Tuesday, December 19, 2006
okay, im done with the skin. cant find any nicer skin so no choice man. haha. put do with this for the time being. haha.
anyway last night was the last time i get to meet baby. because his gf is coming on fri. boo hoo. 1 week plus cnt see him. sad. haix. i mus get use to everything. because im afterall a
pirated one. haha. the meeting up last night wasnt a happy one for me la. im dun tink i'll mention wad exactly happen because i dun feel like recalling. wo ku er bu shi ying wei ni shuo jiao wo zhuo de yi qie, er shi ni dui wo shuo hua de yu qi.
wo bing bu shi ni de chu qi tong, wei she me yao ba qi chu zai wo de sheng shang
zao zhi dao ni hui zhe yang dui wo, dang wan jiu bu yao jian mian le.
wo bu xiang zai ni mian qian luo lei, rang ni kan dao wo zui cui luo de yi mian,
dan shi wo zhen de ren bu zu le.
ren de ren nai xing zhong you yi ge xian du.
wo geng beng wu fa kong zhi zi ji de qing xu.
na wan de yan lei, dui wo lai shuo shi duo mo de zheng gui.
bu guan ni zhe yang shang hai wo, wo yi ran hai shi ai ni de.
love me, kiss me
the 2 freakos
my grp of gals and me playig with teacher's handbag
will upload baby's photo tml only if he agrees. haha. dun wanna get a scolding from him later on.
7:27 PM
the only word to describe last night was 'SHIOK'.
basically this is the first time i get to spend the night outside with my poly friends. haha. it's great. went kbox with kelly, ching and von.
no voice le. we gt so bloody high till we stood on the seats. haha.
woke up at 5plus pm when my sis woke me up for dinner.
anyway im thinking of changing blogskin again because apparently, this skin is without archives. haha. will upload pics when im done with the blogskin. haha.
met up with baby last night. suppose to pass him the genting thing den forgot. haha. made him go up with me to sj hse. and he's a lu chi. haha. mr get lost in singapore. lol. okay la, dun say u until lidat. humph.
go look for skin le
6:00 PM
Monday, December 18, 2006
im not gonna think too much. ming tian hui geng hao. haha. so today is a happy day for me. not gonna let unhappiness fulfill me.
change my blog skin again. this is a much more better skin than the past previous skin. haha.
last night chatted with baby until 2 plus. haha. miss his voice.
woken by dad. to look after my bro. argh!!..it's only 8plus. forget it. haha. may be going back to slp later. lalala.
since the starting of the holiday, i realise i didnt do anything relating to studies. woah~ it's so weird. there's so many things to do, yet i haven even start. gonna start soon. but most importantly, i get to enjoy this holiday. if not there's really no way when sch reopen.
im on diet. hehe.
bye~
9:52 AM
Sunday, December 17, 2006
i hate everything. i wanna be single. i very much hated being attached to a guy who may jus killed me anytime anywhere. i've enough. i've lost so much face in front of his family. he's not gonna be my future partner.
wo hen tao yan ta.
jin tian de wo hen bu kai xin. dui hen duo shi qing tou hen bu fu qi. ta dao di yao pian wo dao she mo shi hou? im not stupid. ke nen dan chu xuan cuo le dui xiang. ta bu shi wo yao zao de ren.
i've chosen the wrong guy in the past which left me living in hell.
i need a break. i dun wan him in my life. everytime when quarrel starts, he'll link to money issue. he'll start saying im together with him because of his money. c'mon, when i started out with him, he's jobless, no money, no looks, nth at all. i still chose him. i gt so many better choices. now, he wanna say im together with him because of money, i gt nth to say. ask my father return him the expenses then. already say hao le, things i wan, i pay myself. didnt i make it clear? u r the one who wanted to pay for my expenses, now u r saying i spend ur money. forget it. i can return every single dollars, every single cents. any amt u state it.
wo hen lei le.
when i said i wanted to go for my fren birthday celebration, ni bu gao xing.
i dun wanna continue....
10:06 PM
chatted with him for awhile.
everything seems okay on the outside, but i guess he wasnt feeling happy deep down. request to be back to slp. i have no rights to stop him la. haa. let him be.
trying so hard to remain laughing. around my eyes were tears that were threatening to drop. bu kai xin. hen bu kai xin. he make me tell him how i feel. wo shuo le. ke shi ta de sheng ying ting qi lai hen bu kai xin. wo de cuo.
after the phone call, i broke down. no shoulders to rely on, but my pillow. ren le ji tian ji ye de yan lei zhong yu gt it's freedom. wo bu kai xin.
