Thursday, August 31, 2006
slack whole day. rot whole day. breakfast was a filling one. minced pork noodles. dar helped his mum, so no one help me finish the noodles. haix. see, mother is always so impt. T.T
watch dvds, slept, haircut etc.
weather was superb for sleeping. rain almost the whole day. finish writing this entry, im going to slp le. haha. nice and comfortable weather.
recently many things have been happening in dar's family. i knew he was fed up too, i understand how ppl feel. i jus couldnt help. i mean sometimes when things jus gets too out of hand, wad can we do? it's their family prob, it's between them. somehow i felt blessed having my family members. financially stable, seldom have stupid probs occurring. compared to others, i should feel happy. haix.
anyway mum gave me extra 50 bucks. heh heh. she kept her promise. i teach my sis compo, i get extra 50. when i only started for like less than 5 days. can u imagine. haha. nvm, i shall do my part. if i done well, mum says she's gonna pay for my rebonding in dec. hiak hiak. next time do things for her mus have some 'tiao jian'. hoo!!!
should be going back to see my teachers, but haha, so sry man, i cant make it since im accompany-ing dear. shao le wo mei guan xi la.
i feeling so sleepy now. shall end here.
11:49 PM
today went out ard erm....12 plus. dar fetch me. acc him to the doc. he's been complaining abt his back frm mon till now. so today work half day, pain until can die, so no choice go see doc.
after visiting the doc, went back to his hse. maggied for lunch again. haiz. after lunch both of us went to SLP.
can see my fats growing like fu*k. before tt had some quarrels because of his mother. haiz. aiya, all i can say is i still dun like her character. dun like the way she does things. but wad to do, ai wu ji wu. woke up because dar was disturbing me. pack his rm, clear all the dust, bathed, dinner den go out again. bought hazeline. have to admit the fact tt my face rejected SILKPRO product. pimples keep popping out. hell. like tt still nvm, went back look for tt promoter, know wad she says, she said 'is suitable one', den promote another product. dar very angry. den we walked off. haha, sometimes i really hate tt promoter. here my face is rejecting their hydrosoft balancer and it's not cheap, $23.90. now it's been abandon. u tink my money shake frm tree ar?
mask-ed while watching samsoon. mum keep warning me not to laugh but samsoon really very funny. haha. mask more often since im so free nowadays. wahaha.
tml whole day out again. dunno wad my dad gonna say this time round. haiz.
12:36 AM
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
done the updating jus now le. but feeling kinda down. after tt call, it dampens my entire mood.
sometimes when i thought tt everything was going smooth and fine, things starts to crop up. it makes me so tired and fed up. i really dunno wad's my reason for staying. i dunno wad's my reason for being so forgiving on him. i really dunno wad's with me. in the past, i wouldn't bother much. now, look!
i dunno perhaps i should gave the chance to others who treat me much better than him, maybe there should be some breathing space for each of us. maybe we should levae it other for a few days and then get back together IF we think there's rrly true love.
how many times, how many times have u promised not to treat me like this. i wanted so much to let go, when i thought it's all healed, u wan me to go back to you.
why why why. why is loving someone so tiring?
10:30 PM
today not tt bored. met ching. went running in school. imagine 2 gals running round the track at 11 plus. haha. weather was fine. we sweat quite a lot. suppose to be with kelly too but too bad she said it's too early. if not after running will go play bowling le. boo hoo.
after running saw christina. send us to clementi. wad a sweet teacher. haha. mac for lunch. i know ching dun like fast food but sorry, me very long nv eat le. hehs. chat for a while. den walau my throat gave up. so pain and i realise i going to finish my water le, so went to look for SWEET.
after tt home sweet home. haha. actually i quite jealous of those gals who gt the heights. i dun like my height. haha. i know i should be satisfied with wad i have but i jus dun like it. i want to grow taller. hais. like it's so difficult.
waiting for tml evening to come faster. haha. can meet dar le. holiday also cannot keep going out. no freedom. go online also get scolding. really dunno wad my father is thinking. hell fed up.
shall end here. =)
3:26 PM
Monday, August 28, 2006
okay, wad should i blog abt now. haha. it's so bored staying at home.
ytd's dinner was superb. nice and delicious. certainly drool anyone. shark fins and abalone. yummy. haha. there's still 6 other dishes. im too lazy to name it out. know why i chose to include shark fin and abalone instead of the other 6 dishes??? because my tongue was burnt by the huge sharkfins and as for abalone, we were snatching like crazy. haha.
