Wednesday, May 31, 2006

okay, i feel so tired but i still feel like blogging. haha. went over to dear's place. dear took 1/2 day leave to pei me again. lol. ok, i know tt's gd but i dun wan his parents to be saying bad things behind my back, so guess no more next time le. haha.

had our lunch at mcdonald. super full. haha. after tt meet his mum at giant to shop. because dear's mum brought dear's sis baby with her, so everyone thought the baby is mine. diao. haha.

bath and watch vcds. haha. till his bro's gf came den we went to prime supermarket. haha. basically both of us still hates her alot. i dunno why, many she dun have ren yuan or maybe it's mi who lacks tt ren yuan. haa.

we spent quite a lot at prime. i guess somewhere ard 80 bucks. lol.

had our dinner at dear's hse, den slack on his bed. so cosy. haha.

left ard 9.

back to the guy who asked for my no. he's so irritating can. frm ytd sms me until today. last nite he sent me 2 - 3 sms. i didnt reply and den today he still con't to sms me. liew.

hmmm, to shahnaz, pls dun address me as jerelyn here. im not comfortable with it. =)

gtg. =)

11:20 PM

alrite. finished my business law paper and rwps. *yawn* super shagged yesterday. killing two birds with one stone. thank god it's gone. =)

after paper have to chiong tutorials. during holidays mus do project and buck up on my studies. boo hoo. hmmm, nvm abt it. action speaks louder than words. haha. we shall see.

anyway kinda hate the 07 gals. haa. i mean they are definately bitchy, n i mean it so. so wad's wrong with kelly admiring joseph. why create such a big hoo-haa abt it. i really dun understand and it seems so spread ard like there's no tomorrow. haa.

i need my beauty sleep. haha. haven been slping well recently due to test which makes me sick.

gotta end here. shall update if i feel like doing so later. =)

10:57 AM

Sunday, May 28, 2006

was pretty busy with studying business law. i tink im giving up. argh!!!!....it's so difficult for it to get into my head. short-termed memory. im well known for tt. haa.

in less than 24 hours of being single, i've been feeling uneasy. haa. 2 guys ask for my no. in which i rejected 1 and i gave the other. so i regretted giving now because he's totally an irritating fella. msg me ard noon asking if i've eaten. msging me when he cant fall aslp. argh. nvm, i didnt reply him. haha.

tink. tink. tink.

haha. i gave him another chance. lol. ok, so it's pretty obvious we are back together. but i was lucky we gt back in time. mum did dumplings for his family, so ta-da, haha. dear came to my hse to tk lo. luckily mum wasnt at home at tt time. lol.

after tt went over to his place. slacking and lazing on bed till i suggested to go to giant. haha. bought a silkpro face wash for $10.30. i still tink it's expensive leh. haix. nvm, anyway i knew tt auntie, so she ask the cashier to give me another 5% discount. so happy. and she gave me 5 packets of moisturiser. haha.

bought some tidbits. haha. my uncle's gf is saying tt im getting thinner, which i tink it's the other way round. nvm, i still love to munch on tidbits. bought mcflurry from mac too. yum yum.

anyway dear and his mum said the dunplings made by mama was nice....haha. they still wanna buy from us. -duh- den mum said hers not for sale. because i tink she made exactly the amount for praying.

ok... guess tt's all for today. hey by the way im so bad to the extend tt i didnt do my facc. haix. cant blame me, i was too busy studying for facc. bleahx.

10:27 PM

If a girl cries in front of you,
it means that she couldnt take it anymore.
If you take her hand,
she would stay with you for the rest of your life;
If you let her go,
she couldnt go back to being herself anymore.
A girl wont cry easily,
Except in front of the person who she love the most,
she becomes weak.
A girl wont cry easily,
only wen she love you the most,she put down her ego.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you please hold her hands firmly,
she's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you,
please dont give her up,
maybe bcoz of your decision,
you ruin her life.
When she cry rite infront of you,
When she cry bcoz of you,
Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she's feeling?
Think.
Which other girl have cried wif pure sincerity,
Infront of you,
And bcoz of you?
She cry not because she is weak,
She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity,
She cry,
Because crying silently is no longer possible,
the pain,hurt,n agony have become too big a burden to be kept inside.
Guys,
Think about it,
If a girl cry her heart out 2 you,
And all because of you,
Its time to look back on wat u have done,
Only you will know the answer to it.
Do consider it Coz one day,
It may be too late for regrets,
It may be too late to say
"im sorry".