1:20 PM
there were so many words left unspoken. i really dunno how to start. maybe all along i dun understand u at all. i've learnt but i really dun think im able to understand. ur perspective of everything seems to differ from mine. the way u handle things is so different from me. maybe it's the age gap. maybe this, maybe that. who knows?
when u say this, u didnt do it at all. maybe i was jus too naive to believe every lil things u say. ya, im naive. im jus a plain 18 yr old teenager. wad do i understand abt love. pure childish-ness. pure ignorance. pure stupidity. ha.
i did mention in my entry on 2dec that im not someone u can happily fool ard with. sometimes i wanted to tell u straight in the face on how i feel but it's so hard to find the time, besides that i dun even have the guts to say it infront of u. afraid that u might be angry with me, afraid that u might jus ignore me.
i really love the song i placed in my blog, but somehow this is not sth which i feel. im changing songs again.
i dunno how to describe my feelings. somehow i wanna be alone. there's so much i wan to think over. so much things i regret saying in the past.
yet another emo me.
mixed feelings.
i hate everythings ard me.
things will never be the same again.
11:08 AM
Saturday, December 16, 2006
sometimes things are jus so hard to predict.
this may be a lengthy entry.
last night wasnt a happy one for me. maybe because too many things happen, yet im trying hard to smile. i dun wan to but ive no choice. already tried so if it doesnt work, dun blame me.
didnt really go into details of things last entry. actually i dunno how im gonna put it. wanted so much to explain it in chi, but somehow i didnt insert the chi thingy in my lappy. so forget it. gonna put it in eng den.
i dunno whether i should be jealous or should i envy her. i really dunno. when we are out, he tends to think of their wedding etc. as if i dun exist. im not the bride, so dun bring me along if u r doing things for her. it's like last week when we went out. again is for their tour thingy. brought me in, and den make phone calls to her. i dunno wad impression i've given the assistant. a spoiler or a wad-so-ever. i really dunno. im not blaming u or wad, but sometimes please spare a thought for my feelings. wad will ppl think of me.
i thought abt it for the whole night. well, i cant do anything because afterall im jus a nobody to u. that's why even though i miss u like crazy, i stop myself from msg-ing u, i stop myself from revealing to u how much i miss you. because i know no matter how much i miss you, i dun get the sme treatment back. u'll jus receive it and then do nth at all. and that's also the reason why sometimes i can even dun sms u or call u for the whole day. ying(4) wei(4) ni(3) de(4) bu(4) zai(4) hu(1), shi(2) wo(3) bu(4) xiang(3) zai(4) fu(4) chu(1) le(4).
went to look for granny in the morning. im not suppose to go in the morning, because very early, and im left with nth to do at granny's place. at first baby told me he will meet me to get from me the tour thingy, so i decided to go to granny's place early. called n called. he didnt pick. i didnt know he didnt go for work. i thought sth bad happen. he make me so worried, i almost went berserk. was controlling my tears at granny's place. on the way to jurong point, still never pick my call, almost broke down in the bus. like wth. ard 5plus den he woke up. thank god. he sleep till so late.
hmmm...nvm, anyway i shouldnt be the one being so worried. it's not as if he know how worried i am. humph.
anyway went for dear's colleague wedding dinner. for malays so is held at void deck. haha. his bunch of crappy fren. lol. ask us to go sit at the groom and the brides seat. lame sia. haha. den the next person ask us when we getting married. haha. still not so early man. mus wait till financially stable, etc etc...den we will get married. lol. getting married is not that easy. nowadays there's so many married couples getting divorce, so it's better to be tgt for like 5 years or so den get married. haha. that's for me la. lol. i dun wanna end up everyday quarrelling for nth. if this is wad i get after marriage, i rather be single. lol.
let's not talk abt marriage.
im still young. haha. dun wanna get tied down by unnecessary stuff. bleah.
holidays are here.....ENJOY.....
10:03 PM
Friday, December 15, 2006
didnt update ytd. was too tired so went to sleep.
i've change the song in my blog. was too tired of sad song. but this song will be jus for awhile only la. haha. will change it in a few days time.