dar went too. first time he met my family members. we were both scared and erm...our hearts were beating non-stop. haha.
granny's big day. i love the celebration. heh heh. when they light the candles, when they played the birthday song in cantonese when we sang. all eyes where on us. felt so happy all of a sudden. at least we've made granny's birthday a grand and unforgetable one. =)
total bill- $1162.60. dad paid. no one give a damn. nvm, since they provide gd food, gd service. it's all worth it. and guess wad, 100 bucks for service charge. diaoz.
after the dinner went sheng shiong with dar.
waiyan msn-ed me. asking me if i want anything frm japan. haha. thanks loads. so rare for someone to approach me and ask if i wan anything frm here and dere. ok, at least i knew i was still remembered by my frens. thanks waiyan. =)
anyway was kinda irritated by one particular guy. i guess he stay near me. shall go into details on how this guy prey gals. he started asking if i wanna go out, i told him i doesnt wan to. den he said he come find me. den i said dun wan. im tired. he said he massage for me. wth. no thanks man.
i feel so tired and weak man!!! wad the hell is going on.
11:38 AM
Saturday, August 26, 2006
i know im very guo fen. i dun wanna break ur heart. but look at the way u treat me. lied not once, but twice. how to trust you. haven married u start lying, wad abt when we are married. i know kena influence by all ur colleagues. lie to wife, lie to gf, go acocmpany other gals. go ba. im tired already. you wan follow their path, den i shall let you be. im still young, i still gt many choices. i've salvage everything, but wad did u do.
im so tired. go fetch u still mus put on a STUPID SMILEY face. who says i dun have siao(4) rong(2). please la. get a life. i dun smile is because i dunno the ppl dere. i can be so cheerful and happy in sch because i gt my frens to joke with. haha. thanks to ur fren, haha. he too agree smiling to oneself is like an idiot. wahaha. nvm.
although everything is solved now, i learnt not to believe one so easily. one can only believe in themselves. not even their spouse. guys, guys and guys. gals out dere dun be go gaga over a guy. not all guys are worth it. most importantly, to all gals attached, dun trust guys so easily and put in all ur love for him.
looking forward to granny's birthday on sun. dad's treating everyone to thai village restuarant. yum yum yum. haha.
12:19 AM
Thursday, August 24, 2006
actually i dun wanna blog but i really bth okay. haix.
went to pick him up after his work. den he told me his supervisor ask me to smile, dun always face black black. like wth. why should i smile when i dunno the ppl dere. i will be like an idiot smiling to myself ok. fuck fuck fuck. (hey mind me for tt language. im really pissed.) his colleague everytime i took the stairs to the 2nd floor, all eyes will be on me, for dunno wad-so-ever reasons. when my bf confronted them, all keep damn quiet. like no respect for him lidat. feel so disgusted talking or smiling to them. does SHE understand her own worker??? im a gal, how can i anyhow smile to ppl i dunno. tmd.
after tt msg edmond, ask him wad's the difference between whether i gt smile or dun have smile. a gd ans. ' you smile very very very pretty, never smile still as pretty'....haha. thanks for ur compliment. =)
boring boring boring. somehow i felt so lonely and bored during holiday. gt nth to do. u cant expect me to study rite? argh!!!! it's jus the first day of holiday and im so bored. pls save me. pockets torn too. haix. im penniless le.
should i go get a stupid job and stay with it for 2 weeks den for the next 2 weeks spend the money??? ok, it's impossible. im too lazy to work and i promised mum i'll coach my sis in her compo writing. earning 50 bucks for one month for tt coach???? thank god i still get to have my usual 250 pocket money. else no more shopping. boo hoo.
shopping with pearl tml @ orchard. heex. i wan to buy clothes. =)
need to spend money again. haix.
11:42 PM
ok, finally cost, facc, blaw and tax exams for sem1 is over. can get back my beauty sleep peacefully le. heex. anyway last nite fell aslp while watch jin san shun. haha. after waking up went straight to my bed, continue to slp. too lazy to brush teeth and wash face le. (see how tired i am)
ytd cost pp was a killer man. many ppl were like shake head after tt pp. all poh's fault. nvm. scold him le. he hor, dun judge him by his looks ar, he very bad one. haha
went bugis with von, mely n yufeng. bought 3/4, eyeshadow and nail polish. =). im always the one spending money. haix. i need to control le la.
kinda sian right now. wan go out also kena control by parents. i really dunno wad parents nowadays are thinking. child study so hard for their exams yet cannot enjoy. pls la, s'pore already very stress le, jus let ur own child enjoy also cannot mehx. fu*k. ok, for ur info im referring to my parents la. hell shit. shouldnt have stay at home for the past few months for mon tue and thurs. now even ask for more, wan go out also cnt. fu*k my parents ar.
wanted to slp my afternn away but cant fall aslp la.
dunno wad to blog le larh.