1:14 AM

Saturday, May 27, 2006

so a house can eventually turn out to be a country club. ok fine. im fine with it. like i've said, i wun bother anymore. i jus hope tt u will meet with an accident on ur fucking way home. i told u i hate ppl who lies. so, wad u've done today totally show ur true colours. u wan know more gals right? ya, go ahead. i wun stop u. from today onwards i dun belongs to u, neither do u belongs to me.

i will lead my own path in life and u too. i cat accept ur character, neither could u accept mine. so tt's it. i dun care how much u come begging me not to leave u. my decision is final.

okay, so i thought i could lighten the loads in my heart by going for a scroll. but instead i came back with a heavier heart. i couldnt study at all. guys, i need guys to tk over him. not because i need a guy in my life, it's jus tt with another guy, i'll be able to forget everything tt's happening ard me. dun forget im a sagitaurus.

i felt so stressed recently. everyday i feel like crying. im sorry but im really suffering from depression. anytime anyday i will jus commit suicide. i jus dunno when. it's been with me for very long. i seek no medical attention. i dun consult a counseller. accumulations of the daily stress can force me to do sth which may hurt my family members, which i dun wan to. but who the hell cares? i dun even know who to talk to. im like living in a world of my own.

i wan to make myself drunk, but beer can cause beer belly which i hates. i wan all my sorrows to jus go away. i wan everyone to leave me alone. i wan to isolate from everyone. i jus simply wants all my problems to go away. i dun need concern, i dun need sympathy. i hates to get so emotional. but if i dun blog it down, i really dunno who to talk to. no one have time for me, no one can hear me vent. no one. not even a soul. not even a ghost.

i wish god can tk me away from all these sorrows. i wish god would show sympathy for me, to let me leave here peacefully. i wish my god father can slap him awake. ask him to fuckingly wake up n stop hurting me. i wish my god father know tt im not happy in this r/s, i wish he could pull me thru, i wish he's in spore at this moment so tt he can protect me away from all this dangers and loneliness.

9:05 PM

i called and called. for 5 mins non-stop. okay, he didnt pick my call. total 9 missed calls for him. im not going to call him anymore. let alone say pick his call. i wan to let him have a taste of wad i feels like when calls goes unanswered. im not going to bother anymore. wadeva lies, doesnt matter to me. whether u r going out with another gal or u r really going to ur fucking boss house, doesnt matter to me anymore.

im sick and tired. jus dun bother abt me anymore. nth seems impt to me besides my studies. if u were to get into an accident, if anything is going to happen to u, tt's non of my business. i fucking hell wouldnt bother. since im so insignificant in ur heart.

goodbye once n for all.

6:28 PM

Friday, May 26, 2006

had a super bad day in the morning. early morning had a quarrel. because he said im too cold towards him. how can i not be cold. i was traumatize by wad happen ytd, till then i haven even recover.

sms him telling him tt i've reached sch. he wasnt happy because i didnt address him as dear. so he was scolding me over the phone. haix. so eventually my tears couldnt control itself. yah, i cried at dover mrt station.

was feeling moody on the way to business blk. heck all my other frens. reached class den ching saw me crying. she came over to talk to me. see, tt's wad true frens are. haa. i knew tommy talked to me, yet i didnt reply. he said, 'so did u manage to find out july gt how many days'. trying to add oil to fire. didnt reply him.

after a while i tink he asked kelly wad happen to me. ok, im jus so emotional. i cant control my tears. for tt moment i wish i had a shoulder to lean on. i wanted to cry out loud. really. i will feel better after letting it all out, but public. i cant.

chatted with pearly over the phone last nite. now den i know the 3 of us, pearly, collen and me r undergoing the same situation. abt r/s. it's jus so hard to make a guy stay forever. nth seems to satisfy them. i really gave up.

during taxation and facc lectures, i totally shut off. and i mean shut off, i wasnt listening, my mind is a total blank. haix. before facc, chatted with pearly outside the mlt. haix.

after sch went to look for him. i didnt even call him. den he called me ard 5 plus. hmmm...he knew i was sad. i knew he tried to give in already but but but....haix. i dunno la. wad's love afterall. i really donno.

was very quiet thruout till after dinner, he tickle and disturb me. so, hmmm....ya, everything is fine now but den i knew everything will be back to its ugliest point again. a leopard will nv change its spots. right?

ive already given up. so if it works or not, not my prob. ive told him i may give up this r/s. he told me, 'going to 1 year already leh' but so wad. i mean haix. i dunno wad to say la. tml im not meeting him because he going his boss house. stupid fucking boss. i mean why must they threaten to give warning letter if dear is not going to turn up. haix.

by the way thanks to crystal. for showing her concern.

