Sunday, October 29, 2006
upset with my family. always touching my things, take my things, eat my things without my permission. if some thing are meant to be put in a room, den dun touch. some kind of respect also dun have. if things are to be shared, it will be place in the living room or kitchen. get it clear? stop rummaging thru my stuff, etc. it's irritating.
maybe i think too much. i didnt put in anymore hopes. like wad i've told pearly. everything may be jus a dream or a fairy-tale.
went to watch 'diary' with dear. rushing like mad and when we reached there, the show started like 15mins late. wth. wasnt tt interesting. waste of money. NC16, and the usher demanded to check my ic. diaoz. maybe they should check during the purchasing of the tickets la. lol.
ljs for dinner. after tt home sweet home. had some quarrel, n den reach home another quarrel which left me in tears. upset with his attitude. argh!!! let's not talk abt it. dampens my mood.
was disturbed my some indian men loitering ard my void deck. fucker.
mid session test is jus a few weeks away. haiz. dunno whether can survive anot.
11:17 PM
Saturday, October 28, 2006
sad. i dun have to stay up waiting for his call, his sms. because he will not be back today. i tried not to think, tried not to put in too much hope. now dun need try le, i wun i wun i wun.
you asked me to wait for your return. i did as told. u told me to treat him nicely so he wun suspect, i did that too. you told me to study hard so tt when u r back, we can go out often. i did as told too. so wad did i get in return? nth of tt sort. u were jus saying it to make me happy. u make me happy, u make me sad. when u were enjoying urself in taiwan, i was suffering in spore. have i ever pop into ur mind during ur stay in taiwan, i doubt so. not even 1 sms, not even 1 call. i give up.
went heeren with my grp mates. interview NewUrbanMale boss. after tt went to buy their products. i bought a singlet which cost 59.90 but with a 20% discount. wahaha. wanted to buy a flip flop but somehow i jus dun really wear it, so forget abt it. bought a tee from fresh imp. den went to have our lunch at 4pm. see, shop until forgot to eat. lol. but i wasnt hungry.
poor pearly, have to hear me rant. rant abt whether HE will be back today, rant whether HE will remember me etc. so it was all a dream all along. forget it, im not gonna talk abt it anymore.
so p, i believe u are so darn happy right now??? but too bad, it didnt really affect me. boo.
10:57 PM
been busy with tutorials because i guess next few days i'll be busy with my entrepreneurship project. but those tutorials are killing me. tough. haix.
1 more day to go. will he call? will he be back as promised? we shall see. im not going to put in too much hope like wad ching said. so im taking it as per normal. wake up do tutorial or go sch etc. so 1 week is up. haha.
tml will be meeting vincent, pearly bascially my entrepreneur grp to conduct an interview with new urban male boss. aftewhich we gotta stay back for the completion of the project. and poor me have to bring my laptop from jurong to heeren. so heavy. boo...thanks to vincent.
quarrelled in the morning. im so unhappy. i dunno why also but he's too ridiculous. fancy asking my frens to shut up when he's on the phone with me. wth. scolded me because i called him when i reach sch and he gt a scolding from -i dunno who-. so fine, im not calling him from now on when he's working. when i was staying up to finish my tutorial, he said im on the phone with guys. argh!!! rubbish. was better after he apologise. but somehow can forgive cannot forget.
-yawn-
12:31 AM
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
都说好了，却这样
been thinking alot recently. starting from last night, i've been thinking non-stop. the fear of losing him, the fear of him changing of heart. to others they may think 'hey im so childish, wake up'. but have anyone really step into my shoe?
p. i know u r reading my diary. leaving stupid comments, leaving stupid notes. who are u exactly. dun even dare to leave down ur own name. shameless ar. i dun care who u r, i dun even think u r my fren. this is my diary, i have my own freedom to blog here. u have no say. if u r somewhat unhappy with wad i write, pls for heaven sake SCRAM. and i mean it. stop being so childish and leave stupid notes.
im removing my tagboard due to some nasty childish and shameless freak. maybe if u are willing to put down ur name, things wouldnt be that bad. i wouldnt be insulting you.
anyway went to vivo. candy empire. spend ard 30 plus dere. haha. crazy soon. nougats guylian tim tam and chips. haha. bought 4 bras and 3 undies from ero ytd. member at ero le. haha.
mid session test is coming soon. haiz. time past so fast. soon it will be the end of year 2. haha.