ITP placement was out. i wasnt very happy with it because i seems to be the only one at the firm. being treated as cheap labour. chatted with edmond abt it. ya, that's life, we have to accept the fate la. 'ren dou shi xian shi de' wad to do. jus give ur best.
at first very excited but not now le. i dread for it to come. told baby i dun wanna work. i hate the location. dun ask me why. somehow the co. dun even interest me. i rather go be a waitress man.
met up with baby ard 2pm. pon gems and lecture. went to suntec to shop ard. haha. he claims that i dun seem to miss him at all. haha. that silly guy. missing someone doesnt have to prove it verbally. because to me, even if i tell u how much i miss u, u cant do anything. u can only reply with, 'oh, uh, okay' that's why i rather keep things to myself from now on, rather than msg-ing/texting everything down and send it to u or show it out infront of you.
went to look for dear after that. work till 9pm. didnt have my dinner. reached home then heng mummy say still gt some leftover noodles, else i'll die from hunger. haha.
*yawn*
10:11 PM
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
im trying to be very calm already, so please forgive me if any f words come out of my mouth.
wad makes me so angry was my freaking greedy bro took my hershey choc which baby bought for me. so happily eating. LIKE I NV INFORM HIM NOT TO TOUCH THAT CHOC. HE HAD ASK FOR THAT CHOC AND I TOLD HIM NO. FUCKER. I DUN EVEN BEAR TO EAT IT AND HE CAN JUS FUCKINGLY EAT IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. I DUNNO WHEN CAN HE START ASKING PERMISSION TO TAKE ME STUFF. USUALLY MY STUFF ENDED UP SITTING IN HIS TABLE ALL THE TIME. MEANING HE TOOK MY THINGS WITHOUT RETURNING BACK, EVEN IF HE DOES HE CAN JUS FREAKINGLY MESS UP MY TABLE. IM GOING TO KEEP BABY'S CHOC AWAY FROM HIS FUCKING MOUTH.
i hate to repeat wad i say. if i say no means no. there's no way u can make it yes. bloody ass-hole. earn so much every month dunno spend the money on wad. cant even afford choc. wadever choc i brought back or bought back u also wan a share. im not earning any income yet im not so fucking stingy, u didnt even buy any choc or tidbits home but u contributed by eating them away. fucker. eat so much of my nougat and i didnt say anything but now that u've eaten the choc that baby bought let me tell u, 'IM NOT TALKING TO YOU FOR FREAKING 1 MONTH'
greedy bastard.
anyway back to normal entry, went shopping with collen and yvonne. bought a flesh imp tee for dear, a dress and an off shoulder top for myself. and also shop for pearly's present. haha. was quite tired. and i hate trying on dress because i've to undress for the top n the bottom. mafan~
im planning to sleep early. hehe. night~
11:39 PM
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
finally facc done. was okay la. haha. much better than ytd's tax.
quite tired. there's so many r=tutorials left undone. im still considering whether i wanna do the tutorial. scared cnt catch up. haha. but part of me wanna enjoy.
hate staying at home. i hope my holidays will be pack because i really really hate staying at home. i'll get all frustrated and irritated by things and then start to throw tantrum at my family members. haha.
period came. heng im prepared else will die lo. lol.
okay la, guess shall end here. haha.
7:56 PM
Monday, December 11, 2006
NIGHTMARES!!!....
well, i really dunno how im going to start. seems to traumatise me for quite some time.
was on my way home, reached my void deck was talking to dear and as i stepped into the lift, there was another guy coming by. he entered the lift, and when i asked him which floor, he jus point to the level i pressed. so i thought maybe he's alighting at 11th storey.
i stepped out of the lift (already ended my call with dear), as he was the first to step out, i dunno did his phone rang or was he jus pretending, he took a step back, allowing me to go first. followed me. somehow i sense sth wrong, so i keep turning ard, as if looking out of the corridor, so afraid that there might be someone who's going to rob me or wad.
nth happen. turn towards my unit, took the stairs down and after awhile he overtook me. weird. normally people wun overtk someone on the stairs. worse of all, i've never seen him before menaning he dun stay at my blk. it's as if someone opposite was looking over n talking over the phone with him. as he overtook me, his eyes keeps turning up, trying to peek under my skirt, i stared at him everytime he looked up. helpless as i was, i cant do anything. i dun dare tell dear abt it. if i were to tell him, i wun get a chance to wear any skirts.