10:09 AM
Sunday, August 20, 2006
dead. this time if my results sucks big time, i cant blame anyone.
12:40 AM
Saturday, August 19, 2006
wanted so much to concentrate. cant. aimed to study finish facc. but dun understand. also dunno mux look for who man. call von nv pick, call sl her sis using her phone. deep shit now. if i still dun understand by tml, i can mus well die la.
slack for almost the whole day. nvm abt tt la. i did some studying, did som tutorials, but but but...u know ???? piling up in my head. wahaha.
dunno wad to write la. super sian. after blaw like dun feel like studying at all. hell.
bye.
1:07 AM
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
had blaw today. slept at 12.30am last nite but couldnt fall aslp. woke up ard 6.50am. dun even feel like waking up. haha. tired u know. ok la, though not tt big deal den my fren who stay awake the whole nite studying. paiseh ar, tt applies to only khjan. wahaha.
blaw was OKAY. haha. i shant say it is so difficult to tt extend where im CONFIDENT tt i might suay siao fail la. haha. so tt means can pass la. haha. u know SP= Sure Pass. haha. lol. tt was frm SENIORS.
imagine havin periods in the midst of ur exams. tt feelings sucks. no napkins, cant ask frm fren and you have to sit dere for another 30mins. imagine. 4D also not so
zun. haha.
guess im going to slp after blogging. haha. i need lots of slp.
1:20 PM
Monday, August 14, 2006
so should i say i bring this upon myself or should i in turn be more to the 'external locus of control' and says tt tax pp to me was difficult. ok. so it was chicken feet to everyone besides me. maybe not everyone, i tink edmond also tink so. at the end of the day, im still the last few.
i know i still have 3 more papers. haa. i should pull up my socks instead of crying over spilled milk, but i kept thinking and thinking. shouldnt have gone praying. it doesnt help. at least not for me. im not someone who holds joss sticks, not someone who's so loyal, so tell me why should buddha watch over me. so lame.
something to announced. may shock many of you, but i still have to announce. mi and dear patch up le. on tt day when he eventually send me home in his fren car, we were listening to 'jiekou' by jay chou, those forgiving lyrics. he sang it. i was so touched. cried. but we didnt patch up together on tt day la. the next day he asked me again if he still hve a chance, i told him no. i knew i was lying, i knew i was trying to make myself sound strong, but eventually i cried so hard again. i cant bear to abandon this 14 mth r/s. so much effort. i msg-ed him once again, i told him there's still chance, though maybe my feelings may fade.
now, since he's promised his fren not to shout at me, i believe he will keep his promise. recently no one scold me. wahaha. okok. no matter wad i still love him dearly. muack.
shall stop here le
11:46 PM
Sunday, August 13, 2006
hmmm...i dunno wad to talk abt here. haha. lost of topic.
ok, on thurs, i couldnt slp at all. can u imagine me slping at 5am??? when my mum woke up i still couldnt slp. i tell you the feeling is terrible. stomach calling for food non-stop, mind thinking abt so many things. okay. i should feel happy because there's someone who manage to erm let me laugh for ard 1 hour. haha. thanks jl.
blaw half done only. tax understand some parts only. shit man. i tink this time im really dead. can someone pls help me??? cost and facc haven even revise. still tinking of going shopping tml. wad m i doing man. hell stupid.
ya, guess tt's all ba. =)
12:45 AM
Thursday, August 10, 2006
wo men wan dan le. i chose to break. he lied to me. i gave up totally. no more second thought. although i did cry, i felt so much relieved.
his friend talked to me jus now, ask me sth, tried pushing the blames to him, tried asking me to give him ONE more chance. wo zuo bu dao. it's so hard for me for that 1 yr plus.
first of all, i have to thank pearly. thanks for being there for me. thanks for advising me etc. wo da ying ni wo bu hui zai chi hui tou zao.
loves mean nothing to me anymore.
bye.