9:41 PM

Thursday, May 25, 2006

dunno wad to say here. was feeling super duper down today. fact was i simply hates everything. pardon me for saying that ok. everything jus seems to irritate me.

was having sore throat when i woke up this morning. slowly leads to headache. no mood for taxation test either. during the taxation pp, forgot july gt how many days, damn! how to calculate. knn. nvm. ask tt stupid tommy yee, gave me a fucking ans, 'im not going to tell u this' so be it.

totally heck abt it la.

after test, called dear, scolded me because i sounded tulan. ok lo. my fault. dun need to shout all the way over the phone okay. dun even bother to give me face, yet im always giving in. at tt time, i hung his call. i stopped all communication with him. wad's the point?

2 consecutive days i cried on bus. so fucking hurt. at tt time, i took off our ring. tt's the end, i told myself. im not holding on anymore. im so numbed right now. cried so hard when i reached home. i msged him, 'i reach home already. do tk care of yourself'. he called me, asked me, 'u dun wan to take care of me already ar'. i said dunno. i was so sick n tired now.

all this while, i was so wrong. i thought everything will go well if we seldom meet each other. i realised he's not the guy i wanted anymore. letting go is the best choice. if he still wants to hold on, there's nth i can do.

ignorance is a bliss. now i understand the meaning of this.

friends. haa. i duno wad to comment either. i miss secondary sch life whereby collen and pearly were with me when i cry, when i needed them the most. now if u were to ask me who are my best fren, i dun even know who to name.

anyway i've given my blogspot url to odians. heex. receieved 2 notes from xiaoyan and keck soon. =) thanks pal.

8:24 PM

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

hmmm....facc was a lil difficult and well, actually i was really panicking when i enter the classrm, even b4 stepping into it. dun really have the mood because dar was suffering. he was running a high fever. im starting to worry for him. poor darling went home half way during work.

after my papers, i rushed to his hse to see him. when i reached, his fever seems to fade but den jus now called him up he said his fever came back again. argh!!!! why doesnt he knows how to tk care of himself. haix. feel so upset.

dennis sim my business law lecturer says no short skirt for me this week because the sch is gonna conduct spot check on short skirt and slippers. so apparently most of the gals from my class wore pants, jeans or 3/4. haha. farnie sia. on mon he actually says my skirt is too short. i was like -huh- short? but he say next week can wear le. haha. but im gonna heck care. im still gonna wear skirt on fri, and maybe tml. today he saw me in sch and he pointed at me saying,'pants!'. lol.

today pearly class entertain us again. haha. really very farnie. me n von was like dunno who to listen to. eng poh or pearly's fren. haha. den both of us were laughing at their conversation. lol.

hmmm, guess im gonna end here. gonna have an early slp due to some flu bug. nitex.

10:21 PM

Monday, May 22, 2006

as usual, my itchy hand couldnt resist. haix. wad the heck am i doing here. gosh!

hmmm, lesson today was pretty ok. even the business law seems to pass very fast can. at least to me lah. lol. nearly fell aslp during the taxation lectures. thanks pearly n her frens for entertaining us with their non-stop story. haha. nvm. i didnt hear anything la, jus some laughter from them.

finding it hard to absorb during lesson. due to lack of slp? im wondering. haix.

had a big quarrel with dear just now over the phone. i dun even know wad's wrong ok. quarrel for 1/2 an hour over the phone, nearly broke up. haix. but den slowly it leads to us reconciliating. haha. funny hor. den he apologise say it's his fault. he having his pms.

so okay le lo. anyway guys have their pms too. dun be surprised. one of my od fren said so in his entry. so, that's why la. -but i pms also never throw temper until like that lo- nvm. dear was running a high fever. too bad, i wasnt dere. last time when he was sick, im always sitting beside him, but now, haix, today is monday, not wednesday. so nv meet, so i cant tk care of him.

missing him like fuck. ytd jus met ok.

he told me his sis's bf, francis, borrowed money from him. $2000. oh!!! dear say he no money. u know francis family used to owned a marine dont-know-wad. sth abt ship la. den owe supplier money, now other ppl take over. and his family owns 5-6 terrace house for which they stayed in one while the others were rented out. wow. rich guy who ended borrowing money frm darling. haha.

shall end here. back to studying. haix. pls wish me luck in my next few test.