i feel so uncomfortable. did tell baby abt the incident because actually im supposed to pass him his genting tour thingy tonight, so i told him i dun have any more guts to go down at this hour. IM SO SORRY.
i feel so insulted, so angry so fucked up with him, so dirty. if i were to see him again, i will definately kick his cock hard and make him an eunuch.
i feel like crying.why does it happen to me??? for the past 14 years i stayed here, nth happen. i hate all the damn bloody fucking guys who's so pervert. all you tink was ur own desire, nv care bt the feelings of gals. get a life, geylang is open for u. if u wanna peep at ppl under their skirt or wad so ever, go do it in geylang dun do it outside ppl's flat. sicko.
i dun wanna go out, i dun wanna stay out late. i dun wanna go anywhere. home is still the safest place.
i dunno how to tell dear. i dun wanna stay at his hse on wed until 9pm. i dun dare to go home. it's only 7.15 and such thing happen to me today, let alone 9. i dun wan i dun wan i dun wan.
i've to make do with shorts and jeans for this few days.
taxation today was a killer. i dunno how im gonna flunk hard at it.
after tml's facc, i can relax abit le. haha.
still unhappy abt certain things. i dunno why, somehow all u think of was for urself to be happy, u neglected my feelings. u msg when u need me, and ignore me when ur belongings finally gt back to u.
wo bu hui zai fu chu ren he dong xi le.
10:45 PM
again, i feel that im being abandon again. dun wanna explain, dun wanna go into details. im tired of repeating. jus that i believe if i dun blog this down, there's no way i can get to slp.
quite tired. tired of everything ard me. hating every single soul.
let me jus make it clear, accept me for who i am, and not wad i am. i dun change because of wad ppl thinks of me. if i have to change for them, im not myself. when i dun smile to strangers, it means that i DON'T KNOW THEM. dun make it sounds like i have to smile to every single one out dere. DUN COMPARE ME WITH OTHERS. I SIMPLY HATES IT. it's not like u ppl ever chat wit me, exchange any conversation with me. well maybe those who know me well understand wad kind of person i am. i may give ppl an 'ah lian' impression, but if u knoe me well, im not. i know that if i dun smile, it looks as if im pulling a long face, let me declare IM NOT. i dun think i should smile to ppl like you. i hate your character, i hate everything abt u. u urself can pull a long face in front of ppl, why cant i? i jus dun smile when im alone. i like to daydream i like to let my thoughts wonder. i wun let anyone or anything interfere my dream. DO YOU PPL GET IT? when i walk, i feel that im the only one on the pathway or road, i didnt take it as if u ppl exist. i dunno u ppl that's why i dun smile. for ur info, i dun like to be like a stupid fool smiling everywhere i go. jus accept me, if not dun bother me. im not getting into ur ways, so dun step on my tail, else i will make life difficult for u.
i jus fucking hate this world and everyone.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
12:21 AM
Sunday, December 10, 2006
supposed to be studying at dear's place. yet, im busy watching tv and den a few mins later i fell aslp til 9 plus. wanted to watch i not stupid 2 on channel 8 but when i woke up, it's time to go home. haix.
saw kasim at pioneer mall today. he wished me happy birthday and den wanna smack me 18 times. because that's wad i do to him 2 years back, but heng i ran off. bleah.
miss baby so much. boo hoo. actually today gt chance to meet him, but his meeting ended late, so no chance le. sad. but dunno why when he msg me to tell me, i sounded like nth happen. like it's okay for not meeting him, but deep down i know im kinda sad.
i hate studying~
12:00 AM
Saturday, December 09, 2006
im supposed to be studying right now but...haha...again, i couldnt concentrate. was far too tired. i wish i can sleep without worries. like ive said i hate the schedules. haix. even when im out to enjoy on my birthday, i tink of the test coming up. like what the hell, i should be enjoying but instead im worrying on how im gonna study for my papers. life's so stress in s'pore.
main worry will be taxation.
was shopping online. haha. so farnie. even if the accessories or clothes catch my attention i doubt i'll get it from them. saw many cute and pretty stuff...haha.
dear was posted to bukit batok. haha. keeps complaining to me. duh. but there gt female supervisor so i doubt it'll be boring for him. jus tt dunno why he keeps complaining it's so busy etc etc...maybe trying to cover up sth. haha. somehow i cant be bothered. because if not frm baby, i wouldnt know that he complained to him abt my behaviour. like wth. he himself told me he keeps everything to himself, but yet, it's otherwise. when i confronted him (but not that obvious that it was said by baby la) he says he didnt. so let it be. anyway it's not like i didnt lie to him b4 la.