9:43 PM
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
hmmm...ok. i did have my fill of laksa. no kfc but instead erm sakae sushi at century square. terence treated us. thanks.
suppose to be watching fireworks, but erm....ok, to be frank i was damn tired, headache. i seriously dun feel like going, dear felt my anger, so he rejected his fren. okie, in the first place, no offer, no acceptance means no agreement. wahaha. ok. im totally crazy rite now.
had some misunderstanding twice today. cried like there's no tml. rite now my eyes are still swollen. darn. the rest pearly and kelly should know wad happen. cause these 2 gals r the one who returned my calls. haha. ching, guilty ma??? haha. kidding la.
went to loyang to pray with his family. god mus have hated me so much. gt burnt by the joss stick. haix.
felt kinda tired. guess tonite i shall slp early le. tml still have to go back to sch for business law. can someone calm me down for busi law. im so argh!!!.....panicking like hell
bye bye bye
11:28 PM
Monday, August 07, 2006
today was mi and dear's 14 month together. didnt meet up anyway. haha. because we've spent time with each other ytd. so fast. didnt expect. really. haha. usually on the 7th we will meet up one, but not today. boo.
talking abt the no. 7, i realise me and 7 really you yuan (gt fate). some of my ex also falls on the 7, while my birthday falls on 7 dec, my register no. also 7 in sec sch. haha. lol.
business law, cham. i really dun understand. study le also no use la. hell.
some rantings.
i really dun like ppl adding me in MSN without my permission. it's not as if i know you. i mean jus ask can anot. dun suddenly add le den say saw it in friendster. it nv fails to irritate me. i know i did put my emails in friendster but the purpose is for my long-lost friends to contact me. ok la, see u quite handsome i try not to be so ji jiao. HAHAHA.
plannings for sat. hmmm....let me think. meet dear in the morning. i wan laksa for breakfast. kfc for lunch, and dinner let his mama do the cooking. wahaha. i wan to go shopping. so long nv go le wor. =)
sometimes i dun like the way A speaks. like i owe him/her lidat. walau. not happy den dun chat la. dun need to use such attitude rite?
last night was so sucks. wanted badly to slp, in the end i end up crying in bed. dunno why. after crying feel much better. den erm...fall aslp at dunno wad time.
shall end here. bye.
11:26 PM
Sunday, August 06, 2006
oh please. irritating fellas. pls scram. i cannot tahan anymore. jus a nick and everyone is asking me. fook.
chris pls stop asking me abt gals. very irritating too. some are attached, some are difficult to xian. so stop everything ok. first you tell me ur fren wan know me, nxt u added ur fren into the conversation and ask us to chat. next u are gone. stop stop stop. hen fan hen fan hen fan.
i was irritated by the slightest thing. pre-menstrual symptons. like wth rite.
he having some fooking family prob. haix. i really bth his mother ar. dunno everytime yi shen yi gui. think this think tt. not enuff money den go find a job la. dar already give her a lot le. besides dear's salary is the lowest among his whole siblings. arghh!!!!.....
BYE
10:17 PM
didnt do much revision ytd. like wth. everything not carried out as planned. ok. forget it. been online for almost the whole day when i was at home. nw also dunno why, u ppl gets to see me online more frequently. maybe because im really bored at hm. haa.
this guy was farnie. he came over to friendster, left a msg saying, ' if im not wrong u in sp biz sch'. not tt im mocking at him but i wrote tt i was a DAC student. of course in biz sch la. diaoz.
actually not much to update. was frighten last night by someone. grrr....someone also buay bah. haha.
chatted with wei jian last nite. after logging off msn i still cant get to slp. die.
meeting him soon. heex.
1:13 PM
Saturday, August 05, 2006
erm...interview finish le. turns out okay. when it's my turn i was like 'oh shit'. scared i might take a long time to reply. nvm abt tt. everything is over now. haha. teacher was like asking, 'do you have any more qns abt the company'. think think and think. final ans is 'no...erm...' stop dere. alrite. dunno how to continue. so tt ends the interview. worse still, i repeat my words twice when she asked me to 'tell me more abt yourself'. diaoz.
had a very bad quarrel with him. thru out the whole night, he was scolding and scolding me non-stop. i tried taking as if he was singing. but it gt so horrible. cried when i was in the cab on the way home. really cnt stand him anymore. i didnt say much when he was scoldin me. jus kept quiet and he continues scolding and it gt worse. forget it.
i shant carry on complaining. we are fine now jus tt feelings for him fades. i dunno. im considering if i should ends everything. i wan to concentrate on my exams, but everytime when im having exams we will start quarrelling. haix.
i need a break.
yesterday marks the end of 1st sem. so fast. haix. im kinda scared. i hate business law. i dunno how to apply. haix. w/o the correct ans for tutorials. like wth. i hate memorising. pls save me.