11:41 PM

Sunday, May 21, 2006

oh, i jus simply hate her to the core. man, she doesnt have any sense of taste. the way she decorate the room sucks big time. c'mon, a tv set covered with dirty, old, ragged bathing towel. some sense u had when u are 10 years older than me. i believe my taste are 100 times better thans yours man.

anyway im referring to dear's bro gf. putting up at ppl's hse every week without fail, thinking that u are oh-so-pretty and oh-so-sexy. u sucks. u decorated the car like fuck. pink cushion with black seats. worse still, u bought another black n red to go with the pink cushion, the black leather seat. how worse can u get. dear's father have been complaining how ugly the cushion is. c'mon la, dun expect ppl to always listen to you man.

went in to dear's rm, saw dear's bro folding clothes for his gf. this is suppose to be ur job bitch. u expect a guy to do sth for you. oh my goodness. such a disgrace to gals. u bitch better wake up. u seems to be ordering him ard as if he's ur doggie. wonder wad black magic u curse on him to make him listen to u all the time.

dear was kinda fed up with her, so am i. i went to their house for so long, i nv change their things like placing a old ragged bathing towel over the tv, removing his bro things and replacing them with dear ( which tt bloody bitch did), okok, u jus simply sucks. im not gonna talk much abt you. waste my breathe.

pretty much done with facc, jus tt even though i did study, nth seems to get in leh. haix. im still very blank in my head. help me.

went for a haircut. so my hair wun get any longer. my target will nv be reached. know why? cause everytime i go, my hair stylist will trim some and there goes my 1 month old hair. so heartbroken. credits goes tooo.......my hair stylist, eddie. haha. anyway he's a nice guy la.

nearly feel when i was abt to alight from the bus. tt damn bloody driver jerk too much. i feel like telling him off. 'dun be a driver if u cant drive la'. nb.

okok, tt's for today. byez~

10:23 PM

dear diary,

alrite, so many things to be done within a few days. tutorial, studying for tax n facc and also accompanying darling. okay, some things should be forgo, but well, who cares.

had to type finish this entry before my laptop gives up on me and goes completely flat( i mean the battery).

alrite, everyone in my class should be busy studying and doing their tutorials. pretty sure abt that. haha.

was hmmm....i was a lil demoralised while doing the stupid facc. still couldnt balance the 2nd qns. aw man, what's wrong. haix.

had dinner with dear and i bought laksa. okay, i couldnt resist to temptation. laksa laksa n laksa. but!!!!!!!!!!! it disappoint me so much. we used to buy from another stall but when we went dere, it was sold out, like wad i've mention i couldnt resist. im stubborn. so i went to another stall. the laksa taste sweet. weird taste though. tougay more than noodles. so basically after taking a few spponful of laksa, i passed it to dear. haha. so i had his minced meat noodles for dinner instead. imagine breakfast is minced meat noodles and dinner is no diff. nvm.

seriously, and im serious, i need to cut down my weight and burn my fats away. prob is i dun exercise. i hate to sweat, get it. i've been snacking like nobody's business and also when im not hungry at all. argh!!!!

after today, i gotta be serious. i dun wanna make the same mistk like wad i've done for my cost accounting, but hey, i've short-term memory. taxation, gosh~ i dunno lah.

shall stop procrastinating so much. time for slp. =)

12:05 AM

Saturday, May 20, 2006

dear diary,

haa, should be slping now, but dunno why im still here typing this entry down. haha. did FACC until pek chek. liew, really feel like giving up lo, but haix. it's too late le. i should have made the decision 1-2 months ago.

wadeva. wad's done cannot be undone and wad's said cannot be erased. hey, realised this is my fav phrase. lol.

had lesson till 5pm. but halfway thru taxation i realised im shutting off. and i mean SHUT OFF. my mind wasnt concentrating, i seriously need slp. previous nite i've been trying to numb myself till 2am. because well, i dunno how im going to phrase it. simpliest way is, 'i wasnt happy'. i vent it by not allowing myself to slp, so tt i wun tink too much when i decide to go to bed. juvenile eh.

next week will be facc and tax pp. haix. really dunno how to cope. very stressful in poly. or maybe business sch. yah, i tink so. my fren is super slack okay. so jealous of tt dumbo.
anyway my fren told me he feel like quitting sch and den study at shatech. haha. first impression was, 'wow, tt sch gt 1 gay leh'. haha. okok, i still couldnt accept the fact tt gays do exist but c'mon, whoelse can? will try to adapt because the world is round. it's turning every min, every secs. so tings will eventually change. right?

enough of my craps. i need slp.