daddy's gonna visit granny later. feel like following but then...haix...still have to meet dear. dunno why recently i dread meeting him. sometimes i really wish to be single again. maybe because im attached for 1 and a 1/2 years straight, that's why i miss single life. cant go clubbing cant go out with my frens w/o his approval etc. anyway even if i wanna go clubbing, mummy n daddy would definately say 'NO'. haix...still 18. wad to do. 3 more years to be free from restriction. haha.
back to studying facc. this time really mus concentrate le. else tues paper gone case.
2:10 PM
Friday, December 08, 2006
firstly i wanna thank ching, kelly, von, sze, edmond and seelian for the birthday present. it consists of van houtten semi sweet choc, guylian and lastly merci. thanks. next will be pearly, for the nail polish from red earth and the birthday cards. hmmm...and thanks in advance to collen. haha. she wanna pass me the present but i dun have time to meet her. sorry gal. pictures will be uploaded if i have the time
kinda tired in the morning. dun feel like going to sch at all. last night chatted with baby till 2 plus. anyway wl msg me today. like all of a sudden. i wasnt expecting his msg. somehow all those hints i drop dun seems to be able to work on him. mus tell him directly man. duh.
i really hate the test schedules. haix. next week will be ca2 for tax and facc. tax doesnt sound easy to me. tommy even say there might be failures. darn.
was on the way home and felt a sudden pain in my head. feel so uncomfortable. maybe next time i should jus stay at the lower deck of the bus. met a strange guy who ask me for $2 for food. actually he's not weird, he's someone i knew frm giant last time. in n out of institute of mental health. he can pay for cigarettes but not food. weird hor. siao one.
shall end here. back to mugging.
11:16 PM
Thursday, December 07, 2006
hmmm...in the morning, had 2 eggs with mee sua. i think so la. dunno wad is it called. haha. papa ask mama to cook for me de. very very full. after that had cake. yummy yummy.
after the celebration at home, proceed to dear's place. eyes was still swollen, so wasnt in a very gd mood actually. kinda pek chek with everything ard me. slept the morning away at dear's place, den woke up ard 11am, went to have lunch and den headed to vivo for a movie. watched cinderella. dere wasnt any screenings on 9:56 n colic. so forget abt it. nice n scary show.
after the movie, walked ard vivo. after that headed to bugis. shop ard until my legs give up. cab back to jurong. spent ard 35 bucks on cab. firstly to vivo, next to bugis, and lastly to jurong. haha.
quite enjoyable but my stupid bloody eyes is giving me lots of trouble. im so afraid i'll jus lost my sight. shall end here. there's lots of revision to be done.
10:25 PM
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
dear gt the leave. so happy. haha. so tml i wun be going to sch le. having celebration tml morning at home. haha. cant wait le. bleah.
dear gt the leave but he gt prob getting the car from TERRENCE...boo hoo!!!....actually can borrow frm my father but then my dad dunno that i pon sch tml, den haix. sad u know. forget it man, shall take public transport but most probably i'll suggest cab ba.
eyes very sore. sth went in and like there's no way i can get it out.
was feeling kinda f*** up...dunno why. haix.
tired...us study for test, mus do tutorial. but somehow im kinda looking forward for the ITP. haha. dunno why....sounds exciting.
went to T10 with ching, von n kelly. funny thing was they thought there was arcade there but when we ask the Person-in-charge, she was like saying: 'ARCADE! no there's only gaming area' like wth...so bloody rude lo....
after that went to the arcade at guild house. play for awhile den back for the ITP briefing.
my poor bro~haha...love him to bits.
taken at guild's toilet
the 4 gals...nth better to do
at MUSEUM...haha
11:42 PM
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
very very sad....everything planned jus have to be cancelled off...
not meeting dear on thurs. again a lonely birthday. no baby's company no dear's company. he wanted to take leave on thurs, it was not apporoved. so most probably im not meeting him tml and neither thurs. somehow like wad i've mention in my previous entry, it's as im leading a single life. like my boyfriend dun exist. like only my family will be dere for me all the time. maybe he has a change of heart or wad, i dunno. somehow im really tired of this r/s. in both r/s, im always the one taking initiative. no one plans programs for me, afterall im the only one planning it. and yet, everytime it has to be cancelled off.