had a talk for the year 3 elective modules. thinking of taking up IAP. but when lecturers said if too many ppl want, they might hav to take into consideration the credits for the students. there goes my chance. haix. suan le. ching if we really cnt get in we still can take up others de. let's jiayou.
but somehow half-way thru the talk, i was wondering, 'do i really want to be an accountant in the future'. i thought of overtime, i thought of my results. but there's nth i can do. i choose accountancy after o lvl. my first choice. i could still recall how happy i was when i got into accountancy. so i believe everything is destined.
having pre-exams insomia. shit. been unable to fall aslp for the past few days. count sheep, toss and turn. so hard to fall aslp.
okay i tink i should go and study now. BUT I DUN HAVE THE MOOD. argh!!!
alrite. really have to end here le. lappy running out of batt and im nowhere near the plugs. haa.
12:19 PM
Thursday, August 03, 2006
finished 1 presentation. RWPS. yay. haha. one more interview, 1 more tutorials and 1 more lectures to go before study break. exams coming. pls wish me luck. i dun wan results to be so sucky this time round. argh!!! help help help.
so scared for the interview tml. i didnt do much research due to the poor connection at home. besides i dun think there is much info to look up for because when im in sch, i couldnt find out much abt wad account assistant and management company acts as. thanks szeling for the help. =)
so afraid tt i might screwed it up.
date dues for projs. IS. so sry to crystal and mely. haha. me, ching n kelly know nuts abt tt. haha.
study break still have to go back sch for business law. wth. dennis sim also very weird. talk like a train and doesnt really bother if his students could catch up. argh!!! forget it. thurs go back sch mux be prepared to copy non-stop. wahaha.
going off. =)
11:48 PM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
i feel so sad all of a sudden.
he expect me to report everything to him, but wad did i get in return. does he call me to tell me his whereabout? no. he didnt. dun ask why we are doing that to each other, i know it's childish to u ppl, jus shut up.
im tinking of leaving him. really leave him once and for all. i cannot tolerate his attitude towards me, everything i do is wrong, and he is always so right. for so many days, i tolerated, trying to be strong but i really couldnt. i broke down. i asked myself does i really love him or is it tt i needed companion. no a relationship shouldnt be like this okay. it's filled with love, trust and communication. wad abt ours? lack of trust, communication and sometimes love. i dun love him animore. he beginning to hate me. i know. everyone loves me in the beginning but starts to hate me thereafter.
i know im being selfish rejecting other guys. i should be more open in future. im not going to care abt wad people think of me. im going back to my flirt style. love me for who i am and not wad i am. i dun care wad other ppl gonna say. im not going to be bothered by wadever going on. im going to jus BE MYSELF.
actually today is suppose to be a fun day. disturbing poh poh, playing ard, being rude being totally ourselves. ching and kelly, glad the 3 of us enjoyed ourselves to the fullest. thanks gals for being part of my life and bringing laughter for me.
but as u ppl know every happiness have an ending. a moment im being hate by him, im angry with him, im controlling my tears. the other moment i am having fun with kelly, ching and eng poh. and den the next moment he picked me up at clementi. and den the very next moment we quarrel. forget it. im not going into deep details. everything will end as it is. no more tears for him. i've gotta be strong. i believe i can find someone who cherish will cherish me, dote on me, and love me for who i am. he's not the one, definately.
so fast, it's been one year plus tt we are together. u were considered part of my life, im considered to be part of ur family. joining them for dinners etc. im sorry to disappoint everyone. im leaving you for good. dun ask me back. that's the only solution to the whole relationship. thanks for being with me all these while. thanks for tolerating my nonsense and childishness. i promise no more of that. bye and tk care. i believe other gals will love you more than i love you. smile =)
in a relationship, there shouldnt be any comparison. dun compare ur relationship with mine. the most i replied will be, 'that's ur prob. not mine'. i believe i deserve better. =)
11:52 PM
shall do some updating now. haha.
yesterday having FACC. wah, lucky ytd last lesson for that bloody teacher. haha. lucky lucky. haha. i know im being bad but i jus dun like tt teacher because apparently i dun understand wad she teaches in class.
busi law was fun. we dun have any lesson at all. jus tok cock session and photo-taking. haha. actually will miss dennis sim la. he's a fun teacher hmmm kinda open la. lol.
had a lil quarrel with him. ahhhh let's not tak abt it le. spoil my mood.
im off. mus listen to my friend presentation le.
11:21 AM
