 1 month. the last time he went was brunei, and now was thailand. sobs.
u cant blame me if i miss him too much. like he had said, our r/s is a special one. a r/s whereby it's completely different from other relationship. other couples can meet up anytime as long as each other misses one another. our relationship is far too different. no matter how much i miss him, i cant meet him. i can only keep it to my heart. there's why many a times, it's so hard for me to say 'i love you' to him.
sometimes my mind is a blank. i dun even know who i love the most. if i were to judge on a fair fair basis, i'll definately say i love andy more. reason is because he likes her more, so in order to be fair to myself, i will say i love andy more. but sometimes when i think back, there were times whereby i love baby more, or should i say i like him more. the uniqueness in this r/s somewhat confuse me between the word 'love' and 'like'. usually during texting, i'll jus use the word 'like'. is it due to the uncertainty in his feelings for me or wad? i really dunno.
no matter wad, i've to get use to the uniqueness in our relationship, ive to treasure wad i have now. i should learn to accept the simple r/s that u want. i wun expect too much from u because it's not sth that u r able to give. i understand and i will nv blame u even if u dun call or return my call. i will try to understand how busy u r, and i'll try to put myself in ur shoes.
if u gt a chance to read this, i hope u wun get angry and start calling me and ask, 'wad have u wrote' because i didnt say much. haha.
chatted with sueping for a while. thanks gal for ur encouragement. heex. i'll try my best to do well. but even if i dun, i'll not give up because like wad u've said, everything will be wasted. jiayou.
1:12 AM
Saturday, January 06, 2007
hmmm....i dunno whether i should call baby. it's like very expensive. i can cry when i get the bills. argh!!!...should i or should i not. haix...
went for dear's company chalet de BBQ @ changi resort dere. haha. the food sucks big time. and their beer sucks too...haha. was actually tired la. because i did some studying today until 1 plus when von ask me to call her. chatted for ard 2 hours. haha. den after that went to look for dear and den to pioneer mall and den to his chalet.
somehow i realise wad ODians said was right. if she wanna flare up abt such a trivial matter den the whole company will eventually go bankrupt because if she bought something frm that particular brand that means others also cnt use le . and if she thinks that ppl wanna imitate her, wanna copy her, then she's all wrong. so stop insulting ppl indirectly. you r not some pretty bitches whereby ppl will tk notice.
10:34 PM
Friday, January 05, 2007
我们又吵架了。有想过这样吵不如不要再在一起了，可是有很多东西根本没有外人能了解。心里其实有很多说不出的不开心，也不懂要怎么写出来。我不想再哭了，所以一直忍着泪。忍得很辛苦。
也不懂为什么最近脾气很暴躁，动不动就丢东西，动不动就咬人。觉得和每个人都过意不去的。 丢了东西后，心里会比较舒服。
i wanna complain abt my gems grp. i dunno wad jierong n zaid did la. i completely dunno how im gonna change everything. i mean it's pretty unfair if vin, pearly n me have to sort of re-do. because for the first proj, they didnt help out much, and also didnt really meet up tt often. now...we've done the questionnaire le, but...haix....i really dunno la. so freaking pek chek. 12 jan mus hand in report. ARGH!!!
ok i think i should try to touch up on that proj. else cnt send pearly. =)
11:19 PM
太迟了。哈哈。当我起床时打了电话给他时，他已经把手机关了。应该是上了飞机吧。早上醒来就很想念他了。也不知道为什么。
昨天他读了我的博客，然后打了电话给我。也警告我不能这样说他了。我知道我不应该这样说，可是这些真的是我所感觉到的。我知道我们的感情和平凡人的感情不同，所以我不能那么自私。
听他说了那番话后，很伤心。眼泪也再也忍不住了。可是却一直逼自己笑，装着若无其事。我也不想去想我们的关系有多特别，因为这也只能带给我更多的不愉快。
我会试着去接受这个特别的感情，也不会要求太多的。像你所说的，只能少见面，要多都没有。你都这样说了，我还能说些什么？
我想我也不会把一切的feelings写进博客里，因为他不喜欢我这么做。也说他不会再向之前那么心平气和的跟我解释了。可能有些东西放在心里会比较好吧，可以避免一些不必要得争执。
好了，该去读书了。=）
12:12 PM
Thursday, January 04, 2007
it's only 6 hours. can u imagine??? im starting to miss him, starting to imagine how my life will be like for the next 1 mth plus. argh!!! it jus feels terrible. if i've known earlier, i wouldnt have met up with him in the morning. makes me feel so sad now.
i love the hug.
i miss his kiss.
i miss biting him.
i miss holding his hand.
i miss so many so many things abt him.
he makes me confuse.
he makes me sad.
he makes me cry.
he makes me upset.
he makes me miss him like hell.
he's not good.
he makes me suffer.
很爱很爱他。
11:17 PM
met up with baby. this morning was sleeping soundly, den my phone rang. woke up and den chatted a while with him. force myself up and den went to bath. met baby ard 11am at cityhall. somebody need polish his car, den gt no choice bt to tk a cab down to meet me. haha.
was walking ard. keeps yawning. so sry man, not tt go out with u boring baby, is because IM REALLY REALLY TIRED. haha. went to suntec, didnt see ching, den went marina square that time saw ching. haha. she looks so serious working. cant believe. muahaha.
tml baby will be flying off to thailand in the morning le. today was the last day to see him. after that 1 mth plus later then get to see him. actually i know i'll miss him like hell, i know i cant concentrate when im thinking of him...haix. i did say before in my previous entry abt the relationship between me n him. but haha, he hasnt forgotten me la. hmmm....
actually there was some qns in my mind i really wanna ask him...but well, forget it, shall wait till he's back from thailand. that 1 month plus sounds so long for me. but i know if i keeps looking forward to exam and den to attachment, time will past really fast.
already passed baby his christmas present. heex. now left with his bluetooth set. shall shop for it when i gt the time. but definately not now. because firstly, i cant pass it to him, secondly there's so many things i've to get for myself.
didnt study today AGAIN. haha. forget it. tml i really have to SIT DOWN and start some bits.
will have to slp early tonight because tml morning i've to wake up early to msg my dear baby bon voyage. heex. i miss him, i really do.
9:55 PM
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
hmmm...went sakae with ching, von and kelly at tiong bahru plaza. all 3 were late and den so fooking suay that a guy happen to walk past me and ask for my no. or should i say he u-turn back jus to get my no. CRAZY HORNY GUY....still ask if i go clubbing. surely gt some bad intention up in his fooking pervertic mind. after sakae-ing, we went to G2000 to look for formal wear. bought none. haha. den shop ard, and den took some neoprints. =)
IT'S NICE. haha...i really enjoy hanging out with them. so much laughter etc.
den went to try on a tube dress, i quite like it but den....too many dress also not good because i seldom wear them out. so forget abt it le.
left tiong bahru at 8.30pm.
had my bowl of cup noodles. haha. im still hungry no doubt. the buffet ended like 3 hours ago. haha. shall upload if i feel like doing so. heex.
10:37 PM