no present from dear. i dun expect much from him. not now anymore. because my heart for him is DEAD. was very sad now. after he broke the news that he cant celebrate my birthday with me, i dunno why tears jus keep flowing down. our 18 months together falls on my birthday. he dun make any effort to plead with his supervisor. it's as if the 18 mths and my birthday means nth to him at all.
mus really thank mummy for celebrating my birthday for me, and dad insist that mum cooks sth nice. though they haven celebrate it for me, mummy has ordered the cake. she's so much better than dear. he dun give me any cakes, no present for me nth at all. i cant even own him for 1 day. everytime it's either his family or work. i really wonder where i stand.
very much regret not attending my sec sch chalet.
the best memories for my birthday celebration was when brandon, lianzhen, wan chuen, joanna, jun wei, zeng ye, collen and some strangers celebrated my 16th birthday 2 years back. i still miss the time. the surprises they gave me touched me deep down. at least i once enjoyed. i should be glad.
i was still telling mummy that my bf will celebrate my birthday for me on thurs, but everything can only happen in the dream. she gt no choice but to celebrate my birthday on wed. now im super free on thurs, no dates, nth.
now i finally realise only my family will be there for me. celebrating my birthday for me, getting me the things i love and many more...
a sad day ahead.
i will never look forward to my birthday. it's jus an ordinary day for me.
5:52 PM
Monday, December 04, 2006
hmmm...really dunno wad to update.
last night slept at 4am. was talking to baby. dun feel like waking up when my alarm went off but when i tink of wad time baby's gonna wake up, den i jus pull myself up from bed. but that kuku woke up at 8 plus. he sleep longer than me when he should like wake up at 6.30. humph.
missing baby so much. dunno wad he doing now. -bored-
took an afternoon nap.
well i was kinda angry with her. dunno why. im not mentioning it here la. but somehow i did tell dear n baby. haha.
i hate the schedules. really hate it real lots. suddenly feel kinda stress in this sch. never ending test or proj. it's always either one that keeps us busy.
anyway im not attending sch on thurs. haha. gonna pon sch. wanna catch either colic or 9.56 horror movie. hmmm...off...bye
9:06 PM
Sunday, December 03, 2006
jus a short entry. hopefully i wun type till i forgot how long. haha.
my lunch. haha.
went to find dear jus now. after that went to look for baby. thanks for ur 'mei liang xin' de present. haha. actually today also nv go find baby. today actually is go bugis one, but then haiz...no parking lots, so no choice have to go find him. can see cannot touch. sucks big time. dun xiang wai, i mean cannot hug him or wad.
the perfume baby gave me. IT WAS NOT WRAP.
no sincerity. bleah.anyway i sort of tell wl dat it's quite impossible for us to be together even if im single. so hopefully from now on he wun sms me le because he tell me he will try not to msg me le. haha. but i still have to thank him for liking me so much, for carrying so much hope even though i rejected him quite a no. of times and also mus apologise to him for being so harsh. i know it hurts but we can nv be together. i dun wanna be a 3 timer. break record. haha. my heart can only contain my family, dear and baby. no one else. =)
10:28 PM
dunno wad supernatural power i have to make him go crazy abt me. i really run out of ideas to reject him. i felt stalked.
as mention earlier, dar and i went to pm mac to buy mac. after a while, wl sms me, asking me if i've went to pm earlier on. didnt bother to reply him.
next, at night: (jus some random conversation)
wl: haha, this gal not nice leh. lol. u look better. haha, jus now u go where?
me: nv go where la. rot at home.
wl: at ur bf house ar, i bothering u is it?
me: ya at his hse. now at home.
wl: no2 very sweet! wah i want a gf!
me: go find a gf lo
wl: haha, very hard to find a gal like u ma. i told u i xi huan ni you reject me.
me: lol. but prob is u dun really know me how can xi huan me?
wl: haha, chemistry! ya. u let me c le feel like protecting u. ya. haiz.
me: haha. okay.
wl: lolx. wat okay. u okay but u dun wan me =( haha ya lor. ur bf handsome?
me: nope why?
wl: hmmm u like wat type of guy? haha.
me: dunno how to explain. haha.
wl: lol i realli like u leh haha. hmm can i hav a date with u or wad? if i give up i tink i will regret haha.