10:43 PM
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
sneak to vivo city. didnt tell dear abt it. i told him im having make-up lesson due to tues de public holiday. so he believed it. haha. watch silk with my belove classmates. the screaming and laughter haha. can u imagine. lol. i love my class.
i dunno why today i couldnt keep my mind off him. yes it's terrence again. haiz. i think and think. will his heart change once he's back from taiwan? is his love for me jus a temporary one or is that he wanna try the excitement of two-timing. i felt so confused. so confused that i was talking my heart out with edmond during finance tutorial.
sometimes i may be stubborn, unwilling to listen to any ppl's advise. making myself suffer, wasting ppl's saliva jus to make sure im fine. but still i couldnt actually bring myself back to reality. im sinking deep till i could no longer float.
right now, im jus hoping tt his feelings will not change once he's back from taiwan. im waiting for him as promised. i hope he wun lie to me, i hope i hope and i hope. saturday 6+ was our last sms until today. tues morning. 5 more days. if his heart changes within this week, den maybe all along im wrong.
let's wait till saturday. i'll stay up super late. jus for you again. i hope u wun let me down.
waiting in despair.
12:22 AM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
hmmm...not been blogging the past few days. still i will say i missed him like hell. though nv really keep thinking, but still very hard to keep him out of my mind. on saturday when he msg-ed me to tell me that he's reach taiwan safely, i was so relieved. nvm abt the meeting with his gf, im jus glad he's safe. baby u know i miss you. hopefully u will come back on saturday jus for me. i'll be all urs on sunday-half day only. haha.
u asked me why didnt i hug u on fri nite when andy was refilling water for me. haha. u r jus so cute. ur window is open how to hug u. baby u look so cute even when u r working. talking to urself most of the time. hehe. one week, to u is fast but to me is very slow. i promise u i will wait so i will wait. i will wait for your return, no prob abt that.
he bought me a ring from SK. thanks thanks.
ytd was grandpa's birthday. celebration at sprin court restaurant at chinatown. didnt get to sing karaoke because childrens were snatching the mike. diaoz. dear was invited to, but in the end both of us quarrelled. he keeps looking at his watch for dunno wad reason. very very upset and angry with him. so ard 10pm, we left. he scolded me in front of the public. luckily mom n dad wasnt ard when he scolded me, else they might jus ask him to scram.
after the quarrel i so wanted to call T. but haiz, forget it. there's no way i can contact him. so i called junliang instead. talk a lil. den hmmm...everything ok le.
how i wish u r still in s'pore. haiz. i miss u like crazy. baby be back soon okay.
10:04 PM
Thursday, October 19, 2006
past few days of sadness, past few days of self-torture. hopefully it can comes to an end. when i thought everything was perfect it was otherwise.
it's been so long ever since i felt so happy. today before audit paper, u manage to cheer me, make me smile like there's no tml. every single thing i must really thank you alot.
went out with andy. quarrelled due to location problem. at tt particular instant, i thought breaking up was the best choice. i was tired in the r/s. called u after im done with bathing. i told you abt it. doesnt seems to matter to u a single bit. for tt instant, i realise im nth in ur heart. u wanted me to be with him, telling me how much he love me, but wad's the use.
'there will be better guys out there for me.' no reaction either. im doubting every words you said. once so true but yet, it turn out to be false. i tried to control my tears, my emotion. i couldnt. i let it all out. i cried so hard. the past few days hurt were all let out. how i wish u were there to comfort me, but i know ur heart is in taiwan. wadever you told me were jus things to make me happy, to make me believe u. only you know it yourself.
im willing to give him up for u, but can you do the same thing?
when u said u was attracted to me the first time u see me, was tt true?
chatted a while with pearly until her parents like dun believe tt i was the one on the phone. nvm abt tt. thanks pearly. she fully understand wad im going thru. to u maybe wad he said was the truth, but to me, im really doubting. u asked me to enjoy every moment with him, at least i get to own him once. but look, there's no way.
i felt so troubled.
i may not be contacting him anymore.
11:08 PM
you asked me to wait for you to come back from taiwan. you told me u were attracted to me the first time u see me. u told me so many things, but wad i wanna hear wasnt these. do you know that, the more u tell me abt wad u r thinking, the more i dun wanna let you go.
firstly u gave me hope, secondly the hopes jus disappear. i really dunno wad to do, wad to say. fri, u will be back from tekong, sat u will be flying to taiwan. i know u tried to meet me on fri, but u also know im meeting him. u know i miss u alot, u tried to meet up. time slot not available. sad.
i tried calling, couldnt get thru. though u did tell me tekong reception not very gd, but im still worried when u didnt pick the call or reply to my sms. i know u r very busy, handling 3 ppls work. i know i know.
u told me to concentrate in sch and also to concentrate on my auditing paper. i will. i will try my best, just for the sake of u. but do u know tt u keep popping into my mind. i wanted so much to own you, it's tough. very very tough.
in the morning u said tt u couldnt slp last night because i keep popping into ur mind. u msg me good night at 1.09am, but u slept at 2+. my heart aches. u are forever insufficient of sleep. hopefully u dun fall ill.
im trying to focus. focus hard.