1:39 AM

Thursday, May 18, 2006

today nth much happen. had lesson at 10am. cost accounting. yucks. i hate it. cause i know my results will be a disaster. ok, im the black sheep in class ok. i sucks in study. tt's it.

my class gt 8 honours roll. *claps* haha. so happy for them ok. still DAC 2A/06 the best ok. trust me. those who came to this class will not regret and those who left this class will miss it to bits. haha. anyway i love my class for their unity except some la. haha.

listen to von's story abt someone... ok, sort of expected liao la. frm the face, the attitude, well, expected. lol.

rwps grouping. haix. last week or earlier, we asked mely to join our grp, now her usual groupmates not happy. wth. ok, von said tt when the teacher says 1 grp only can have 4, they will kick mely out, when the teacher say 1 grp can have 5, they asked for mely. i mean isnt it as making use of her. wth.

wadeva it is, it's still up to mely to decide la. so my grp now only gt ching n kelly. haha. maybe end up only the 3 of us doing lo. lol.

felt very tired. haix. this weather is giving me headache. lol.

oh, this morning saw darryl at the mrt link dere. diao. was abit shock u know, because i've an intuition in the morning tt i'll get to see him today. ok, so it was obviously accurate. lol. chatted for a while and his fren asked him to go in for lesson.

think he becoming single soon. lol. ok, i dun have to say much. those close to me will know wad exactly went wrong.

didnt meet dear today. because today is thursday. meeting him only on wed, fri, sat n sun and during public holidays. lalala.

im feeling very tired and shagged.

7:51 PM

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

im happy again. heex. anyway today after sch, went to pasar malam with ching. bought mua chee and fish (dunno wad because it was a malay food). makes me so full. haha.

met dear at pioneer mall. he took 1/2 day leave to pei me. so happy can. it's been a long time since he accompany me. i mean during weekdays. ok. so we made full use of the time. haha. bought lunch and i had mc spicy meal and twister fries. yummy.

stone at his house. i didnt do any hmwk as planned. acc dear slp and den after tt went to pioneer mall look for his fren. he gt himself a mp3 player. den went to giant to shop for chocs and sweet. spent alot. lol.

after tt reached his hse den tk dinner and den watch tv in his room. haha. i felt so happy because we didnt quarrel today. lalala. im a happy girl again.

ard 9pm he sent me to tk cab home. so here i am, blogging my happy days down. by the way we chatted abt our past. haha. i kept questioning him abt wad happen when we started being together. omg. haha. and i realise we can actually be very happy together if we learn how to compromise with each other.

okay afterall im just very happy today.

anyway dear gotta go for reservice very soon. argh!!!!.....im gonna miss him till siao lor.

9:55 PM

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

i wasnt happy. not at all. so many things floating in my mind. im still thinking abt relationship, abt sch work, abt well, i dunno how im going to say it. those who know jus shhhh abt it. okay, it's abt darryl. -> ok i dun feel for him anymore but but but....i dunno how to end it. so useless.

recently i felt so stressed. stress till tt extend tt im losing slp. my period was late. everything wasnt going my way. stress till i dun even feel like living in this hell place. really tired and sick.

today had cost accounting paper. shit. im flunking it like hell. believe mi. tts one prob. my period bully me today, causing me to feel so much pain. tt's women's life. wth. i really feel like crying la. fuck.

quarrel with dear. okay, first thing first, i really dunno wad guys are thinking nowadays. i dun understand him at all. ok maybe this is my fault. i dun care i really dun care now. im sick n tired. im having so many probs and im gonna face it all alone, were u dere? no. u insulted mi using vugarity till odians hate u. till i forced myself to write here because i dun like them insulting u, asking mi to leave u once and for all, asking mi to slap u awake. c'mon, i've tried my best already. i really dunno where im going to go if everyone here is gonna insult u again. im tired, seriously tired.

u re always right and mi, will always be wrong. forget it.

everyone changes with time. it's up to u. i wun force u into this relationship, i know i can live without u because all these while u werent even with mi thru my worst day, u werent even with me when i was sick. all u do is, 'go see a doc, i'll pay for it'. tt's all u know.

i dun wanna bad-mouth u here, but who can i pour to? only my diary will listen silently and digest it. soon, everyone will be tired of mi complaining except this diary.

it's either now or never.