me: er eh haha. wad do u tink?
wl: hmmm wad u mean? i tink u nt interested in me at all haha. u gt how many bf b4?
me: 9 lo. haha. cannot bei pan my bf
wl: wah so many ar? haha. u like to flirt ar. i onli gt 2 gf b4. hmmm i like u leh.
me: not flirt lo. lol. i though tat time u tell me u only gt 1 gf?
wl: 1 is official de the other 1 is she cheat me lo. hmmmm i also dunno leh hope can have a relationship with u. ya i dunt mind u gt bf. cox u realli very cute. haha. u gt 2 time or have fling b4 mah?
me: eh not very nice lehx. let nature takes it's own course ba. im going to slp le. nite.
wl: hmmm lidat very sad leh... or u tell me wat should i do lor.
the whole conversation jus ended here because i really dunno wad to reply him.
so for no reason 'u' are angry with me. maybe im at fault because the way i reply sucks big time. my words contain thorns. but aint wad i say the truth? u always say that but u didnt do it. so there's no difference whether it happens or not. am i wrong in saying that? y be so cold towards me? im jus speaking the fact.
maybe im wrong.
SORRY.
bye.
10:18 AM
Saturday, December 02, 2006
always giving in to you and not getting flared up with you is becos i love you and dont wanna lose you. but that doesnt mean im stupid and that im someone you can happily fool around with.
11:26 PM
hmmm....another misunderstanding. blame me for being unreasonable. wadever it is, everything is okay now. =)
met dear jus now. he make me wait for ard 45 mins at his area. he go outside and drive his fren back. duh. but at least he still apologise. haha. mac for dinner. so damn full till now. haha. eyes quite pain. dunno going to swollen or wad. mus be because fri i was laughing at ching, den now become my turn le. boo!
chatted a lil with baby. real little. life's not fair.
lunch with mom. dunno why today she suddenly jio me out. bought lots of tidbits and mum is shock from the way i buy tidbits. haha. after lunch go look for her dress, after tt went to look for make-up remover. the assistant actually recommended a collagen one, price is reasonable, but i dunno why i jus didnt buy. if buy is mummy pay, but argh!!!.....dun say le, im s
o stupid. i went to sasa and bought:
dunno wad's wrong with my heals too. damn pain. i hate it. consequences of wearing heels. damn it. and till now i realise my face are growing with PIMPLES. wad's wrong!!!! it never happens when i eat choc, doesnt happen when i take heaty food, but why NOW ??? pre-menstrual syndrome? but the most i gt is 1-2 pimples but now was like....argh!!!!...i feel so ugly.
bye~
10:38 PM
Friday, December 01, 2006
i dunno wad to say. too sad to say anything, to make any comments.
i dun wanna contact him, but somehow i couldnt resist. maybe i should jus switch off my phone. u keep telling me u will call me back but u didnt. in fact i was the one who called u back. did i ever come across ur mind.
quarrelled with andy in the evening. still it left me crying. didnt i say i was tired of crying? how many times mus u ppl hurt me, how many times do u wan me to cry. actually things werent that bad, jus that when i thought of how each guys treat me, tears jus keeps flowing, i jus let go everything. sometimes i dun even know why im living here. why do i exist. every guy who wanted to be with me will treat me nicely, sweet talk etc, n when they finally got me, they treat me like shit, like i dun exist, like im a rubbish.
they r not worth my tears.
right now i finally realise who loves me more, who treasures me the most, who will never give up on me. that's dear. he gave me a kiss after his bath when he found me in bed crying profusely. he coax me whenever we quarrel, he make me realised my importance in his life, he told me he will nv give up this r/s. he gave me the greatest hug. thanks dearie. i'll treasure our relationship.
abt him, i really dunno wad i should say. i rather he's still in brunei now. dun ask me why. i admit im so naive to believe wadever he says. so now i deserve such treatment from him. his cold attitude, and everything. i really should stop myself from taking the initiative because I'VE NEVER EXIST IN HIS HEART, NEVER EXIST IN HIS LIFE AND EVERYTHING ELSE. im jus a spare tyre.
i gotta be strong. guys are not worth my tears. he's living so happily w/o me, so like wad he says, i should live happier.
though it's nv easy, i gotta try. the smile that i used to have will not be back so soon. but i believe it will recover one day.
11:34 PM