12:12 AM
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
dun care wad, im just gonna blog this down.
been bothering me ever since last fri. we sms each other for a few days. feelings develope. we like each other ( at least this is wad he says) but we cannot be together. firstly, he's attached, secondly, my bf is his best buddy. everything is jus so wrong. in fact falling in love with him is a wrong thing, wrong choice, yet i couldnt stop my heart frm loving him.
it bothers me, haunts me, day and night. without fail. first thing wake up in the morning, was how's he, has he eaten etc. i dunno why. i know im falling deep, but i couldnt resist. pearly undergoing the same situation as me. couldnt be with the one she love.
mon we met up for dinner. together with my bf. situation for me was awkward. for them was normal. i didnt even dare to look into his eyes. i wanted so much to but i cant. the worst thing is when he drove back to camp and we have to say gdbye. look, i didnt even say or wave any goodbye. i hate parting. keeping quiet as i see him walk away. heavy heart.
i sms him straight away when i reach home. we sms till 1 plus in the morning. until i rmb he still have to wake up early the next day. he was sick but i cant do anything. all i can do is to ask him to tk care.
somehow i did cry. i hate myself so much for treating andy in an unfair way. i hate myself for falling in love so easily. when i was thinking of these affairs of the heart tears jus flow down my cheek.
how does it feels when the person you love couldnt be with you, when he told you tt he love his gf alot and tt his gf can no longer find someone who loves her as much as he do. i envied his gf. everything he does seems so sweet, no wonder long distance r/s works for them. all i can do is pretend tt everything is in a dream, never heard of it, nth at all. pretend to smile, pretend to be normal. it's so hard. it's even worse when im sch. i wanted so much to cry, because i miss him so much. i wanted everything. but i realise that it can never belong to me.
i enjoy chatting over the phone, sms-ing with him. i dunno why. call me silly. wadever you ppl are gonna name it. i dun care. tonight im going to slp early, instructed by him. =)
ching kelly n pearly, thanks so much for listening to me rant the past few days. without u ppl i think i'll go crazy. although it's very hard to erase him off my mind, i'll try, i'll try my best to focus in class and try not to think of him.
guilt.
conscience.
11:45 PM
Saturday, October 14, 2006
finally i bought my k800i le. somehow mixed feelings lehx. haiz. wanted N73. argh. but haiz, wad's done cannot be undone. i cant believe me and dad reach dere le he still allow me to choose between these 2 phones. haiz. forget it forget it. i feel so awkward using tt SEk800i. because i still haven really gotten use to. somehow i gt a feeling it's very hard for me to adapt because im still using my nokia 6680. haha.
fri n sat. sms with terrence. all exciting and fun. haha. im not gonna elaborate because someone reading would hate me. haha. so i shall keep everything to myself. haha. happy~
so tired now. still mux finish my tutorial. haiz. i think very hard for me to finish. haven even start auditing man. haiz.
gtg.
11:48 PM
Thursday, October 12, 2006
now i couldnt get to sleep. pigu itchy, after dinner went to slp. wth. now full of energy. duh. i dun even feel the slightest tiredness.
lesson today was okay because i paid attention during the lab exercise. though i still couldnt change la. lecture forever not listening one. haha.
so fast next week is audit test le. moodless man. haiz. dunno why i hate audit. maybe is because of the teacher or wad but den haiz, it's jus so difficult to understand, let alone memorise.
bored bored bored. no one to entertain me. boo!
11:48 PM
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
celebration for ching birthday was a great success. she didnt know we bought her a cake. hehe. surprise ma? haha. almost everyone present gt involve. happy birthday gal.
after sch, went to meet him. ljs for lunch. den walk ard IMM. after tt we went to bugis. he bought a shirt n i bought another perfume. paid by him. hehe. spent more than 100 today la. dunno why also. after tt erm, went home. den out for dinner after a while.
saw terence today. wahaha. okay la. ppl gt gf. i cnt lidat de. so dun wan le lo. haha. im so sleepy n tired now.
dead~
11:43 PM
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
hmmm....tired. insufficient sleep. haven been slping well these few days. actually is because i sleep late la. den every morning i dreaded waking up. what the ....
aunt ask dad not to buy car for my bro. wait for my bro to start working den buy. hmmm....believe tt father of mine is considering again. haha. he always lidat one. but i dun like my aunt. she likes to bullshit. fancy being a boss who cannot bear to pay 1000 plus for her own mother's birthday. jialat.
may be getting my k800i on saturday. yeah~ but i tink dad wanted the line to be under my name but wait, im not 18 yet. hee. xiao mei mei. lalala. something good. im still so young.
not elaborating much. ching rmb help me buy tt shirt okay. 20% leh. lol.