-wo zhi xu yao ni qing qing de fang kai wo de shou, gao shu wo ni li kai wo shi ying wei ni yao wo zao dao zhi ji de xin fu-

10:16 PM

Monday, May 15, 2006

Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table, and make sure that your coffee has its sugar and cream...
Your eggs are overeasy, your toast unlikely, all that's missing is your morning kiss that used to greet me... Now you say the juice is sour, it used to be so sweet, and I can't help but to wonder if you're talking about me...
We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting so deep, I've got my pride, I will not cry, but it's making me weak...
I'm not your superwoman...
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down, and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...
This girl needs more than occasional hugs as a token of love from you to me...
I fought my way through the rush hour trying to make it home just for you...
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you...
But when you get there, you just tell me you're not hungry at all, you said you'd rather read the paper and you don't want to talk...
You like to think that I'm just crazy when I say that you've changed, I'm convinced I know the problem, you don't love me the same...
You're just going through the motions and you're not being fair, I've got my pride, I will not cry, still I can't help but care!!!
I'm not your superwoman...(oh no no no!!!)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything is okay... Boy I am only human...(I'm only human!!!)
This girl needs more than occasional hugs as a token of love from you to me...
I'm not your superwoman...
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything is okay...
Boy I am only human...
This girl needs more than occasional hugs as a token of love from you to me...
Oooh, baby!!!
Look into the corners of your mind, I'll always be there for you through good and bad times, but I can't be the superwoman that you want me to be!!
I'll give my everlasting love if you'll return love to me!!
I'm not your superwoman!!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down and think that everything is okay... Boy I am only human...
This girl needs more than occasional hugs as a token of love from you to me...
Oh!!! If you feel it in your heart and you understand me, stop right where you are, everybody sing along with me! (hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo...)
I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet, but you got to realize that you got to be sweeter to me!!!
I need love, I need just your love, I'm not your superwoman...

1:58 PM

Sunday, May 14, 2006

i know i should be studying and not blogging at this time. haha. i couldnt concentrate. bed was right behind my study table, laptop was jus in front of me. my hands gt itchy as usual. heex.

feeling kinda sian right now. aniwae today was mother's day. we didnt go for celebration. haha. my bro n me bought one dennis (not very sure correct spelling) watch for mum. costing us ard $68. well, reasonable la.

it's time to be frank la. sometimes i wished we hadnt started. i dunno why i felt this way. somehow i find it so difficult to trust u. dere's a feeling tt u are trying to hide something. i dunno whether it's true anot. im trying, im trying really hard okay. trying to maintain this r/s. u dun assure me, this makes me insecure being with u.

my od frens all persuaded me to leave u, they know im been treated really badly in this r/s. i know they doesnt wan mi to suffer. the reason i still stay is because i still love you. or maybe im getting used to hanging out with u. i read marie's blog. she said love can only last for 4years after which ppl get used to the other parties' companionship that made them stay with each other. that's why im doubting.

wadeva it is, i'll still try to maintain till the day i couldnt take it. rest assure.

1:13 PM

Saturday, May 13, 2006

okay. im finally back home. went to woodlands with dear and his fren. stone at 888plaza. really boring. well, anyway i dunno wad's wrong with my dressing tat i gt stares by many ppl. wadeva -heck- was very tired dere. cause dear's meeting his colleague, nora, to get back the van. wad make me nearly kick up a fuss is we waited for an hour. imagine stoning dere for an hour. i rather slp in his fren car ok.

after getting the van, went to look for his cousin at je blk 244 dere. it's already 10.30 when his cousin came back from cck. they chatted awhile while i study abit of cost accounting. see im so hardworking =) lol. actually i jus read thru because they are talking ma.

as mention last night we are suppose to go out one, den his cousin last min say he meeting some gals, so we delayed until so late le. i've to reach hm ard 11 as promised. no choice.

they are meeting out tml again. how am i going to study!!! and dey r going geylang for dinner. i mus go, else later dear go look for prostitute -heh- lol.

so now after blogging i've to go study le. c, i've to sacrifice my slp if i go out. but it's okay la. im used to it le. poly 1st year also lidat. haa-

i've change the time of my tagboard cause not accurate. so all tag gone le. boo!

11:41 PM

i simply just cannot concentrate okay. i dunno wad the hell im doing. im doing all sorts of things when i should be studying rite now. wtf.

i thought i thought n i thought. day-dreaming as usual. wad the hell.

munching on snacks when i should jus dump them and concentrate to lose weight. yes ive grown fatter each day. boo.

wo yao du shu la~~~~tamade

12:31 PM

feeling so demoralised right now. haix. i've FINISH my FACC. hahaha. all balance sheet CANNOT balance. omg. i cant believe it. ya, that's why i say i feel demoralised. fuck. im wondering how am i going to survive in this class, with so many challenging competitors.

im so tired right now, but i cant slp. i dunno why either. haven been slping well. last night slept at 2+ going to 3. in the morning mum woke me up ard 7.55am. omg. and i cant go back to slp.

met dear ard 5. had dinner at kfc. and worse of all is they are only left with drumstick and wings. -im not full- and so im feeling super hungry now. haix. anyway we ordered hot wings. not really nice. i still prefer their crispy chicken. =)

after our dinner went to look for dear's cousin. we went up to his house. they chatted and i fall aslp. haix. guys talking abt their frens n leaving me out. boo hoo! nvm nvm. tml guess we'll be going out with his cousin and his bestie. haha.

tml i've to start my cost accounting le. if not sure fail. haha. so will be making/forcing myself to sit down and study. cant play ard le. haix. why why why. why s'pore so kiasu. so fast test already. 60% theory. i dunno how im going to pass. i sucks at memorising. ive short-term memory. can?

kinda miss my OD frens. haix. after blogging guess i'll be leaving notes in their entries le. see, im so busy. now cum exams and hmwk, i tink i'll go crazy okay. by the way those ODIANS still doesnt know i've moved to blogspot. haha.

my parents went to celebrate mother's day with my granny and relatives w/o me. say im busy dating. haix. forget it. after mother's day, father's day is coming. wahaha.

gonna tag my od frens le.

12:47 AM

Friday, May 12, 2006

actually im not really happy abt my relationship. cannot tahan anymore. i dunno how strong, i dunno when is the day im gonna leave u. last night i couldnt sleep because im thinking hard. is it so difficult to maintain a long-lasting relationship or is it because u doesnt want to?

you know tears was with me thru'out. so terrible can. morning when i wake up, i tink of wad you say again. and again i cried. you know ur words were replaying in my mind? -you wanted to beat me to death- i wun forget it no matter wad. i dunno how my god-dad is gonna deal with u if he finds out, i dunno how ur parents esp ur papa will react if he knows it. i wish i can be stronger. i do appear strong but deep down, im weak. ok. im just too weak.

wadever it is, i hope i can forget it completely, which may takes some time. test are coming. cost accounting, tt's a killer subject for me because it's so complicated and they say our lecturer who's going to set the paper is very tricky. haix. i jus hope i can pass.

sch started for only 1 month and dere's test le. boring.

i feel so boring right now. dunno wad to do. dear's out with his dad. left me alone. done a lil facc, do until dunno how to do den i give up. haha. by the way facc test is next next tues. haix. shit man. im starting to panic for my taxation, cost accounting and financial accounting. i dunno how im going to survive this year. haix. regret not transfering to other course. brad is a clever soul. transfer to DBF. haha. so im the stupid one who still insist on staying in DIPLOMA IN ACCOUNTANCY. so stupid. no matter wad, i've to pull thru these 2 years. else eveything will be wasted. haix. =(

9:35 AM

it's so difficult just to design you. boo hoo!!! i sacrificed my slp for you. haha. finally it's up. haha.

1:47 AM

okay, im leaving opendiary. not because it's not good. im just....hmmmm....i wun actually say im leaving okay. dairymaster in OD have been very good, i know he/she looks at the probs occuring in ur diary but somehow, i tink it's still lagging.

this will also mean there will be completely different ppl viewing my diary, all my familiar frens in OD wun be in here le. haaa, wad to do, there's some kinda conflicts among some over dere. well, i dunno wad's happening though.

anyway this diary will contains my daily live basis. dun get bored. the path we took. for those who doesnt know, it's mi and my da. though tough, i believe we can overcome the obstacles. muackx.

1:10 AM