10:41 PM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
it's all over in just a few mins. wth. im tired, he's tired. so we gave up. so im all single. actually i also dunno why we break, but though it is in a fit of anger, i dun wanna go back anymore neither does he. so it's all over. happy or sad u decide. im numb.
visit my aunt in the morning. went to parkway with her. den go east coast with my cousin. they were rolle-blading and me and my aunt chatted. didnt tell her abt the break. no use. i jus need some time alone.
shopping with pearly tml. thanks man. can help me to forget wad happen recently.
staying happy is the best policy.
10:39 PM
Friday, October 06, 2006
hmmm...nth much happen today la. but like i say 4 hours of lecture is tiring. dun feel like doing any tutorials are to be done on saturday. most probably going out with pearly on mon. heh heh.
today is mooncake festival. but look at the haze. omg. i cant believe my own eyes. at first i thought there's sth wrong with either my eyes or my window, but den with a better view, wtf....singapore has become much more hazier than b4. INDONESIA please stop!!!
pocky in the evening is causing my throat to become sore. i shouldnt have finish the whole packet myself. stupid stomach. wth.
weekends with dear have minimise to erm ard 4 hours for both sat n sun. having sales at his workplace. so no choice. suan le.
i feel so tired right now.
10:41 PM
Thursday, October 05, 2006
after much thoughts, i've decided to buy k800i. the cybershot phone. i wanted n73 so badly u know. but haiz, so many bad comments abt tt phone, so i decided to get another 3.2 megapixel phone. haha. waiting for my dad nia. hope there isnt any prob because he promised to buy de. not i request one hor.
after sch went to fairprice with ching. bought chocs and ruffles. yum yum. and there goes my weight. haiz. nvm, after finishing those food den mus be on diet le. now seriously gaining weight. appetite increase a lil. wth. went to look for samsung 2nd hand phone. i dunno why suddenly so interested in samsung. but okay la, i admit i nv use b4. haha. sua gu. den tt bloody guy dunno use my phone call his hp, den delete all the log thingy. make me super pek chek and dulan. at first keep taking my photo for dunno wad shit. but thank god when he knew i gt bf, he nv msg me le. heh heh.
aim the ring at SK. $239. should i buy??? hesitating man. so many nice one. haiz. re-consider. dar wanna buy for me, but den i dun wan. he spent too much recently on his family, den me heart pain see he earn so much but didnt get to spend it. instead spend on those who dunno how to earn money. haiz.
nvm. CONSIDER again. but WHILST STOCK LAST. LAST PIECE le. omg. i love tt ring.
grrrr....tml 4 hours lecture again. i wonder how to tahan. haha. 1 week past so fast. can u imagine last sat, sun i jus went out with dear and today is already thurs??? it seems like everything jus happen yesterday. poly life passes so fast. hmmmm....
nitez.
10:45 PM
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
hmmm....been quite slack ever since sch reopen. i dun have the mood to actually study la. haiz. auditing seems like a killer subject, everything is going to get tough.
dear picked me up at clementi today. went to his hse, after he bath we headed to catch the ROB-B-HOOD. so darn funny. it's ard 2 hrs so i was aching on my shoulder. diaoz. im old le. after the movie we went to play slopes. haha. thanks dear. i was screaming in the car lo. cause very exciting. muahaha.
after tt acc him for a haircut. home sweet home.
ard 7pm, went over to my hse nearby to buy some moisturiser. haha. after tt erm...haha, go find his granny.
yah, tt's all for our program today. haha. im so tired now.
11:11 PM
Monday, October 02, 2006
somehow i jus felt tt ppl ard me are darn selfish. well, i dunno how to explain la. they jus simply think of themselves, not even bother abt their own friends. nvm abt that, for wad i know, i wouldnt really bother them from now on. let alone say share things with them. keeping a distance is much better.
not all friendship lasts. yeah!
after sch went home. nap till 4. bath le do homework. wah, so damn chim. gotta consult szeling and von tml le. haha.
lesson starts at 12 tomorrow. super sian. but at least can slp longer. haha.
tt's all
10:17 PM
